Happy September 1st everyone! I just returned from vacation down in the Outer Banks of North Carolina and we all had a great time! While I was there, forcing myself NOT to work, I had some thoughts about parenting. My mother in law made the comment, “I love how affectionate your kids are, and how much they obviously love you and love being around you!” It was a lovely comment and made me feel proud of the hard work that we have done to raise the kids the right. Yes, hard work…. let’s get serious, parenting is NOT easy! It’s not supposed to be easy. When you give your entire heart, and a literal piece of yourself to someone else, you will eventually get hurt, yet we love our kids unconditionally right? Not always!
I have heard many people stating that they “hate” their kids or step kids, and my opinion on this might surprise you. Hating your kids does NOT make you a bad parent. However, doing NOTHING about hating your kids does! Now I am not talking about the normal feelings of frustration that come from being a parent, I am talking about straight up hate. The kind of hate that makes a person go on Facebook to berate, belittle, and bash their own kids. There is something wrong with that. There is nothing wrong with venting, but there is everything wrong with launching a public tirade against those who should be able to trust you to protect them and their innocence.
If you hate your kids, you CAN like them again but it will take EFFORT on your part! YOU have to be the one to make changes, the kids won’t do it. The kids will not actively go to the book store and look up books about family happiness. They will simply turn away from the family, and look for something or something to replace what they are lacking. They will find it, in drugs, promiscuity, gangs, bad choices, and bad behavior. Sure, SOME kids will end up being “OK,” but are you willing to leave your kids future to chance? You want them to visit with grand-babies when they are adults, not excommunicate themselves from you.
Pick up a book, join a parenting group, take some classes, enroll in a workshop, and do whatever it takes to learn how to like your kids again! I personally offer several options like coaching, and my You’re Not My Real Mom eCourse as well. There are countless options for learning how to build better bonds with your children.
Thad and I have personally taken in several children who needed help and support. Not one of those kids are “bad” kids. They just needed support, empathy, and someone with a desire to LEARN how to help them. Each child had different needs, but the common need they ALL had was for love. It’s easier when you know how to do it. Commit to learning how to be a kick ass parent. Spend as much time learning as you can…. there are NO limitations to how much you can learn! You will be amazed how EASY it can be to turn your family life around when you learn and apply new techniques.
So today, please reach out to me, or check out my parenting support if you need help in your family! YOU are the change your family needs!
Please feel free to leave a comment with YOUR thoughts about today’s post!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Tired of the “ups and downs” in your relationship? Are you constantly out of balance? Does he threaten to leave while you beg “no-no-no” because you know you are going to fall hard? Or maybe you are wishing to get off the seesaw but you don’t want to drop him? It’s a vicious cycle until you decide to get OFF the ride and make changes in your relationship!
The first thing you need to do is communicate well. Talking isn’t enough. You have to know how to speak so your partner will really listen to what you have to say. Yelling, sarcasm, passive-aggressive, and ignoring are not forms of effective communication, they are however a great way to make your partner feel “unheard.”
The second thing you need is a purpose. All great relationships know what they are working toward. Unfortunately, most people just get together because “it feels good.” Well the feelings of “love” are not enough. You also need trust, respect, dedication, integrity, and a clear purpose.
The third thing you need is a plan for tough times. Nobody ever thinks they will have problems, or even break up, so they never have a plan in place for when things go to hell in a hand-basket! Life happens and if you expect it to always be perfect, you are setting yourself up for failure. Have some discussions about what to do in the event of an emergency, or who will make the final decision when you can’t agree on something. (My YOU’RE NOT MY REAL MOM! program has a family checklist that puts it all on paper so you can discuss and decide who is in charge of what. This program is really beneficial for ANY type of family!)
And lastly, you need someone to help you through all of this! If you are having challenges in your relationship and you want to try something that actually works, give me a call! Don’t spend years in couples counseling… it doesn’t work. I will teach you the tools to communicate effectively, help you find a purpose or create a family mission statement, and show you how to plan for the unexpected! I will also teach you how to feel like kids again without the games! You can have passion and excitement just like when you first fell in love! The only requirement is that you WANT to make changes. So get off the seesaw, contact me today, fix your relationship, and Live Inspired Now!
Heather Paris heather@liveinspirednow.com
1-607-269-7815
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
ORDER HERE: YOU’RE NOT MY REAL MOM!
Getting divorced? Getting re-married? Or maybe you are already a “step” family and you are ready to throw it all away because your family is not functioning well? HELP HAS ARRIVED!!! I just released my new program: You’re Not My Real Mom; Proven strategies for the success of your blended family and it is awesome!
Your eCourse will contain an eBook with bonus videos, homework and success strategies to get your family on track. Go at your own pace!
