3 different clients made me say these words this week:
“You are NOT the mood police!”
This is one of the most prevalent challenges in our society today…. we feel the need to correct or fix the feelings of other people because we feel their bad mood is a reflection of us as a person.
Imagine this:
- Husband is in a cranky mood.
- Wife is irritated by husband’s cranky mood so she tries to make him feel happy.
- Husband doesn’t want to feel happy right now. He wants to be left alone to think for a bit.
- Wife gets even more irritated that husband won’t “snap out of it.”
- Wife feels rejected and becomes cranky.
- Husband and wife argue and it escalates from crankiness to anger and now they both retreat away from one another to stew in rejection and misery.
- Kids are now upset too because Mom and Dad are fighting again.
It doesn’t have to be like this!
Imagine this instead:
- Husband is in a cranky mood.
- Wife asks if he’d like to talk about it.
- Husband says “No thank you, I’d prefer to have some time alone to stew.”
- Wife says “OK my love, take all the time you need.”
- Husband goes and has some alone time.
- Wife goes and plays with the kids.
- An hour later the husband emerges and thanks his wife for allowing him some time and they escalate into a supportive conversation about the days frustrations.
- Kids see a Mom and Dad lovingly supporting one another and feel happy and secure.
Other people are entitled to feel however they want to feel. It is not our job to constantly police moods, feelings, or emotions! And remember this…
Another persons emotions are NOT a reflection of you, your parenting, your relationship, your abilities, or your productivity! Your spouse does NOT love you because of what you provide. They love you because you are you!
What does this topic mean to you? Just hit reply to this email and let me know! I can’t wait to hear your thoughts!
With love, gratitude, and inspiration,
Heather Paris
GUESS WHAT???? Coach training is now OPEN!!! Check it out now… space is limited, jump in now…. BECOME A COACH!!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Your kiddo would like you to know that when YOU feel good, THEY feel good!!!
It really is that simple.
Parents over work and under take care of themselves so they can “provide” for the family but what the kid really wants is for you to be happy.
In fact, every kid I talk to cares more about their parents happiness than they do about their cell phones. They would give up all their electronic toys if it meant their parents would smile, laugh, and spend quality time with them.
Your kids will only ever be as OK as you are!
Stress rolls downhill! If you are stressed so are they. And blanket statements like “I have to work to provide all the nice things you have!” does not negate their stress!
Think about that. No really think about it……….
When was the last time someone stressed themselves out for you and you felt good about it?
Likely, never! Unless you’re a sociopath (and you’re not) you would never want someone else to be stressed to the max for you! You would feel horrible!
So. Take better care of yourself. There is a 100% link between mental health and physical health.
Work less, workout more…. and ask the kids to join you! You don’t have to go kill it at a gym… just take a walk, or a hike together!
Eat less, cook more…. and ask the kids to join you in the kitchen! You don’t have to prepare a 5 course meal… but cook a healthy meal instead of grabbing take out all of the time.
Your kids want you to spend time with them more than they want you to spend money on them. So cut the stress and hug your babies! Listen… they move out on their own far quicker than you realize!
You don’t want them to reach 18 and be dying to leave the house because it’s so stressful! You want them to feel bittersweet… happy to start a new adventure, but also miss you! That way they come back to visit!
With love, gratitude, and inspiration,
Heather Paris
UPDATE: I’ve lost 40 pounds which is 160 pounds of pressure off my joints!! I feel amazing and have loads of energy, and I’ve seen a shift in my own kids and how they are eating as well!!!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
I’m proud of something my daughter Carrie said, but I didn’t tell her I was proud, and here’s why…
So Carrie was invited to a party at her friends house. She was told the party would be totally unchaperoned!
( No parents. No rules. No freakin way right!? )
Carrie came home from school and this is what she said to me:
“Mom, I feel sad because all my friends are having a party and I’m not going. There will be no parents at the party, so I’m not going…. and I know I wouldn’t be allowed to go anyway, but really I don’t want to with no adults.”
No. This was not a dream! My 15 year old daughter really said this to me! And my reply….
“I’m sorry you feel sad about missing the party. It sounds like you are making a great choice! How do you feel about that?”
She told me that she felt proud of herself and I offered her a hug which she took!
Oh man… what a proud mommy moment!
I have lots of proud moments with her and I do tell her I am proud of her sometimes, but emotional intelligence is all about helping kids build their own self esteem, and self pride so they will make the right choices all on their own!
- Kids make better choices when they want to be proud of themselves vs. just making their parents proud.
- Kids make better choices when they are coached through challenges vs. being forced into submission.
- Kids make better choices when they see emotional intelligence modeled for them.
- Kids make better choices when they know how to explain their feelings instead of acting on them!
Listen, if you are pregnant, or your children are small, it’s easier to start “emotion coaching” your children now while they are still so impressionable.
If you have teens, it’s not too late, but it is much harder! If you need help, please just hit reply to this email and I am happy to talk to you about how coaching could help you and your family!
In the meantime, instead of making all the decisions for your kids:
- Give them age appropriate responsibility and ask them how they feel about their choices!
- Take an interest in how they feel about things, not just the situation.
- And when possible, let natural consequences happen instead of punishing.
Have a super duper rest of your week!!
And don’t forget… if you are struggling in your relationship, you need to check out www.diyrelationshiprepair.com today before there is no relationship left to repair!
What do you think about today’s post? Hit reply to this email and let me know!
With love, gratitude, and inspiration,
Heather Paris
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
If you haven’t heard of the Netflix show “13 Reason Why” and you have children, you should really become familiar.
The long and short of it is this. A teenage girl goes through some pretty horrible experiences, creates 13 cassette tapes addressed to the people that hurt her, leaves the tapes with a friend, then goes home and commits suicide.
