I get this question often, “When should I speak up, and when should I just mind my own business?”
In fact, I often wonder that myself. As a coach, I’m almost always ready to jump in to help but is it always my business to do so?
I’ve discovered a sure fire way to know 100% of the time when you should speak up versus butting out….
Just ask!
I have adult children, so the opportunity to impart my own wisdom comes up often when I see my child struggling but I’ve learned that offering unsolicited advice is the best way to get someone to ignore it!
So now, I just ask if they want my help/advice/opinion.
If they say yes, then I give them my input.
If they say no, I leave it alone but let them know they are welcome to come to me if they need me.
During a conversation with my friend Carol (who inspired this post) she told me that someone once said to her, “You can listen to me with your head or your heart.”
I think that is a brilliant statement and I’ve tweaked it a little to use when you have to deliver UNsolicited advice because let’s face it, sometimes we just have to intervene:
“You can listen to me with your ego or your heart, but please know that I am giving my opinion because I care about you and wish the best for you.”
Your unsolicited advice will be more well received if you make your intentions clear in the beginning.
I can’t tell you how many kids believe their parents give advice to make their lives miserable and not because they actually care. Let them know you care!
Remember, the best advice is advice that is welcomed! 🙂
If you find this content helpful, please share it! Sharing is inspiring!
Have a super week! Don’t forget to register for the upcoming 1 day relationship retreat at beautiful del Lago Resort and Casino in Waterloo, NY!
“7 Principles For Making Marriage Work” at del Lago Resort and Casino in Waterloo, New York!!
We only have space for 3 more couples so if you are interested, act NOW!! Get more info here!!! Or hit reply to this email!
With love, gratitude, and inspiration,
Heather Paris
www.liveinspirednow.com
Email me: heather@liveinspirednow.com
Coaching is a holistic alternative to therapy. It’s fast, affordable, and highly effective! Just hit reply to this email if you’d like to know how coaching could help you or your family!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Imagine, your child is freakin’ out. You’re on your last nerve…….
You lose your shit, start yelling and now instead of controlling the situation, you have a crying child, your blood pressure is sky rocketing, and your re-thinking this whole “parenting” crap that seemed so rewarding! lol.
What can you do in those moments instead of screaming, yelling, or freaking out???
Get really quiet!
Turn off all the noise boxes (TV, radio, computer) and sit quietly in the center of the chaos. Your kiddo will get confused and want to know what’s going on. Calmly and with a whisper say “It’s quiet time.”
If he freaks out or starts yelling, simply say in a very quiet voice, “I’m sorry, I can’t hear you when you speak that loudly.” Once he quiets down, then respond!
A little twist on this is that if your child is ever disrespectful to you, you can also say “I’m sorry, I can’t hear you when you speak to me that way.” Do not respond until their tone is appropriate! This works on older kids too!
It’s definitely counter intuitive to get quiet when you feel the call to yell but let’s face it… the only thing yelling does is stress YOU out and adds more noise to an already chaotic situation.
Try something new, get quiet! Remember to be a tiny pebble!
When standing by the waters edge, if someone chucks in a boulder, you automatically run to avoid the splash, but if someone throws in a tiny pebble, you lean it to watch the ripples.
Have a super week! Don’t forget to register for the upcoming 1 day relationship retreat at beautiful del Lago Resort and Casino in Waterloo, NY!
“7 Principles For Making Marriage Work” at del Lago Resort and Casino in Waterloo, New York!!
We only have space for 3 more couples so if you are interested, act NOW!! Get more info here!!! Or hit reply to this email!
With love, gratitude, and inspiration,
Heather Paris
www.liveinspirednow.com
Email me: heather@liveinspirednow.com
Coaching is a holistic alternative to therapy. It’s fast, affordable, and highly effective! Just hit reply to this email if you’d like to know how coaching could help you or your family!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
My son Harry told his friends….
“My Mom is a crazy bitch!”
…and it was the best lie he told!!
This may sound crazy, but it’s VITALLY important that you teach your kids to lie!
I know, I know! We teach them to tell the truth but in some cases, lying is better!
Listen, peer pressure is intense and kids need a way to handle it and lying to their friends can be an extremely effective way to get out of a difficult situation.
Come up with several great “lies” WITH your kids that they can use to help get them out of risky situations.
Here are a few examples:
- “No man, I’m not doing that, my mom is a crazy bitch and will kill my ass!”
- “Nahhh, I’m already high/drunk, I don’t want any more!”
- “I’m actually allergic to alcohol, I could die if I drink it. I can’t even take cough medicine.”
- “My dad texted, he’s picking me up early because I didn’t do my stupid chores!”
Peer pressure is incredibly powerful. Our kids need to know how to handle these difficult social situations and these little lies could save them in many ways!
Be sure to tell them that after they lie their way out of danger, they must call or text you immediately to get picked up from where they are!
