Having the ability to understand and share the feelings of another is NOT always a good thing.
When I was married to my first husband Donnie, who was (and still is) an alcoholic and drug abuser, I had a serious case of empathy bias…. showing favor for those who are suffering.
Donnie was actually a really kind person but to cope with a horrible childhood, he turned to drugs and alcohol to alleviate his pain at a very young age.
During our brief marriage, I could feel his pain and it was soul crushing. I wanted to alleviate his suffering, so I did whatever I could to try and make things better….
- I downplayed his drinking
- I denied his drug abuse completely
- I didn’t reach out for help
- I’d constantly clean up the messes he made with his friends and family
- I took responsibility for his bad behavior and mistakes
…. and it only got worse.
Empathy is a beautiful quality until it turns into codependency. Then it hurts both people.
Codependency is when you rely on other people for your own identity so you enable their poor choices, bad behavior and addictions.
I was codependent on Donnie because my identity was reliant upon him getting clean and sober. I lived only to make sure he was OK, and that our marriage appeared successful.
Now, after almost 30 years, 3 kids, education, therapy, and training…. I truly am grateful for my experiences because I get to help so many people in a formal way without losing myself to an unhealthy relationship!
Do you have empathy bias? Is your big heart and desire to help turning into a codependent situation?
Contact me and let’s talk.
You CAN break free from the codependent merry-go-round and find true happiness that isn’t reliant on other people….. and life is exquisite when you can enjoy it fully without bearing the weight of the world.
Contact me and let’s set up a free consultation call.
I look forward to hearing from you!
Sharing is caring! Please share!
With love, gratitude, and inspiration,
Heather Paris
607-269-7815
www.liveinspirednow.com
Email me: heather@liveinspirednow.com
Follow me on YouTube, Instagram (@heatherparis) and Facebook!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Are you willing to read on to learn how to get your spouse, kids, friends, or clients to say YES more often?
It’s very simple, let me show you how….
From now on, instead of telling, or even asking someone to do something, ask them if they are “willing.”
For example:
“Hey kiddo, are you willing to do the dishes so I can start dinner?”
“Hey Babe, are you willing to take out the trash for me so I don’t get my hair wet in the rain?”
“Hey readers, are you willing to read on…….” (See what I did there with that one? lol)
Commands, or questions that are disguised as commands often don’t work AND they put strain on your relationships.
When you ask someone if they “are willing” then you give them a choice in how they decide to act as a person.
It takes the focus OFF of the task, and puts it on the persons willingness to help and it’s FAR more effective in getting a YES! You might even get an enthusiastic HELL YES!
Are you willing to share this with someone who might be struggling? Just share this page with them!
What are YOUR thoughts on this? Leave your comments below! I LOVE your feedback!
With love, gratitude, and inspiration,
Heather Paris
607-269-7815
www.liveinspirednow.com
Email me: heather@liveinspirednow.com
Follow me on YouTube, Instagram (@heatherparis) and Facebook!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Let me start by saying I hate that I even have to talk about this but the fact is:
- porn is pervasive in our world
- our kids are vulnerable
- it’s exceptionally damaging
- tons of parent’s ask me about it.
So let’s discuss some ways to keep our kids safe!
Yes, even YOUR kid can be exposed to porn. I don’t care what religion you are, how secure your internet is, or how much you’ve “protected” them…. it’s everywhere and no kid is 100% safe.
Thad and I will be doing a brief Facebook live talk on this subject tonight, January 29th, at 9pm so please join us then. My Facebook address: https://www.facebook.com/heatherloveslife
In the meantime, here are a few strategies to protect your babies!
For younger kids:
1 Have “the talk!”
If you don’t talk to your kids about sex, someone else will and it may not align with your own values or beliefs. In addition, they may just get information that is completely inaccurate…. for example: “You can’t get pregnant the first time you do it.”
2 Have “the talk” EARLY!
No age is too young to discuss intimacy and sex. Obviously you need to use age appropriate language and the earlier the better because it makes porn less alluring. You had to talk about peeing and pooping in the potty, don’t clam up about sex!
3 Use appropriate body part names!
It’s a vagina and a penis. Not a hoohaw, peepee, or private parts. Use the real names as they are real body parts just like the nose, arm, and knee. The more evasive you are with your language, the more you unconsciously drive home that their parts are embarrassing and the less likely they are to have open talks with you.
4 Tell kids WHO gets access to their genitals!
Make sure they know that only Mommy and Daddy or the Doctor when Mommy or Daddy are with them, get access to their genitals. Tell them what touching is OK too… wiping after the bathroom, changing diapers, or checking for a rash etc.
For older kids:
1 Everything on the list above if you haven’t done it. Better late than never…
2 Family zone!
Keep computers in the family room. Don’t allow laptops or computers in children’s bedrooms. Kids should be in a public area when using the internet.
3 History tells all!
Check the history on your computer often. I’m no computer whiz but there must be some software that blocks certain sites, or can help monitor what sites are visited on the family computer. Thad handles that stuff in our home but if you don’t have a “Thad” then a quick google search should give you plenty of computer safety options.
4 Sexual feelings are normal, not bad.
Please let your kids know that their sexual urges and desires are totally normal. They are not “bad” for wanting sex, they are human. Never demonize your child. Just discuss with them appropriate ways to deal with their sexual urges. Yes, this is a wicked awkward conversation but open and honest communication is the most effective antidote to destructive decisions.
