Loan money to a friend? Yay or Nay??? Watch today’s short video and learn how to say “no” without feeling guilty!!
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Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
“Hey Heather,
Why are all boys in my grade such jerks? I really like XXXXXX and he said he liked me too, but he acts like he doesn’t like me when he is with his friends. I really want to have a boyfriend and I am mature and stuff, but I don’t think boys are.” -8th grader
Dear Mature and stuff,
You are in 8th grade. Nobody in 8th grade is mature enough for a “relationship” and that is a GOOD thing! Look at the adults around you… most of them are not even mature enough for a relationship! Many adults now are struggling, divorcing, cheating, lying, fighting, or living like roommates! This is because they never learned HOW to have a successful relationship! Schools don’t teach people how to communicate without hurting the other person, or how to meet the needs of your partner unconditionally, or even how to work through conflict. In other words, schools do not teach people how to have successful, happy, and healthy romantic relationships.
It is completely natural for you to want a boyfriend, but you my dear are in an excellent position to have something FAR better! Start learning HOW to be successful at relationships now, so you will be ready for a real relationship later! At your age, boys come and go, crushes happen often, and you will fall in love many times. That is part of the excitement of growing up. Just remember, now is not the time to focus on finding “Mr. Right.” It IS the time to giggle, have fun, hang out with BFF’s, take lots of selfies, talk about boys, drool over your favorite singer, dream of mansions and limousines, plan summer fun, spend time with your family, paint your nails, climb a tree, read a good book, watch a scary movie…. and a million other age appropriate fun things! I once read this saying; “High school is where you meet your bridesmaids, not your husband!” I like that a lot!
I hope you will take it upon yourself to become the relationship guru of your age group! There are plenty of books about relationships, (mine included,) there are youtube videos, and there are tons of blogs… all dedicated to teaching people how to have successful relationships. (Read the hundreds of blog posts right here: http://liveinspirednow.com/category/relationships/ ) You are not too young to learn, grow, and share your knowledge and someday, many years from now, some awesome guy will be grateful to be your boyfriend! Don’t miss out on him because you settled too soon for a “jerk.” Step into your own greatness, appreciate who you are right now, observe good and bad relationships, learn all you can, and Live Inspired Now!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
“Hey Heather,
My parents and friends don’t like my boyfriend. They supported me when we broke up but I wish they could be equally supportive now that we are back together. He really is a great guy and it was my fault that we broke up; but, my friends blame him for cheating when he actually didn’t. I was really pissed that he was talking to this one girl I can’t stand. He was not cheating at all, but my friends and parents won’t believe me now. How can I convince them that he is the man I love and that they need to be supportive because he is the man I am going to be with?” -Young, in love, and unsupported
Dear Young, in love, and unsupported, Oops… I meant to say: Dear Liar,
I hear this often from people who are addicted to drama. They spend their entire relationship “relating” their business to anyone who will listen rather than focusing on giving to their partner and building a loving relationship. Your friends and family are not light switches. They cannot turn their “like” on and off. You lied so well about your boyfriend that you convinced everyone he was bad. Now you are feeling “unsupported” because they won’t buy into the new version of your story? How supported do you think this poor guy feels? He is dating a girl who talks badly about him, accuses him of doing things he hasn’t done, and then expects to control the feelings of others with her lies. My dear, you don’t need support, you need to stop lying and creating drama! If he is such a great guy, people will see that. But you best beware… if he is such a great guy, HE will also see who YOU are. Never lie about your relationship to “get people on your side” because lies always have a way of coming around to bite you. If you really want this relationship to have a prayer, start by fessing up to your lies, cut the drama, and start focusing on being a good girlfriend. BE the type of person you would want to be in a relationship with, and stop trying to control other people.
