May 23, 2017 | Posted in Challenges, Change, General, Personal Development, Self-Esteem | By


I know this goes against what most people say, but I don’t believe in forgiving everyone!

Some things shouldn’t be forgiven because if you do, you run the risk of softening your convictions.

Convictions are fuel for purpose and help you take action that could make positive change in the world!

Forgive a child molester, rapist, or murderer? No freakin way!

I don’t want to soften how I feel about people who pose real and actual danger to myself or other people!

You don’t owe forgiveness to anyone but yourself!

In fact, it’s not YOUR responsibility to forgive anyone BUT yourself.

I have found that most people are more upset with themselves than with the person who hurt them. They blame themselves for not “saying no,” for “not being strong enough to fight,” and even for “being stupid enough to fall for the lies.”

The real forgiveness is only owed to yourself! Stop beating yourself up for being a victim! The most empowering thing you can do is to forgive yourself and find ways to not be the victim again!

The other person can work on his or her own forgiveness. 

I would encourage you to understand instead of forgiving. So maybe you understand that the person who hurt you was abused as a child and learned to hurt others. It’s not an excuse, and no forgiveness is needed, but you understand that “hurt people hurt people.”

Forgiveness is a deeply personal act of sacrifice because you are agreeing to override your feelings to give absolution to another. This is something that should be honored and reserved for people who are truly sorry, have made amends, and will not repeat what they have done. 

Everyone else can have compassion because you are able to understand how they became so damaged, but not forgiven.

What do you think about today’s post? Hit reply to this email and let me know!

With love, gratitude, and inspiration,

Heather Paris

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  1. Brooke
    May 23, 2017

    Leave a Reply

    I disagree completely. Yet it all depends on your definition of forgiveness. 🙂 I was sexually abused as a child. My anger and frustration did nothing to the abuser, but it did eat away at me. When I was able to forgive him, it was a most freeing event. I no longer harbored the hatred that had been living in me. Forgiveness for me was the antidote for the pain and suffering that I had experienced for all those years. To forgive someone doesn’t mean that you accept what that person did is alright, forgiveness is letting go of the anger and hatred. I even was able to go to counseling with one of my abusers, which allowed me to have yet another form of healing.

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