When speaking with children always use what I call “matter of fact” speaking. Oh man, I could go on for days with this one but I will keep it brief. Basically, kids understand way more than we think they do! We all face challenges and tough times in our lives but trying to “shield” kids from that is just not realistic. Let the kids know what is going on with age appropriate words and matter of fact speaking by being honest and open. For example: if your child’s other parent won’t call or spend time with the child, do not call him names and tell him his dad is a jerk. Simply state the facts as you know them and show that you care. “I am sorry your dad has not picked you up for visitation in a month. How do you feel about that?” Then, let the child guide his own feelings….. when you say “I’m sure that makes you feel sad” you are implying your own feelings to the child. Maybe the child isn’t really sad, maybe he is angry or maybe he is actually OK with it all…… whatever the case may be, do not guide his emotions with your words. This allows the child to express their true feelings and it validates how they feel. If you think the kids “don’t hear you arguing because you don’t do it in front of the kids” you are wrong. Kids see how mom and dad act, react and interact…. if you are having challenges, let the kids know. It is OK for them to know that Mom and Dad are working through difficulties but it is not OK for them to think this behavior is the norm and we just pretend it doesn’t exist.
So today, be matter of fact when speaking with your children, value them and understand how perceptive they are and Live Inspired Now!
PS: If you have a child that is struggling, please contact me right away. I have effective and simple programs and coaching designed specifically for children that will get them back on track. (Divorce, sadness, bullying, school concerns, relationship issues, parent/child communication…… I have the tools to help you in all of these areas and more!)
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
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