Lately I have read a lot of posts in which people are complaining about their “ass of an ex,” partner who is “not stepping up as a parent” or “cancelling out on visitation” or “who is still drinking.” BLAH BLAH BLAH!!! I just want to take a moment to mention that while your “EX” may very well be an “ass,” that makes you an “ass picker!”
Isn’t it time we step up and take some personal responsibility for picking the “ass?” I certainly made the wrong choices in my past, and I used to blame my “EX”, too. However, in time, I came to learn that taking personal responsibility for the people I let into my life is far more empowering than assuming the role of a victim. Once I accepted that I MADE BAD CHOICES, then and only then, did I have enough awareness to start making better choices for myself. Sure, I could blame my ex-husband for being an alcoholic, or I could take responsibility for the fact that I thought I could “fix” him, and married him with that intention. I beat myself up for years for making dumb decisions, but that didn’t do me any favors either! It wasn’t until I put on my big girl pants, did some personal development through learning, reading, and letting go that I realized I CREATE MY WORLD. I could either continue to blame everyone else for my problems, or I could step up, set a new standard for my life, make better decisions, and move forward! That is what I did, and you can too!
Stop calling your “EX” out on Facebook. So what if he is an “ass”. Guess what? Calling him an “ass” hasn’t helped the situation yet! When is the last time you called someone a mean or hurtful name and they all of a sudden jumped up and said “You are right! I am an ass! Based on your criticism and public humiliation, I think I will step up and become a better person!” Let’s face it, that is not how it works. I get it, we all need to bitch and complain sometimes to get our feelings out. Call a friend and discharge all that negativity, but stop calling your “EX” mean names in public. It hurts a child to see his parents publicly ridicule one another, and it makes you look bitter and petty.
Just because you picked the wrong person in the past, doesn’t mean you are doomed to repeat the process. Not all women/men are bad. Not all relationships have to be ugly. But if you have a history that seems to make this true, it’s time to step up, read some books, take some courses, hire a coach, and do some personal growth! You deserve to be happy, fulfilled, and in a healthy, happy relationship in which you feel like the most important person in the world to someone. But first, you have to start focusing on the positive and create a healthier, happier new environment for you and your kids! Model happiness, compassion, and kindness. Let go of the ass from the past and start picking better people to have in your life, and Live Inspired Now!
PS: If you need some help dealing with new family dynamics, please check out: You’re Not My Real Mom!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
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edna
August 20, 2014
I love this article and its exactly where I was less the fb posting. I dont place blame and I realized my part. I pledged to myself that I create my world and I refuse to chose unhealthy relationships. Stick a fork in me! Im done tgrough and through. ♥