Also, be sure to remind them that they will never get in any trouble for these types of lies and for being responsible enough to make a better choice than their friends!
Parenting is hard. NOT parenting is much harder… on you, on the kid, and on society! If you need help, please reach out to me today! DO NOT WAIT! Prevention is easier than intervention!!!
With love, gratitude, and inspiration,
Heather Paris
Email me: heather@liveinspirednow.com
Does your child have a “guardian angel?” Check out my latest book with beautiful illustrations done by MY guardian angel: “I Have A Guardian Angel” Order now to get it before Christmas!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
I was standing at the door, I didn’t want to knock because I hate parties. I didn’t really want to go, but I was obligated. I could hear the music inside, I could see the movement of people through the windows. I could almost smell the food being served inside. My stomach was in knots.
I stood there a moment thinking…
“Maybe I could run back to my car? Would anyone see me through the window? I hate parties.”
Then my inner pep talk kicked in…
“Just need to go in, hang for an hour, then unceremoniously sneak out! You’ve got this! Smile! Everyone would miss you if you didn’t at least stop by. It’s important to them that you are there! Just do it Heather…..” Knock Knock!!
The bravest people give themselves pep talks! They don’t always count on other people to inspire, motivate, or encourage them. Instead, they pull what they need from themselves!
You can cheer on, encourage, and inspire all day long but when it comes right down to it, WE need to find our own inner voice because that is the only voice that is always with us!
This is a great skill to teach kids too!
Coaching is a holistic alternative to therapy. It’s faster, affordable, and highly effective! Just hit reply to this email if you’d like to know how coaching could help you or your family!
With love, gratitude, and inspiration,
Heather Paris
www.liveinspirednow.com
Email me: heather@liveinspirednow.com
Does your child have a “guardian angel?” Check out my latest book with beautiful illustrations done by MY guardian angel: “I Have A Guardian Angel” Order now to get it before Christmas!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Have you seen the “Me too” posts going around on social media? It’s a post designed to bring awareness to the prevalence of sexual abuse. Anyone who’s status says “Me too” is indicating that they have been the victim of sexual abuse or harassment. And sadly, these posts are popping up by the thousands!
I have worked with young people, male and female, that have been victimized sexually and it’s nearly impossible to heal from such acts, and many don’t.
You can never guarantee 100% that you’ll prevent your own children from falling victim to this type of heinous act, but there are definitely things you can do that will give you the best possible odds for preventing such a tragedy.
Please read and share these tips with your friends because knowledge is only power when it’s applied and shared!
Tips to prevent your child from being sexually abused:
1 Focus on the relationship you have with your child MORE than your expectations of your child. In other words, your relationship comes first even if they get bad grades, disappoint you, make a bad choice, or are misbehaving!
2 Call body parts by their proper names! It’s a penis, breasts, and a vagina, not a wee wee, pee pee, ding dong, boobies, or a hoo haw. These are body parts, call them by name because the more secretive you make them, the more you program your child to believe they are “unspeakable.” You WANT them to be able to talk about their body parts and understand fully who is allowed to touch them, see them, and talk about them…. mommy, daddy, or the doctor when mommy and daddy are in the room!
3 Choose babysitters VERY carefully. Bear in mind that 7 out of 10 sexual assaults happen by someone they victim knows…. usually a relative.
4 Have a plan in case your child get’s lost in the store. I used to tell my kids that if they ever got lost, find a woman and ask for help… never a man. Yes, I know that seems sexist. I don’t care. The facts are clear and most sexual predators are men, not women. I also used to put a small laminated card under the sole of their shoe with their phone number and address on it in case they ever needed it and couldn’t remember their info.
5 Don’t force kids to be around adults they don’t like. This one kills me!! If a child is uncomfortable with an adult, there is probably a reason!! Don’t force kids to “be polite” or “he’s your uncle, don’t be rude, just give uncle a kiss!” Gross. Kids should NEVER be made to show affection if they don’t want to, and they should know it’s OK for them to say NO… even to an adult!
6 Talk about secrets with your kids. Let them know that adults don’t get to have secrets with kids unless mommy and daddy are in on it! Abusers always use the “it’s a secret” card so be sure your kids know that secrets are not OK!
7 Make it safe for your child to be open and honest. Encourage them to talk to you by talking to them and being available without distractions! Let them know that no matter what they tell you, they won’t get in trouble! Talk, talk, and talk some more!
8 Know who they are spending time with! Get to know their friends AND their friends parents too. I am a huge fan of having kids over to MY house so I know exactly what’s going on. My kids always knew they could have friends over!
It’s absolutely heart breaking to see all the “Me too” posts on Facebook, let’s do all we can so that our own children never have to say “Me too.”
For MORE on this topic, please be sure to get my book Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness which includes all of my best advice for parenting, and navigating the chaos of life!
Please reach out if you need help. <3
With love, gratitude, and inspiration,
Heather Paris
www.liveinspirednow.com
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!