If you want love, then love has to come from you! All to often I hear people telling me what they want in their relationship yet they are unwilling to give what they wish for. A young woman told me recently that she wanted a man that would respect her, treat her like a queen, listen to her, and introduce her to his family. A “nice, relationship like you see in the movies, with flowers and passion and stuff” she told me.
My advice to her, as well as to anyone looking for certain things in a relationship was this: Love must always come from you. You will never find someone to really love you if you don’t love yourself. You will never find your “king or queen” where the court jesters hang out. You will never get respect if you don’t respect yourself. You will never have that nice relationship if you settle for attention.
Stop posting half naked pictures of yourself online. Stop swearing and posting negative comments on facebook. Stop hanging out in bars or clubs. Stop falling for superficial flattery. Stop living vicariously through celebrities that have no interest in you at all. Stop making the business of others into your own. Stop flirting with people if you are in a relationship.
Instead try: Posting pictures of yourself doing great things like serving food at a shelter. Post uplifting quotes and complimentary comments on facebook. Hang out with other volunteers, church members, or people in community groups. Make friends and be a good friend; the best relationships evolve from friendships. Admire people who do good in the world. Ignore and avoid negative people. Make someone feel really special. Let your special someone feel like the most important person in your entire world.
Be the type of person you want to be in a relationship with. Be love, show kindness, express gratitude, live with purpose, speak gently, leave the world better than you found it, and Live Inspired Now!
PS: Like this post? Buy the book: Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness! Get your autographed copy now, right here on this site! I can’t wait to hear what you think! 🙂
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Unexpressed emotions lead to anger. Anger turns to resentment. Resentment kills relationships. People come to me all the time saddled with heavy emotional baggage that they have been carrying around for far too many years. Their relationships are suffering and they feel angry all the time but, don’t really know why. People use anger as a “go to” emotion for a multitude of reasons. Often times, this is because they don’t feel safe expressing sadness; they think it is a weakness. Or, because they don’t want to say something and “rock the boat.”
In order to maintain long term, happy relationships, you must make time to express your true feelings. I would add, that you must allow your partner to feel safe enough to be completely honest. Feelings or emotions that go unresolved will always lead to resentment if you don’t find an outlet to discharge. Talk open and honestly with the people in your life, if you don’t feel safe enough to do that, then perhaps you should re-think the relationship.
For example:
Your spouse makes a rude comment that they thought was funny and not meant to be hurtful.
It hurts your feelings but you say nothing.
The spouse learns (by your silence) that this is an acceptable way to joke and continues.
With every joke you feel more sad, hurt, targeted, isolated, frustrated, until it all turns to anger.
You are re-stimulated and remember ALL the rude comments every person ever made to you.
Your anger becomes overwhelming until you lash out.
A fight ensues (usually with a topic other than the original comment).
This could have been avoided if you expressed that your feelings were hurt by the first rude comment.
For example:
Your spouse makes a rude comment that they thought was funny and not meant to be hurtful.
It hurts your feelings and you express it: “I know you didn’t mean to, but that comment actually hurt my feelings.”
Your spouse gets the opportunity to apologize and make things right.
Expressing your feelings before they turn into anger is the key! You might not always get the response you wish for in exchange for your openness, but you will be able to leave the baggage behind you and know that you didn’t let yourself down by failing to acknowledge your feelings. When you express your feelings, you unconsciously acknowledge and validate yourself as a person of worth.
So today, don’t let emotions go unexpressed. Boost your self worth, strengthen your relationships by saying what you feel, and Live Inspired Now!
PS: There is an entire chapter in my book about discharging emotions and leaving the BS baggage behind! Buy an autographed copy today…. on the right hand side of this page!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
I have a knack for simplifying things. I prefer life to be simple but in today’s world, people seem to like to make everything difficult. Everything can really boil down to two things; change or acceptance. If you have a challenge, you can either change it or accept it; it really is that simple.
What exactly can you change? YOU! You are the only solution to all of your problems! You can change your attitude, behavior, feelings, and your beliefs. No, you can’t change your boss and make him nicer. You can’t change your parents and make they less judgmental. You can only change you, and how you feel about all of those people and circumstances. You just have to decide if you need to change or accept what is.
If you decide to make some changes for yourself, here are a few tips:
– Be specific about what you want to change.
– Create a plan with a timeline that is not open ended.
– Be accountable for only your own feelings, thoughts, and behaviors. What other people do, say, think, or feel is none of your business…. even if they do, say, think, or feel it about you!
– Surround yourself with supportive people, friends, or family that will support your changes.
– Hire a coach to keep you on track, hold you accountable, and encourage you.
