Do you know a “spoiled rotten kid?” C’mon, we all do… or have at least witnessed one, mid temper tantrum, in the store, crying over the newest candy bar, toy, or cell phone!
Seriously, I think that may be the #1 topic people ask me about…. entitled kids!
I could write for days on the topic but I will try to reel it in with a few simple tips.
Tips to prevent raising entitled kids:
#1 Keep the praise to a minimum to raise a quality kid!
Yes, I did just say that! Stop complimenting everything breath they take. When you over praise, you set your kiddo up to seek external validation rather than learning self pride or appreciation.
Instead of praising, ask your kiddo some questions! Next time lil Johnny brings you his school project, instead of endlessly gushing, ask him how HE feels he did. Ask him what his favorite part of the project was. Or you could ask him what part he is most proud of, or what part he struggled with and how did he overcome the struggle.
#2 Reward with attention, not stuff!
If your kid deserves some praise or a reward, then offer them some quality time! And I’m not talking about the time it takes to go to the store to buy them stuff.
I mean go to the park and play hide and seek to celebrate together. Or go build a fort together. Or play a game, go for a walk, bake a cake, people watch, play mini golf, or even just sit and enjoy an ice cream cone together while talking!
I promise you… they will NEVER remember the toy you bought them when they were 6 but they WILL remember the quality time you spent with them, and how loved they felt.
#3 Say NO once in a while!
Just because you can afford something, doesn’t mean you should buy it. Telling you kiddo NO is a good thing because it teaches them patience and appreciation.
Just because Apple came out with the brand new version of the iPhone, doesn’t mean your kiddo should have it, even if it’s not a financial burden to get it. Remember that old anti-drug slogan from the 80’s? Just say NO!
#4 If you want them to act responsibly, you have to give them responsibility!
Thad and I are always amazed by the amount of responsibility some kids have in 3rd world countries. Kids at 7 years old are out hustling for money… shining shoes, carrying bags… whatever it takes.
It’s terribly sad that some kids are forced too young to hustle for food and resources, but it’s even more sad that some kids sit around and do nothing while being showered with praise and presents.
Give your kiddos some responsibility! All ages, even toddlers can participate in cleaning or picking up, loading things into the dishwasher, and helping out around the house.
If you start them young, they learn to contribute to their family because that’s what family members do. Not because they are getting a reward! Throw out the star sticker chart and start handing out hugs and thank-you’s!
#5 Allowance: Yes or No?
People ask me this a lot too. I don’t believe in giving an allowance, and I’ve never given allowance to my kids. I do however think it’s important to teach them to earn. I have paid my kids to do some things above and beyond their normal responsibilities. BUT… I do not nag, or bribe, I give them an opportunity to learn and earn.
Simply put, I let them know that I have a job available, how much it pays, and if one of them is interested, they can see me about it. I let them know the requirements, and if they do the job, I pay them. Simple.
Some examples have been:
- Cleaning out the car
- Foot rubs
- Packing up books to send out to customers
- Shampooing the dog
- Organizing my bookshelf
- Sweeping the patio
- (My mom used to pay me to pull her grey hairs out. lol. I hope she doesn’t kill me for sharing that!)
- etc….
I also think it’s important to teach them about money… how much to save for short and long term, and what to spend. (But that’s a whole different topic for another day!)
The point…. stop showering your kids with undue praise and rewards.
Instead, give them wings to fly so when the time comes, they leave the nest to do good in the world and eventually return for visits with adorable grand babies! 😉
If you know a parent who is struggling, please forward this to them and offer a kind word. Everyone needs a little inspiration now and then!
Experience has made me wise, coaching has shown me how to share that wisdom.
If you are ready to join the mission to increase emotional intelligence and teach others how to as well, please learn more about the Live Inspired Now Coach Training which is open again for enrollment! Live Inspired Now Coach Training Course
You can use your experience, combined with the skills you learn to give your children an advantage when they go out into the world, you can share what you learn with students, friends, family members, or your community!
Join us and be a gift to the world!
Love and inspiration,
Heather Paris
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Have you ever read the book “Holes?”
In the book, the main character Stanley mentioned that life digging holes was so bad that he would sometimes prod a small rattlesnake to bite him so he could get a couple of days of rest in the tent to recover.
Hmmm…. if sometimes a rattlesnake bite is a GOOD thing, maybe other things that seem bad are just opportunities!
How can you turn a rattlesnake bite into something positive?
- Could a neglectful family member just be a reminder to be closer to your own kids?
- Could a burnt Thanksgiving meal be a great excuse to eat dessert for dinner?
