Once, many years ago, a friend of mine called me “obnoxious” because I always like to be doing things. I didn’t want to just stay home… I wanted to take road trips, go to conventions, and I always had some volunteering or service project that I was involved in.
She said it was obnoxious that I “always needed something to look forward to” as if I was never content and let me know that she believed she was far more “grounded” than I was.
It hurt my feelings. I felt judged for being an adventurer, and I felt rejected by her because she never cared enough to get involved in any of my projects, or even to ask about them.
The worst part of it all, was that I constantly questioned myself instead of looking at the source of the criticism. And that is common.
Criticism or judgment comes our way and we think “What’s wrong with ME” instead of asking ourselves “What’s wrong in this person’s life that they need to criticize me?”
I lived like a prisoner to the opinion of other people for far too long and I didn’t speak up because I was afraid of hearing “I don’t want to be your friend anymore!”
I let people who would insult me have power over me! That’s just crazy!
So I learned to be brave enough to live life my way. I hope you will too!
Here are a few tips to be brave enough to live life your way:
1 Keep it real. Let’s face it, if someone is willing to dump you because you have an opinion, then they don’t deserve to be in your life anyway! Upgrade your tribe!
2 Embrace your supporters! You DO have someone in your life that is always supportive…. embrace them, thank them, and invite them to the celebration of YOU!
3 Realize that judgment is nothing more than an opinion. And do you want to live by the opinion of someone else, especially if he’s a jerk? No way!
4 Try it! Action will always make you feel brave! Over-thinking or prolonged planning will only hold you back from taking that first step!
5 Be aware and accepting! It’s OK to be afraid of doing, being, or trying… don’t beat yourself up! Admit you are afraid, accept that fear is normal, and go for it while you are still afraid!
6 Nobody ever died from judgment or rejection! Allow yourself to feel sad, hurt, embarrassed or whatever and then move on!
A friend (a real friend) once said to me, “I admire you, You are always so brave, you don’t care what other people think!” I thought about that statement for a long time and responded… “I care what you think, but I no longer care what some people think. We only have limited, precious time on earth and I won’t squander that time on people that don’t appreciate me as I am.”
I honor who you are, and I hope you will honor YOU as well!
Love and Inspiration,
Heather
Want help with something you are struggling with? Contact me today!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Have you ever read the book “Holes?”
In the book, the main character Stanley mentioned that life digging holes was so bad that he would sometimes prod a small rattlesnake to bite him so he could get a couple of days of rest in the tent to recover.
Hmmm…. if sometimes a rattlesnake bite is a GOOD thing, maybe other things that seem bad are just opportunities!
How can you turn a rattlesnake bite into something positive?
- Could a neglectful family member just be a reminder to be closer to your own kids?
- Could a burnt Thanksgiving meal be a great excuse to eat dessert for dinner?
- Could being snowed in be an opportunity to get some things done at home?
( Yes… I am currently snowed in but Thad just messaged me now and said that he found someone to come plow us out in the next few hours! Yay!! )
It’s not naive to look for the silver lining in every situation, it’s astute!
So this week, when stresses can be higher and family can be crankier, consider the rattlesnake bite and find the lesson or blessing in each moment.
Happy Thanksgiving! I wish you soooo much love, inspiration, and happiness this week! 🙂
Love and Inspiration,
Heat
I only use 100% Pure makeup! Check out the “Black Friday” deals…
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Wow wow wow!!!
I recommend books all the time, but THIS book… seriously, I almost unfriended someone over it! lol
The other day I told a friend, “If you don’t read Love Warrior, we can no longer be friends!” And although I wasn’t seriously going to unfriend her, I was serious about my passion for this book!
Love Warrior will transform your thinking, and inspire your soul! I hope you will read it, and I really hope you will let me know what you think of it too. Get Love Warrior on Amazon here.
The book you don’t read won’t help! -Jim Rohn
I am not going to tell you anything about the book itself. I want you to discover all the beauty, raw truth, and inspiration for yourself. But do let me know what you think!! 🙂
Have you already read the book? Be sure to share it with someone who could use it!
Love and Inspiration,
Heather
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Contempt is the #1 indicator of divorce according to the research of Dr. John Gottman. But what exactly is contempt?
Contempt is the feeling that a person is worthless and it will destroy any relationship!
You might think that people in great relationships never fight, but the truth is, they just fight in a way that doesn’t destroy one another.
Good arguing means to keep the argument about the disagreement rather than going on a personal attack aimed at your spouse.
Attacking another person will never drive your point home, it will only drive it through their heart and slowly kill your relationship!
Contempt shows up as sarcastic comments, extreme bitterness, rejection of the other person, snarky voice tones and feeling resentful. When contempt is present you can feel the room drop to an ice cold, frigid temperature. It’s almost impossible to tolerate and you feel less than zero if it’s directed at you.
If you notice that you are feeling contempt toward your partner, here are a few things to try instead:
- Focus on gratitude- some people are way happier with way less
- Be appreciative and thankful- especially for the little things
- Be a gold miner- recognize the good rather than pointing out the bad
- Brag about your spouse to friends- it might change your own attitude
- Lose the tude- drop the eye rolls, sneering glances, and sarcastic tones
- Try to be playful- when’s the last time you decided to just have some fun
If you notice that you are on the receiving end of contempt, here are a few defenses:
- Explain how you are feelings- “I feel afraid right now.”
- Allow your emotions to show- it’s OK to cry if you feel sad
- Acknowledge your spouses feelings- “I see that you are angry right now, may we work on this together?”
- Express appreciation- “I appreciate how passionate you are about this, let’s find a solution.”
- Take a break- it’s OK to get away from the situation if you feel out of control
- State change- change your partners state of mind by distracting them, or doing something unexpected and pleasant
These are just a few of the things you could do to try and remedy contempt in a relationship but if you are struggling, please reach out! The longer contempt is allowed to flow, the harder it becomes to save the relationship.
And if you know someone that is struggling, please share this with them! You never know who you are inspiring, you might just save a relationship!
Love,
Heather
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
One year ago today, “Carrie,” who was my best friend for 30 years, died. She had cancer.
I don’t know if it’s an “American” thing, or if people everywhere feel this way, but we seem to have a very unrealistic idea of death. We think we have nothing but time and then are almost offended when it comes to an end. Expecting that each of us should live until we have reached an acceptable age for death.
What if we changed our perception of death? What if we accepted that death will come, and decided to live accordingly? What if we just lived each day, as if it were our first and last day of life?
If today was my first day of life, I would look at everything with wonder and amazement. I would be excited and enthusiastic. I would smile, laugh, run, and jump!
If today was my last day of life, I would tell everyone how much I love them. I would hug, kiss, snuggle, and stay as close as possible. I would leave nothing unsaid, nothing undone, and nothing unappreciated.
Life is full of happiness, beauty, love, music, nature, babies, puppies, waterfalls, food, people, technology, fun, colors, entertainment, and…. opportunities!
Opportunities to live and love, not just exist!
Today I choose to be happy, to celebrate life, and to love hard! I will remember fond memories, and spend my day creating new fond memories!
What will you choose for today?
Ask yourself:
-If today was my first day of life, what would I do?
-If today was my last day of life, what would I do?
-Why aren’t I doing these things today?
*Click here to read “Saying Goodbye To A Friend,” my post about Carrie.*
Love,
Heather
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!