Does “13 Reasons Why” glorify suicide? Yes, and no. Let me explain…
If your child is mentally and emotionally strong and resilient, and not easily influenced, then no, it’s not glorifying suicide.
If your child is mentally or emotionally vulnerable, has little or no control over their emotions, and is easily influenced, then yes, absolutely it will glorify suicide to your child who’s watching the show in a raw mental state.
I personally watched the entire series with my 15 year old daughter Carrie. There were violent scenes including 2 rapes, underage drinking and drugs, horrendous examples of parenting, and countless disappointments that make you want to scream to the screen to save this poor young girl who was already dead in the first episode. They even showed her suicide, and it wasn’t a hint, it was a full gut wrenching, emotionally torturous scene.
Carrie and I cried, we were appalled, we cringed and closed our eyes, and we gasped but most of all…. we talked.
I don’t think any child, no matter what age, should be allowed to watch this show without parental participation and input. Again, if your teen is struggling… this series will show them how much influence a dead girl has on the world and I know that is NOT what you want your teen focused on if they are in pain.
Let me share with you 13 Reason Why you’d better empower your kids, before they think that suicide is a good option.
- It’s your job, responsibility, and obligation to ensure your child’s mental, emotional, social, and physical safety at all times and you can’t do that if you don’t know what they are watching, who they are with, and what they are experiencing.
- Your kind words may be the only ones they hear in a day.
- Anti-bullying campaigns don’t work. There will always be bully’s and mean people. The best way to protect your child is to teach them to protect themselves! Teach them emotional intelligence and resilience, mental strength, and some physical training wouldn’t hurt either! Self defense classes are a great way to help young people feel more secure!
- Make it safe for them to talk to you about anything so you can help them when they struggle. Let them know they will not get in trouble for being honest because their safety is your first priority!
- You can’t fix dead.
- When they leave the house, they need to know that no matter how bad the day was, they have a safe place to come home to. Safe from fighting, abuse, neglect, and despair… otherwise, they will find another place to spend their time and it only has to be LESS abusive, not healthy.
- Kids who are engaged in groups, sports, or activities with people, feel more accepted and connected and less likely to feel desperate.
- Kids who know how to care for their own emotional and mental needs are less likely to be discouraged when they are faced with challenges or tough times.
- Kids who are discerning are less likely to hang out with people who are involved in risky behavior or with people who won’t have their best interest in mind.
- Confident kids will advocate for themselves when they need it.
- Kids who understand consequences make better choices.
- Kids learn from, copy, and are deeply influenced by TV shows and if you don’t agree with me then explain to me why advertisers pay millions of dollars for one Superbowl commercial!
- Suicide doesn’t take pain away, it just gives it to other people.
Listen, this show can be a nightmare or an opportunity. If your child is struggling, don’t let them watch it and take this as a HUGE SCREAMING SIGN to do something to empower your kiddo before it’s too late! Never take your child’s safety for granted.
It is your responsibility to model good emotional and mental health for your children and to communicate with them! You can’t over communicate!
Please please please talk to your kids today. If you need help, reach out!! If you feel like you need to learn some mental and emotional intelligence yourself, join my life coach training course now and get what you need to empower yourself and your family! (Registration closes at the end of this week.)
There is NO substitute for your relationship with your child. They need you even if they say they don’t. They want you to know them, even if they say they don’t. And they love you even if they don’t say it.
Please share this article with anyone who has children. Let’s spread the word and see how many families we can help! Thank you!
Experience has made me wise, coaching has shown me how to share that wisdom.
Your friends already come to your for advice…. add these practical coaching strategies to your toolbox and blow your friends mind with your awesomeness! Become a life coach…. get paid for what you already do, and make a huge impact on your world!
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You can use your experience, combined with the skills you learn to help your children, students, friends, family members, or your community!
Join us today and share your gift with the world!
Love and inspiration,
Heather Paris
National Suicide Prevention Hotline: open 24/7
Call 1-800-273-8255
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Recently a client asked me “How can I instill a sense of pride in my kid?”
My answer: “Stop telling them you are proud of them every time they do something!”
No really. Just stop. Here’s why.
When we over praise, we teach kids that they should be doing things for us, for the validation, and not for their own self satisfaction.
It also teaches them that their worth is equated to what they do, produce, or achieve.
Trade your praise for love and affection and ask your child how they feel about their own performance instead.
The picture shown here is the inside of a card that I sent to our daughter Madison. She is 22 and just got a great job! I am proud of her…. but not because she got a great job.
I am proud of her because she’s my daughter and I love her.
It may sound like such a small distinction but when your child fails at something, and they will, they will believe they have let you down, and that they are not worthy of your affection or love if you only praise achievements.
I see it every single day and it breaks my heart.
So instead of praising your kiddo all of the time, try this instead.
Ask them: “How do you feel you did?” Then respond to their feelings.
There is definitely a time and place for praising your kiddos! I like to praise them when they do acts of kindness that you wouldn’t normally expect. Like seeing a woman in the grocery store dropping items and running over to help, or offering their own money to someone in need and so on.
Even then, be sure to ask them how those acts made them feel! Allow them to grow a sense of pride in themselves by advocating for their success without over praising. Then, instead of praising, try saying something like “That was beautiful to see, thank you!”
Let me know your thoughts or please do share your story at the bottom of the page!
Experience has made me wise, coaching has shown me how to share that wisdom.
If you are ready to join the mission to raise emotional intelligence and teach others how to as well, please learn more about the Live Inspired Now Coach Training and get your FREE 6 Day Mini Coaching Course:
Live Inspired Now Coach Training Course
You can use your experience, combined with the skills you learn to help your children, students, friends, family members, or your community!
Join us today and share your gift with the world!
Love and inspiration,
Heather Paris
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!