Kids are born with everything they need to grow into confident, self-assured, well-rounded adults…. yet self-esteem is gravely lacking in our culture. Why? Because we teach kids to ignore everything they are naturally born with.
We teach them to seek approval rather than to self advocate. We teach them that their needs are less important than others. We teach them to compromise their own feelings. And worst of all, we teach them to self loathe by the examples we set.
We should not be teaching kids to get validation for their self-worth from a gold star sticker. They are good and worthy just because they exist, yet we teach them that their only worth is when the parents or teachers are pleased with them.
Then, we teach them to “share” their toys, and “be fair,” which is completely contrary to real life. Yes, we want to teach kids generosity and compassion, but not at the expense of their own feelings or happiness. You don’t share your house, car, or shiny new tractor with people, so don’t expect your child to share their favorite toy either. If it’s special, they may not want to share it. Teach them instead to share their time with others because THEY are what’s special… not the toy.
Things are not always “fair” in life, they aren’t supposed to be. Teaching kids to be “fair” is actually only training them to be “entitled!” Entitled kids grow up to think they deserve things, and that they shouldn’t have to work for what they have. They end up living in your basement when they are 30 with nothing but a million excuses as to why “life isn’t fair” and is holding them back!
And finally, we teach kids to self loathe because that is what we mirror for them. Kids are completely in love with themselves when they are small. They love to see themselves in mirrors, they make silly faces at themselves, they smile, laugh, and dance without a care in the world. They don’t care who is watching, nor do they care what anyone thinks. Until they see Mom or Dad become embarrassed, or Mom and Dad tells them to “stop because everyone is watching.” Or the child stands and watches Mom poke her own fat in the mirror and talk about how disgusting she is. Or the child hears Dad say “Keep your voice down, I don’t want anyone to think we are losers.” There are millions of examples of how we teach our kids to dim their own light. The best thing we can do to counteract this is to model better behavior. Kids will hate or love themselves, just as much as we do! Do them a favor and love yourself, respect yourself, hold yourself in much higher esteem!
Our society, in general doesn’t promote self-esteem. Isn’t it time for a change? Especially since we are already born with esteem and we go out of our way to wreck it! Let’s stop doing that! Let’s start to raise the standard of confidence, worth, respect, altruism, and self-esteem in our society! Let’s start by not removing these inherent traits in our young people. Let’s model good behavior, raise the standard, and Live Inspired Now!
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Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
I just realized that I talk a lot about attitude on my Mom’s Musings board, but hey, with 5 teenagers in my home, I definitely know a lot about attitudes!!! It’s true…. we create our own reality. Two kids with the same upbringing may have 2 completely different opinions and attitudes about how they were raised. Two people diagnosed with the exact same disease will have different ways of handling it. Two people doing the same job and 1 will love it while the other hates it! How much of your own attitude has effected your reality?
Create your reality with as much positive attitude and intention as possible, choose happiness and joy, and Live Inspired Now!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Life really is as good or bad as your own attitude! Have an amazingly fantastic Friday friends, and Live Inspired Now!!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Lately I have read a lot of posts in which people are complaining about their “ass of an ex,” partner who is “not stepping up as a parent” or “cancelling out on visitation” or “who is still drinking.” BLAH BLAH BLAH!!! I just want to take a moment to mention that while your “EX” may very well be an “ass,” that makes you an “ass picker!”
Isn’t it time we step up and take some personal responsibility for picking the “ass?” I certainly made the wrong choices in my past, and I used to blame my “EX”, too. However, in time, I came to learn that taking personal responsibility for the people I let into my life is far more empowering than assuming the role of a victim. Once I accepted that I MADE BAD CHOICES, then and only then, did I have enough awareness to start making better choices for myself. Sure, I could blame my ex-husband for being an alcoholic, or I could take responsibility for the fact that I thought I could “fix” him, and married him with that intention. I beat myself up for years for making dumb decisions, but that didn’t do me any favors either! It wasn’t until I put on my big girl pants, did some personal development through learning, reading, and letting go that I realized I CREATE MY WORLD. I could either continue to blame everyone else for my problems, or I could step up, set a new standard for my life, make better decisions, and move forward! That is what I did, and you can too!
Stop calling your “EX” out on Facebook. So what if he is an “ass”. Guess what? Calling him an “ass” hasn’t helped the situation yet! When is the last time you called someone a mean or hurtful name and they all of a sudden jumped up and said “You are right! I am an ass! Based on your criticism and public humiliation, I think I will step up and become a better person!” Let’s face it, that is not how it works. I get it, we all need to bitch and complain sometimes to get our feelings out. Call a friend and discharge all that negativity, but stop calling your “EX” mean names in public. It hurts a child to see his parents publicly ridicule one another, and it makes you look bitter and petty.
Just because you picked the wrong person in the past, doesn’t mean you are doomed to repeat the process. Not all women/men are bad. Not all relationships have to be ugly. But if you have a history that seems to make this true, it’s time to step up, read some books, take some courses, hire a coach, and do some personal growth! You deserve to be happy, fulfilled, and in a healthy, happy relationship in which you feel like the most important person in the world to someone. But first, you have to start focusing on the positive and create a healthier, happier new environment for you and your kids! Model happiness, compassion, and kindness. Let go of the ass from the past and start picking better people to have in your life, and Live Inspired Now!
PS: If you need some help dealing with new family dynamics, please check out: You’re Not My Real Mom!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
“Hey Heather-
My daughter is very sensitive. It’s such a scary world, and I can see why she gets overwhelmed. I have encouraged her to cry, talk about her feelings, and even make her sit with me each day after school to allow her to let go of all the negative emotions. She loves this time together but it seems like she never gets relief from it. Any suggestions?”
-Mom to very sensitive 12-year-old
Dear Mom,
It sounds like you might be helping her a little too much. It is great that you are there for your daughter, but it sounds like she is getting more enjoyment from all the attention over being sensitive. I don’t know the language you are using with her, but be very matter of fact when you speak with her about her feelings. Parents sometimes “lead” the conversation and talk the kids into feeling a certain way. For example: if you daughter says someone called her a name, don’t say “oh that must have made you feel so bad,” or “I am so sorry that happened to you, that is despicable and you should not have to tolerate such behavior!” This only tells her that she SHOULD feel badly, when she may have only felt irritated but moved on from it.
Instead, just ask her how SHE felt. If she says “hurt,” then hug her and let her know it’s OK to feel hurt, and it’s OK to move past it too! Also remind her, that other people may have opinions about her, but that doesn’t make them true.
Here is an antidote I like to use with my own kids and my clients:
Are you green? Is your skin color green? No, there is no debating that, so you don’t have to be offended. In fact, it’s rather funny if someone called you green because it makes no sense. Why then would it bother you if someone called you “dumb?” Are you dumb? NO! So you can laugh at that funny statement too!
Mom, stop focusing so much on the negative emotions she is feeling and start asking her “what’s good?” Turn her focus to the positive things that happen each day, let her express feelings then move on, and use matter of fact language without putting your own emotion into it. Go spend some time with your daughter having some fun and laughing…. and Live Inspired Now!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!