Are you willing to read on to learn how to get your spouse, kids, friends, or clients to say YES more often?
It’s very simple, let me show you how….
From now on, instead of telling, or even asking someone to do something, ask them if they are “willing.”
For example:
“Hey kiddo, are you willing to do the dishes so I can start dinner?”
“Hey Babe, are you willing to take out the trash for me so I don’t get my hair wet in the rain?”
“Hey readers, are you willing to read on…….” (See what I did there with that one? lol)
Commands, or questions that are disguised as commands often don’t work AND they put strain on your relationships.
When you ask someone if they “are willing” then you give them a choice in how they decide to act as a person.
It takes the focus OFF of the task, and puts it on the persons willingness to help and it’s FAR more effective in getting a YES! You might even get an enthusiastic HELL YES!
Are you willing to share this with someone who might be struggling? Just share this page with them!
What are YOUR thoughts on this? Leave your comments below! I LOVE your feedback!
With love, gratitude, and inspiration,
Heather Paris
607-269-7815
www.liveinspirednow.com
Email me: heather@liveinspirednow.com
Follow me on YouTube, Instagram (@heatherparis) and Facebook!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Let me start by saying I hate that I even have to talk about this but the fact is:
- porn is pervasive in our world
- our kids are vulnerable
- it’s exceptionally damaging
- tons of parent’s ask me about it.
So let’s discuss some ways to keep our kids safe!
Yes, even YOUR kid can be exposed to porn. I don’t care what religion you are, how secure your internet is, or how much you’ve “protected” them…. it’s everywhere and no kid is 100% safe.
Thad and I will be doing a brief Facebook live talk on this subject tonight, January 29th, at 9pm so please join us then. My Facebook address: https://www.facebook.com/heatherloveslife
In the meantime, here are a few strategies to protect your babies!
For younger kids:
1 Have “the talk!”
If you don’t talk to your kids about sex, someone else will and it may not align with your own values or beliefs. In addition, they may just get information that is completely inaccurate…. for example: “You can’t get pregnant the first time you do it.”
2 Have “the talk” EARLY!
No age is too young to discuss intimacy and sex. Obviously you need to use age appropriate language and the earlier the better because it makes porn less alluring. You had to talk about peeing and pooping in the potty, don’t clam up about sex!
3 Use appropriate body part names!
It’s a vagina and a penis. Not a hoohaw, peepee, or private parts. Use the real names as they are real body parts just like the nose, arm, and knee. The more evasive you are with your language, the more you unconsciously drive home that their parts are embarrassing and the less likely they are to have open talks with you.
4 Tell kids WHO gets access to their genitals!
Make sure they know that only Mommy and Daddy or the Doctor when Mommy or Daddy are with them, get access to their genitals. Tell them what touching is OK too… wiping after the bathroom, changing diapers, or checking for a rash etc.
For older kids:
1 Everything on the list above if you haven’t done it. Better late than never…
2 Family zone!
Keep computers in the family room. Don’t allow laptops or computers in children’s bedrooms. Kids should be in a public area when using the internet.
3 History tells all!
Check the history on your computer often. I’m no computer whiz but there must be some software that blocks certain sites, or can help monitor what sites are visited on the family computer. Thad handles that stuff in our home but if you don’t have a “Thad” then a quick google search should give you plenty of computer safety options.
4 Sexual feelings are normal, not bad.
Please let your kids know that their sexual urges and desires are totally normal. They are not “bad” for wanting sex, they are human. Never demonize your child. Just discuss with them appropriate ways to deal with their sexual urges. Yes, this is a wicked awkward conversation but open and honest communication is the most effective antidote to destructive decisions.
5 If you catch them, don’t lose your shit.
Seriously, if you pick up your laptop and find they have been searching and or watching porn, put the laptop down, take a few nice deep breaths, and come up with your talking points. Screaming, grounding, ignoring, or punishing your kiddo is a missed learning opportunity. Again, their desires are completely normal and they need to learn that porn is NOT the way to deal with their own biology.