- Could being snowed in be an opportunity to get some things done at home?
( Yes… I am currently snowed in but Thad just messaged me now and said that he found someone to come plow us out in the next few hours! Yay!! )
It’s not naive to look for the silver lining in every situation, it’s astute!
So this week, when stresses can be higher and family can be crankier, consider the rattlesnake bite and find the lesson or blessing in each moment.
Happy Thanksgiving! I wish you soooo much love, inspiration, and happiness this week! 🙂
Love and Inspiration,
Heat
I only use 100% Pure makeup! Check out the “Black Friday” deals…
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Lately it seems most of my clients are parents so I thought I would pass along the wisdom I have shared several times this week!
You are responsible for keeping your kids safe, not comfortable!
We all want our kids to be happy and healthy, and we never want them to suffer. But sometimes we mistake “suffering” for discomfort.
Discomfort is appropriate and healthy. Discomfort creates an environment for kids to learn how to self soothe, take responsibility, and discover their own strengths.
Here are a few tips to creating and allowing an appropriate level of discomfort:
- Allow your kids to complete their own homework, or projects without your input
- Don’t always rush out to their school to bring them what they forgot at home
- Encourage your kids to try new things
- Assign household responsibilities (aka chores)
- Instead of giving your opinion, ask them what THEY think
- Ask for their advice, input, or opinion on family matters (not critical issues)
- Use natural consequences instead of punishments
- Use boundaries instead of discipline
- Stop over praising and start asking them how THEY think they did, look, performed, etc…
Remember when they were toddlers and kept falling down while they were learning to walk? Those falls eventually turned into strength and balance!
Let’s be honest, raising kids is the hardest thing you will ever do! It was hard to watch them fall as toddlers, and it’s hard to watch them struggle as teenagers, But it’s worth it when you know they are prepared for the tough world that’s full of challenges!
There are easy solutions to most parenting challenges, all you have to do is reach out and ask for help! Another quick tip… if you can, ask for help BEFORE it becomes critical!
If you are in Upstate New York, please check out this FREE event:
3 Exceptional Talks at the Family Wellness Event that will change your life:
- Raise your kids GPA! by Special Education Teacher Katie Dennis
- Get your teenagers engaged in a positive passion! by 15 yr old life coach Carrie Deaville
- Fix your damaged or dying relationship! presented by Me!
September 22nd, 5:30 – 7:30pm at NaturTyme
Register, share, and get more info here! Bring a friend too!
You already love your kids, but now you can actually like them too! 😉
Love,
Heather
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Drugs and alcohol are killing our kids. The problem is everywhere, no matter where you look.
WE CAN DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!
Please, I beg you to take action BEFORE you need to because:
PREVENTION IS EASIER THAN INTERVENTION!!!
Here are some additional tips to prevent your kids from trying drugs and alcohol that are not in today’s video:
1 Know your kids friends… it’s your best leverage.
2 Know where your kids are and check in on them.
3 Be sure adults are supervising when they are at friends houses.
4 Don’t keep drugs or alcohol in your home.
5 Don’t create a home environment that your kid needs to “escape” from.
6 Don’t ignore problems! Intervene immediately if your child try’s drugs or alcohol. Do not “excuse” bad behavior!
7 Talk to your kids! Many TV shows portray teenagers drinking, drugging, and having sex constantly and they may think this is “normal.”
8 Create a moral foundation. Your moral foundation doesn’t have to be religious, but let your kids know what your values and expectations are for your family.
9 Keep it real. Volunteer at a place that will allow them to see the damaging effects of drugs and alcohol. Not only will it help them learn compassion, it may serve as a warning of what not to do.
10 Have a really quality relationship with your child so they know it is safe to be honest with you.
Watch today’s short video and learn one of the most important things you can do to prevent your kids from trying drugs and alcohol!
If you need help, please reach out today: Contact Heather
Spread the love and share this with someone who would benefit!
Love,
Heather
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Once when my daughter Madison was an angsty teenager, she said to me “You NEVER let me do anything!”
This ridiculous statement came after she spent an entire weekend with her friends, hanging out at the local apple festival, and having a sleepover! AND, I made homemade pizza, and cookies for the sleepover!!!
REALLY? I NEVER let you do anything???
Kids tend to globalize everything and it’s important that we help them see the true reality of things because otherwise they will begin to see the world as they describe it.
YOU will become the enemy because they “ALWAYS” see you as the bad guy.
Today’s video offers a quick tip to save your relationship from your child’s crazy, hormonal, teenage brain!
Hang in there!
Has your child ever said something like this? Leave your comment below!
Love,
Heather
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!