5 If you catch them, don’t lose your shit.
Seriously, if you pick up your laptop and find they have been searching and or watching porn, put the laptop down, take a few nice deep breaths, and come up with your talking points. Screaming, grounding, ignoring, or punishing your kiddo is a missed learning opportunity. Again, their desires are completely normal and they need to learn that porn is NOT the way to deal with their own biology.
6 Sex can be funny.
A little laughter goes a long way. Not every conversation with your child has to be a lecture, or deadly serious. Over-dramatizing a situation is a great way to make it even more attractive; lighten the mood with a little levity.
7 Allow your kids to do something “bad.”
Letting your kids get away with a few things that they think are “bad” is a great way to help them express themselves in a safer way. For example, let your kid dye their hair pink, or skip a day of school to go shopping with you, or let them have a friend over on a school night. Be sure to pretend that you HATE the idea and that they are “winning” one over on you. Kids need to rebel, it’s part of childhood. Allow them to rebel in safe ways rather than by doing things that are very harmful such as watching porn, or having sex too early.
8 Be the hang out house!
You get to be the cool mom or dad that allows everyone to hang out in your house. It’s easier to monitor what your kids are doing if they are at your home. You can’t watch them at their friends house and their friends may have a laptop and web cam in their locked bedroom. Yikes!
We offer more tips HERE on you youtube: https://youtu.be/gjQWiAtmslo
Be sure to tune in and feel free to message me with specific questions that you have before we go live. I’ll try to answer all questions (anonymously of course.)
There are no guarantees that you can completely protect your children at all times, but you can increase your odds by being proactive and active when it comes to their safety.
Watch the youtube video and get more tips at: https://youtu.be/gjQWiAtmslo
Please share this message if you know someone that may benefit. Thanks!
What are YOUR thoughts on this? Comment below!
With love, gratitude, and inspiration,
Heather Paris
607-269-7815
www.liveinspirednow.com
Email me: heather@liveinspirednow.com
Follow me on YouTube, Instagram (@heatherparis) and Facebook!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Your loved one wants you to know this one simple truth…
They love YOU, for you, not for what you do.
It’s that simple. Your husband/wife/kid/boyfriend/girlfriend/best friend etc… they love YOU. Not what you do, what you produce, or how hard you work.
They might appreciate those qualities about you, but they love YOU simply because you are their person.
If you couldn’t work any more, or stopped painting, or decided to cut your hair short, or wanted to try a new career, they will STILL love you.
They love YOU, for you, not for what you do.
We are so goal oriented in our society that we forget that love is not predicated on achievement.
After coaching thousands and thousands of people of all kinds, I know this to be 100% true. They love YOU, for you, not for what you do and they just want you to be happy.
So stop beating yourself up and downplaying your worth… you matter to them.
With love, gratitude, and inspiration,
Heather Paris
607-269-7815
www.liveinspirednow.com
Email me: heather@liveinspirednow.com
Follow me on YouTube, Instagram (@heatherparis) and Facebook!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
It may sound like a small thing but yesterday I impulsively decided to apply to be a vendor at an art festival selling my hand painted rocks!
Big hairy deal right?
Well impulsivity CAN be a big deal… if you don’t learn to manage it!
People, especially young people, have a need for adventure! Some more than others, but we ALL have the need.
Personally, my need for adventure is higher than most and when I was younger, I would sometimes meet that need in a negative way because I didn’t understand it or know how to meet my needs in healthier ways.
So impulsively spending money on clothes that I didn’t need, quitting a job, or getting in my car and driving to visit a friend 6 hours away on a whim was standard practice in my young life.
NOW… I’ve learned to take risks without being risky. I allow myself to be impulsive on things that hold little or no risk to my personal safety, stability, or integrity.
I cannot tell you how important it is to learn, or teach your kids, to be adventurous in a safer way!
Kids that need higher amounts of adventure are at high risk for getting involved in unhealthy activities like drugs, sexual encounters, gangs, disruptive behavior, and risky stunts, dares, or challenges if they aren’t directed to healthier choices!
Allow yourself or your children to be “adventurous” in ways that won’t risk personal safety, health, or happiness!
Some adventurous examples for kids might be snowboarding, zip lining, hiking, cutting school for a mom/son date day, or even just daring them to climb into the pillow bin at Walmart! Find ways to let them get their heart pounding, adrenaline racing, and laughing their butts off!
It’s good to engage in adventure from time to time!
So…. yes, I entered a festival as a rock painting “artist” and guess what? They accepted me! So now I get to spend the Summer painting rocks in preparation for the “Purple Painted Lady” festival in September and I couldn’t be more thrilled! It’s simply for the FUN of it… nothing more! If I don’t sell one single rock, I don’t even care… I’ll give them away for Christmas! lol. Painting is a source of meditation and relaxation for me and I’m happy to have any “excuse” to paint!
What can you do today to be a little impulsive in a healthy way? Hit reply to this email and let me know your adventure……
The Live Inspired Now Life Coach Training School is NOW OPEN for registration!!!
YOU can be the influence that changes lives for the better!
With your experience combined with the skills in this training, you will take your own personal growth to a new level, you will learn how to raise/teach emotionally resilient kids, and you’ll be able to apply all these strategies to your daily life!
If you find this content helpful, please share it! Sharing is inspiring!
With love, gratitude, and inspiration,
Heather Paris
www.liveinspirednow.com
Email me: heather@liveinspirednow.com
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!