Starting today, I am going to be posting a column called “Hey Heather!” Please feel free to email your questions to me directly at heather@liveinspirednow.com. I will answer as many as I can and post the very best questions here on the blog, probably once per week. I look forward to helping you by offering my advice! Don’t wait, send your questions now! 🙂 Thank you to “Confused Man With No Kids” for the very first “Hey Heather” question!
“Hey Heather-
Why does my friend’s 19 year old daughter always voice her entire life on facebook?
-Confused Man With No Kids”
Dear Confused-
The short answer: Because she’s 19 and likes attention, and wants to be sure that her feelings are valid.
The long answer: Kids (and some adults) today tend to post so much of their personal drama on facebook because they are seeking validation. Let me give you some examples of posts, and tell you what they really mean!
“I wish this didn’t make me so mad.” = Please ask me why I am so mad, then tell me I have every right to be mad.
“I don’t typically post things like this, but I am going to now……” = I need validation for what I am feeling, and I do NOT want to be called out for posting my business on facebook.
“Looks like I don’t really have any friends.” = My friends all have something cool to do and I feel left out, so I will try to make them feel bad for me so they will feel guilty and will not exclude me again.
“I can’t believe you would post that! I am so offended!” = I think that all things should align with my own ideas and beliefs, and I need you to know that you are wrong and should change immediately.
“I’m in the hospital!” = My real friends will frantically start to message me to see if I am OK. Not only will I feel loved, but this will show me who really cares about me.
Everyone wants to feel validated sometimes. We all (yes, even me) have been guilty of posting something that was purely intended to get attention, or even to passive-aggressively hurt someone. In general, people use more indirect communication, rather than just coming out and saying what they really feel. They feel compelled to make sure someone “cares” enough to comment, or like their post. The problem with this is that we have a culture of young people who don’t feel worthy unless someone has validated them with a “like, a comment, or a share.”
Young people, especially, should be learning self-worth, self-esteem, and self-awareness. They shouldn’t measure their self-worth based on social media acceptance! I believe that we as parents/adults, have a duty to teach our young people to value themselves, to self advocate, and to use their authentic voice no matter who “likes” it! We need to teach them to speak clearly, and directly, and ask for what they need! Of course that would require US, to start doing it too!
So next time you are tempted to post “OMG, my life is pathetic,” just consider phoning a friend (or life coach) instead! Remember, the kids are reading and learning from us. Let’s teach them how to get their needs met by just speaking up, self advocating, and saving the drama for “yo mama!”
Sincerely,
Heather Paris
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Teaching the kids to be responsible and reliable is a big job, but it’s worth it! It is important that they understand how things will work outside of the home. When you don’t do the dishes at home you might be made to do them before you can do something fun, or you might get grounded. If you don’t do what you are expected at your job, you will get written up, put on notice, or even fired. Teach kids to become responsible adults and Live Inspired Now!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Personal responsibility is a lesson that all children need to learn, otherwise, they will have a hard time as an adult. Let’s face it, nobody likes that one guy who blames everyone else for his crappy life instead of taking responsibility for his own choices. The prisons are FULL of men and women that blame, shame, or play games. Teach your kids to be responsible, accept consequences, make better choices and to Live Inspired Now!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
I think sometimes as parents we forget that life truly is magical if we are willing to see the magic. The light glistens off the snow and looks like glitter. A spot opens up in the clouds and you can see the colors of the rainbow. You catch someone smiling at you from across the room and you forget that you were upset. These are all examples of magic but it is up to us to let go of negativity, self deprecation, and to wake up to possibilities! Recongize the magic, and Live Inspired Now!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
You might have participated in team building exercises at work, but what about doing some team building at home? This weekend I had my kids do a fun project together and they loved it! I told the kids that they just inherited an island and they were the new government. Here are the tasks they had to complete:
1 Name the island
2 Design a license plate
3 Design a flag
4 Choose a national bird, and flower
5 Write a national anthem
6 Appoint one another to government offices
7 Create laws
The rules were these:
1 You must ALL participate, and no one may be excluded.
The kids had a great time coming up with jobs and tasks, and they really loved the creativity aspect. They all participated without “taking over” for one another, and allowed input from all members.
Ethan wrote and sang the national anthem. Carrie drew and colored a license plate, Mattie and Harry took senior roles and helped to manage the tasks. They all created the laws together, and even drew a schematic of the island and plan to create a 3 dimensional model. It was a lot of fun and Thad and I enjoyed watching them all work together. We were quite surprised that they created very traditional type laws, as we were expecting “Ice cream for dinner” laws, or perhaps “A pony for every household.”
If you are struggling with children that don’t get along with one another, this might be one exercise that can help create bonds. Encouraging group activity and team building can have a big impact on siblings. Just remember to never use “time together” as a punishment. For example, never make one child play with another as punishment, it shows the child that their sibling is nothing more than a consequence of bad behavior and is sure to make them resentful of one another. Try some fun team/sibling/family building activities and Live Inspired Now!
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Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!