Sorry to be so harsh my dear, but I guarantee if you follow my advice, you will see ALL of your relationships start to improve! You are worthy of love and happiness, but you will never find it in deception. Open your heart and be vulnerable, and trust people to love you for who you are, without trying to manipulate or control them, and Live Inspired Now!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
“Hey Heather,
I am a hot mess! I am separated from my 3rd husband and ready to move on. I am tired of moving on with the wrong people. I find myself with people just for the ‘comfort’ but they are unhealthy, and I know they are not for me. In relationships, I feel like I am often either the doormat or a major bitch! I don’t want to get hurt again, but I also don’t want to hurt another person. I am just starting to enjoy being alone for the first time since I was a teenager. Is this normal? I’m too old to keep making dead-end mistakes that leave me heartbroken. Any advice or suggestions?” -Hot Mess
Dear Hot Mess,
Welcome to the “hot mess club!” It’s actually a really beneficial place to be because now you have learned all the lessons, and gone through the hard part!! Time to move past the hurt and start to really experience all the love, joy, and happiness that life has to offer!! You can start this journey by doing some “self-awareness” work. Time to ditch the people who are holding you back or hurting you in any way! YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY! Sounds like you have already started to create some boundaries with the unhealthy people in your life, good job! Feel free to delete, block, or ignore the rest of them! I went through this too. I had to “upgrade” the people I let be in my life. Self empowerment: just do it! Do things that might be a little scary but will get you out of that “comfort” that you mentioned. Comfort is for couches, not personal growth! Get out there and start meeting new people, trying new things, and take courses that will teach you more about yourself. You have been a mom and a wife for so long that you forgot that you are also a woman with your own dreams too! It is time to start doing things that YOU LOVE, that will excite you and help you remember to laugh and be happy! Sounds like you are a very strong lady, let that strength continue to help you grow and learn so you can go out and grab life by the balls! I was a hot mess for a while too! I was married 3 times before I met my current husband. I did it. So can you!!!! You just have to be willing to take a few steps to improve your life!
Here are a few small steps:
Read self-help books (I hope you will start with mine, you will like the stories! Live Inspired Now: A Field Guide For Happiness)
Put notes all over your house with positive messages on them!
Ditch, delete, and disregard Debbie Downers, then DISCOVER new, more positive people! (maybe look for a positive meetup group in your area at meetup.com )
Exercise a little each day…. even if it’s just a short walk.
Crank up some fun music and dance, sway, or move in some way….. smile, laugh, and enjoy it!
Put on some comedy! Do whatever makes you laugh!
Spend a few minutes each day in gratitude for all that you are. You woke up today…. that alone is enough to be grateful for!
Turn off the news. There will always be bad in the world, but there will also be good. Focus on the GOOD!
Just try these few things and notice how your life turns around! Life is what WE make it… so go make your life awesome! Instead of a “hot mess” just be hot…. red-hot, on fire for life! Your life, your rules my dear! Live Inspired NOW!!!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
“Hey Heather-
My daughter is very sensitive. It’s such a scary world, and I can see why she gets overwhelmed. I have encouraged her to cry, talk about her feelings, and even make her sit with me each day after school to allow her to let go of all the negative emotions. She loves this time together but it seems like she never gets relief from it. Any suggestions?”
-Mom to very sensitive 12-year-old
Dear Mom,
It sounds like you might be helping her a little too much. It is great that you are there for your daughter, but it sounds like she is getting more enjoyment from all the attention over being sensitive. I don’t know the language you are using with her, but be very matter of fact when you speak with her about her feelings. Parents sometimes “lead” the conversation and talk the kids into feeling a certain way. For example: if you daughter says someone called her a name, don’t say “oh that must have made you feel so bad,” or “I am so sorry that happened to you, that is despicable and you should not have to tolerate such behavior!” This only tells her that she SHOULD feel badly, when she may have only felt irritated but moved on from it.
Instead, just ask her how SHE felt. If she says “hurt,” then hug her and let her know it’s OK to feel hurt, and it’s OK to move past it too! Also remind her, that other people may have opinions about her, but that doesn’t make them true.
Here is an antidote I like to use with my own kids and my clients:
Are you green? Is your skin color green? No, there is no debating that, so you don’t have to be offended. In fact, it’s rather funny if someone called you green because it makes no sense. Why then would it bother you if someone called you “dumb?” Are you dumb? NO! So you can laugh at that funny statement too!
Mom, stop focusing so much on the negative emotions she is feeling and start asking her “what’s good?” Turn her focus to the positive things that happen each day, let her express feelings then move on, and use matter of fact language without putting your own emotion into it. Go spend some time with your daughter having some fun and laughing…. and Live Inspired Now!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!