Now, for the acceptance. If you absolutely cannot change something, then make peace and accept it. You don’t have to like it, love it, or agree with it, but if you don’t accept it, your own feelings will make you miserable. Let’s say, for example, your husband decides to cut down your favorite fruit tree while you are at work. While this may be upsetting, the tree is gone and cannot come back. Feel free to express your feelings about it but then you must accept it and make peace with what is. Choosing to remain upset for years about things out of your control will merely make your unhappy.
So, you can either change yourself or make peace with what is. Either way, you can handle it! We are solely responsible for our own happiness, for the changes we make, and for what we accept. Make some decisions about whether to accept or change things and Live Inspired Now!
PS: My book is in stock and shipping out in time for Christmas! Buy an autographed copy today!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
This is a picture of the letter I received yesterday from Madison. She is nearly done with basic training and I am so excited to watch her graduate! Madison and I have been writing letters to one another every day since she left for Texas. There is nothing more sweet than receiving a letter from your “little girl” in which she tells you that you are her best friend and that she loves you! The most important thing I ever learned as a parent is that the relationship I have with my child outweighs any accomplishments or milestones that I may wish for them to achieve. (Keep in mind, “best friend” status shouldn’t occur until after they have left home.)
When Madison was in high school, she hated it. It was like pulling teeth just to get her to go to school, never mind doing well while she was there. At one point, one of her teachers called me in to discuss her grades. He insinuated that I was not actively participating in her education because I was not “forcing” her to do her Global History project. I explained that I have provided Madison with every possible resource to be successful in school but it was up to her to actually utilize them and that I was not going to put a gun to her head and try to force her to learn. The teacher smirked at me and retorted, “Some parents are actually invested in their children’s education!” At that moment, I think I could actually feel my blood boil inside my body and I wanted to lash out but I kept my cool and asked him if he had any children of his own. He said he didn’t, then changed his answer to “Well, one on the way.” I then offered him some advice. I merely said, “Some day, I hope you understand that the child is more than the grade. I am fully invested in my child and I love her enough to let her be responsible for her own consequences. That is the real education!”
The next day, this teacher apologized to me. Madison continued to struggle through school until she finally graduated. She was always smart enough to do the work, but like her mother, she didn’t find as much value in the classroom as she did in real world experience. I have no doubt that she will continue to be successful! Oh and what is success in our house? Happiness.
In this letter that Madison sent, the first line says “Mom, I miss you so much, you are my best friend.” I would say that my “investment” in my kid paid off! She is bright, loving, kind, and compassionate and I am very proud of her. Remember: while your children are growing up, the most important thing is to create a bond that will remain once they leave the home. Worry less about what other people think, don’t listen to ignorant comments, hug your babies, and Live Inspired Now!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Once upon a time there was an inspired princess. She was the most beautiful princess of all time, with long red curly locks of hair that often overwhelmed her freckled, fair skin. The princess had an incredibly compassionate heart and always prioritized the needs of her people above her own; they loved her very much.
The princess herself had but one wish. She wished for true love. As a child she had heard a story of another princess in a far away land that kissed a frog and released a prince charming so she vowed to kiss frogs until her prince emerged.
The princess occupied her days with helping everyone and making other people very happy. In her spare time, she “kissed” every frog she came across, looking for the man of her dreams. Magnificent princes rode gallantly into her kingdom to court the inspired princess but she quickly sent them away; after all, they were not frogs and she knew that she was to rescue an ugly old frog from his tortured existence. So on she went, helping everyone, kissing frogs, and avoiding princes; and she did this for years.
One day, she woke and didn’t feel as inspired. She wondered why she was spending her days sharing her wealth and helping others, and still had not been rewarded with the one thing she truly wanted. How much longer would she have to give unselfishly only to return to her castle each night, lonely. It seemed as if she had lost her inspiration. She stopped leaving her castle and helping the people, and vowed to never kiss another frog.
One day, a knock came upon the large castle door. The sad, uninspired princess opened the door to see a very handsome prince standing before her with a large basket overflowing with baked goods, fresh fruit, vegetables, and hand made crafts. The charming prince told her that the townspeople missed her and had put together their finest offerings and had asked him to kindly deliver them to her with their love. The princess was moved to tears and invited the prince in to the castle. They shared baked goods from the basket and swapped stories for hours. Later, as the prince was preparing for his departure, she kissed his cheek and thanked him for the best day she had in years.
The princess returned to town after that and continued her work: caring for the sick, feeding the poor, and generously sharing what she had with her people. Eventually, she and the prince fell in love and on the day they were to be married the princess thanked the towns people for sending the prince to her. She also thanked the prince for helping her to see things clearly. She had been so busy trying to save frogs, she forgot to save herself.
The Inspired Princess and Prince Charming were married. They presided happily over an abundant and joyous kingdom, and lived inspired and happily ever after!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