You will also have access to our secret support group on facebook. Look at what people are already saying about this ONE OF A KIND course:
“You’re Not My Real Mom” is truly a must buy if you are in ANY kind of family! I don’t know of any other program out there that can cover issues like she does…it’s as if she knows your family’s issues personally. Not only is it helpful and full of really practical information, but Heather’s teaching style is fun and makes it easy to learn! I will recommend this program to any of my friends who decide to get remarried so they can have the best possible start to creating a happy, healthy, step family!” -Heather Westover-Petruzzi; NY
“Heather was my coach before I started the course so I already knew it would be good before I started. Although not everything was directly relevant to me now (as am just post divorce) I found it useful getting an overview of situations and how to handle them before I find myself in that position. A large portion of the info was very relevant regardless of marital situation though – thanks again Heather!” -TM; Israel
“The most important thing I learned is to communicate with your children and spouse, and spouses children to help the kids through any transition and so you and your spouse have the same idea when it comes to each other’s kids.” -MR; PA
Do not wait another moment before getting your family back on track! Your family CAN be happy, healthy, and functional… no matter what type of family you are! Check out the new course… you will be very HAPPY that you did!
ORDER HERE: YOU’RE NOT MY REAL MOM!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
It’s unfortunate that we ever have to break bad news to children, but when we do, it’s important to do it in a way that is gentle and won’t harm children. Please watch today’s video with tips that will help you break bad news in a way that is supportive and will help kids process through in the healthiest way possible. I speak specifically about breaking news of loss, but these tips apply when it comes to speaking to them about divorce, death, loss, tragedy, natural disasters, or whatever unfortunate event has occurred in their life. Please share this with anyone who needs it, and Live Inspired Now!
Here is the direct youtube link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8VWg39–Gew
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Wow! This has been quite the week… my 19 year old daughter Madison jumped out of a plane at 10,000 feet above the earth! I have felt relatively weird ever since. I have been a roller coaster of emotions since she landed safely, but what exactly have I been emotional about? I wasn’t quite sure at first, it took me a couple of days of reflection to really get to the root of what was going on. It had nothing to do with fear, in fact, I was completely relaxed and confident when she jumped. I knew without a doubt that not only would she be fine, but she would truly love the experience and be better for having done it.
So what was going on with my emotions? There were a couple of different things going on. First, was the sheer awe that I felt, that it was ME that created such a kick ass kid. I kept thinking back to when she was born and my life at the time was pure chaos and fear. As a young mother of 22 and married to an alcoholic, I really had no clue what I was doing. I think I was a pretty decent mom giving the circumstances I had created for myself, but I fell short often. I was so far from perfect, yet I raised this amazing young woman. I am grateful that she is making healthy choices for her life, and even more grateful that she and I are so very close.
The second thing I was feeling pretty emotional about was seeing Madison live life through the fear instead of letting it hold her back. Most people will never jump out of a plane and that is OK. But too many people will let other fears rule their life. Things like staying stuck in a crappy job they hate because they are too afraid to look for something else. Or people who are too afraid to love because they are stuck in the loss that they once felt. Or the people who resign themselves to mediocre living because they are too afraid to take a risk, or be judged by others. I was one of those people when I was Madison’s age and I now wonder what potential I might have had if I had a Mom like myself to encourage me to take life by the balls! Don’t get me wrong, my parents were not bad parents or people, but they were, and are, very different than me. I wonder if I would have been like Madison… brave.
I told you it was quite the week! lol. I am grateful for who I am today. I am grateful that I wasn’t brave back then because I might not have Madison now! I am grateful that I did discover my personal power and freedom.
Are you still struggling? Have you decided to take life by the balls yet? You might not want to jump out of a plane, but you CAN step outside of the box and create a freakin’ awesome life for yourself, no matter what age you are now! You CAN also “re-parent” yourself. That is to say that you can change how you feel about something that happened when you were a young person. Your “inner child” is still within you, and you can help her/him heal. You can parent you own inner child in able to let go of the past that is holding you back today.
Take a look at the things you are too afraid to do today. Trace them back to the original incident that created the fear. Then have a conversation with yourself about that incident and what it meant. Tell your younger self that is OK, you are allowed to process the feelings, and then let go of them. Tell your younger self that you are allowed to release the pain it caused. Spend some time really nurturing your younger self. Cry, laugh, yell, or do whatever comes to you… then heal.
If you need help letting go of the past that is holding back your present, please reach out to me today. Don’t let another day, week, year, decade go by without truly living and loving life and all it has to offer. Life can be SO magical when you are brave enough to take some risks and step into your own greatness. Get past your past, reach out today, and Live Inspired Now!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!