6 Sex can be funny.
A little laughter goes a long way. Not every conversation with your child has to be a lecture, or deadly serious. Over-dramatizing a situation is a great way to make it even more attractive; lighten the mood with a little levity.
7 Allow your kids to do something “bad.”
Letting your kids get away with a few things that they think are “bad” is a great way to help them express themselves in a safer way. For example, let your kid dye their hair pink, or skip a day of school to go shopping with you, or let them have a friend over on a school night. Be sure to pretend that you HATE the idea and that they are “winning” one over on you. Kids need to rebel, it’s part of childhood. Allow them to rebel in safe ways rather than by doing things that are very harmful such as watching porn, or having sex too early.
8 Be the hang out house!
You get to be the cool mom or dad that allows everyone to hang out in your house. It’s easier to monitor what your kids are doing if they are at your home. You can’t watch them at their friends house and their friends may have a laptop and web cam in their locked bedroom. Yikes!
We offer more tips HERE on you youtube: https://youtu.be/gjQWiAtmslo
Be sure to tune in and feel free to message me with specific questions that you have before we go live. I’ll try to answer all questions (anonymously of course.)
There are no guarantees that you can completely protect your children at all times, but you can increase your odds by being proactive and active when it comes to their safety.
Watch the youtube video and get more tips at: https://youtu.be/gjQWiAtmslo
Please share this message if you know someone that may benefit. Thanks!
What are YOUR thoughts on this? Comment below!
With love, gratitude, and inspiration,
Heather Paris
607-269-7815
www.liveinspirednow.com
Email me: heather@liveinspirednow.com
Follow me on YouTube, Instagram (@heatherparis) and Facebook!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
I get this question often, “When should I speak up, and when should I just mind my own business?”
In fact, I often wonder that myself. As a coach, I’m almost always ready to jump in to help but is it always my business to do so?
I’ve discovered a sure fire way to know 100% of the time when you should speak up versus butting out….
Just ask!
I have adult children, so the opportunity to impart my own wisdom comes up often when I see my child struggling but I’ve learned that offering unsolicited advice is the best way to get someone to ignore it!
So now, I just ask if they want my help/advice/opinion.
If they say yes, then I give them my input.
If they say no, I leave it alone but let them know they are welcome to come to me if they need me.
During a conversation with my friend Carol (who inspired this post) she told me that someone once said to her, “You can listen to me with your head or your heart.”
I think that is a brilliant statement and I’ve tweaked it a little to use when you have to deliver UNsolicited advice because let’s face it, sometimes we just have to intervene:
“You can listen to me with your ego or your heart, but please know that I am giving my opinion because I care about you and wish the best for you.”
Your unsolicited advice will be more well received if you make your intentions clear in the beginning.
I can’t tell you how many kids believe their parents give advice to make their lives miserable and not because they actually care. Let them know you care!
Remember, the best advice is advice that is welcomed! 🙂
If you find this content helpful, please share it! Sharing is inspiring!
Have a super week! Don’t forget to register for the upcoming 1 day relationship retreat at beautiful del Lago Resort and Casino in Waterloo, NY!
“7 Principles For Making Marriage Work” at del Lago Resort and Casino in Waterloo, New York!!
We only have space for 3 more couples so if you are interested, act NOW!! Get more info here!!! Or hit reply to this email!
With love, gratitude, and inspiration,
Heather Paris
www.liveinspirednow.com
Email me: heather@liveinspirednow.com
Coaching is a holistic alternative to therapy. It’s fast, affordable, and highly effective! Just hit reply to this email if you’d like to know how coaching could help you or your family!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
My son Harry told his friends….
“My Mom is a crazy bitch!”
…and it was the best lie he told!!
This may sound crazy, but it’s VITALLY important that you teach your kids to lie!
I know, I know! We teach them to tell the truth but in some cases, lying is better!
Listen, peer pressure is intense and kids need a way to handle it and lying to their friends can be an extremely effective way to get out of a difficult situation.
Come up with several great “lies” WITH your kids that they can use to help get them out of risky situations.
Here are a few examples:
- “No man, I’m not doing that, my mom is a crazy bitch and will kill my ass!”
- “Nahhh, I’m already high/drunk, I don’t want any more!”
- “I’m actually allergic to alcohol, I could die if I drink it. I can’t even take cough medicine.”
- “My dad texted, he’s picking me up early because I didn’t do my stupid chores!”
Peer pressure is incredibly powerful. Our kids need to know how to handle these difficult social situations and these little lies could save them in many ways!
Be sure to tell them that after they lie their way out of danger, they must call or text you immediately to get picked up from where they are!
Also, be sure to remind them that they will never get in any trouble for these types of lies and for being responsible enough to make a better choice than their friends!
Parenting is hard. NOT parenting is much harder… on you, on the kid, and on society! If you need help, please reach out to me today! DO NOT WAIT! Prevention is easier than intervention!!!
With love, gratitude, and inspiration,
Heather Paris
Email me: heather@liveinspirednow.com
Does your child have a “guardian angel?” Check out my latest book with beautiful illustrations done by MY guardian angel: “I Have A Guardian Angel” Order now to get it before Christmas!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Have you seen the “Me too” posts going around on social media? It’s a post designed to bring awareness to the prevalence of sexual abuse. Anyone who’s status says “Me too” is indicating that they have been the victim of sexual abuse or harassment. And sadly, these posts are popping up by the thousands!
I have worked with young people, male and female, that have been victimized sexually and it’s nearly impossible to heal from such acts, and many don’t.
You can never guarantee 100% that you’ll prevent your own children from falling victim to this type of heinous act, but there are definitely things you can do that will give you the best possible odds for preventing such a tragedy.
Please read and share these tips with your friends because knowledge is only power when it’s applied and shared!
Tips to prevent your child from being sexually abused:
1 Focus on the relationship you have with your child MORE than your expectations of your child. In other words, your relationship comes first even if they get bad grades, disappoint you, make a bad choice, or are misbehaving!
2 Call body parts by their proper names! It’s a penis, breasts, and a vagina, not a wee wee, pee pee, ding dong, boobies, or a hoo haw. These are body parts, call them by name because the more secretive you make them, the more you program your child to believe they are “unspeakable.” You WANT them to be able to talk about their body parts and understand fully who is allowed to touch them, see them, and talk about them…. mommy, daddy, or the doctor when mommy and daddy are in the room!
3 Choose babysitters VERY carefully. Bear in mind that 7 out of 10 sexual assaults happen by someone they victim knows…. usually a relative.
4 Have a plan in case your child get’s lost in the store. I used to tell my kids that if they ever got lost, find a woman and ask for help… never a man. Yes, I know that seems sexist. I don’t care. The facts are clear and most sexual predators are men, not women. I also used to put a small laminated card under the sole of their shoe with their phone number and address on it in case they ever needed it and couldn’t remember their info.
5 Don’t force kids to be around adults they don’t like. This one kills me!! If a child is uncomfortable with an adult, there is probably a reason!! Don’t force kids to “be polite” or “he’s your uncle, don’t be rude, just give uncle a kiss!” Gross. Kids should NEVER be made to show affection if they don’t want to, and they should know it’s OK for them to say NO… even to an adult!
6 Talk about secrets with your kids. Let them know that adults don’t get to have secrets with kids unless mommy and daddy are in on it! Abusers always use the “it’s a secret” card so be sure your kids know that secrets are not OK!
7 Make it safe for your child to be open and honest. Encourage them to talk to you by talking to them and being available without distractions! Let them know that no matter what they tell you, they won’t get in trouble! Talk, talk, and talk some more!
8 Know who they are spending time with! Get to know their friends AND their friends parents too. I am a huge fan of having kids over to MY house so I know exactly what’s going on. My kids always knew they could have friends over!
It’s absolutely heart breaking to see all the “Me too” posts on Facebook, let’s do all we can so that our own children never have to say “Me too.”
For MORE on this topic, please be sure to get my book Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness which includes all of my best advice for parenting, and navigating the chaos of life!
Please reach out if you need help. <3
With love, gratitude, and inspiration,
Heather Paris
www.liveinspirednow.com
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!