Dear Young Ladies,
Do you know what it means to “jump the gun”? This saying refers to a runner who starts the race before the starting gun fires. The runner is then dis-qualified and kicked out of the race for starting too early.
Would you take an opportunity to “jump the gun?”
What if someone offered you Christmas early? Would you take it? Say I could offer you Christmas today, months and months before anyone else. You would get great presents, yummy food, special attention, but you would be the only one. Then, when Christmas comes around for real, you would get nothing, and would not be able to participate. You would have to watch as others enjoyed the holiday together, without you. Would you take that if it were offered to you?
Ladies, we are often temped to engage in things too early. In fact, many of you will contemplate “jumping the gun” in your relationships. Many girls do this because it feels good to be “wanted” or “needed.” However, the truth is, that when you get too involved when you are too young, you risk jumping the gun on something that would be far more special if you waited to share it.
Having intimate relationships when you are in your early teens might get you attention now, but you will lose out in the long run. The attention you get now from a 13 year old boy will NEVER compare to that of a loving, committed man when you are older. Please don’t trade tomorrow’s happiness for today’s comfort.
You do NOT need a boyfriend to prove that you are worthy. You do NOT need someone to like you in order to like yourself. You do NOT need “likes” on your facebook selfie to prove you are pretty. You do NOT need to show your body to get attention. You are loving, caring, worthy, beautiful, smart, talented, funny, and impressive young ladies and you deserve the best… just because you are YOU! No matter what grades you get, no matter how many friends you have, no matter how many tweets get shared, no matter where you live, no matter what you look like, no matter your size… no matter what…. YOU MATTER!
So my dear young ladies, your time will come; don’t jump the gun. It is absolutely OK to like boys, to talk about boys, and to have age appropriate relationships. But avoid getting into sexual or intimate relationships too early. Wait and be excited about what’s to come when you get older, enjoy the milestones of your youth, make lasting friendships and Live Inspired Now.
PS: If you need help, please message me today! You can find me on facebook as Inspired Heather Paris, or you can email me at: heather@liveinspirednow.com. Even if you have “jumped the gun” in some area of your life, you can recreate your innocence. You are not broken, messed up, or damaged. Contact me for help and start thinking more highly of yourself… because YOU matter!
PPS: Parents, if you are concerned about your daughter, please reach out. I help young people learn self worth, self confidence, and self love. Don’t wait until it’s too late, get help now if your child is in crisis.
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
I spent years listening to the opinions and unsolicited advice of others about how to parent my children and I thought I would address some of these things here. Now, I never said anything in the past, maybe I should have, but I am saying it now in an effort to help other parents. Parents who listen to the barrage of opinions, advice, criticism, and judgements of others. Parents who quietly go about their business without ever saying anything yet feel hurt inside. Parents, like I was, who need encouragement and support, not fear and manipulation… from anyone!
Here are some of the things I endured from others. Does any of this sound familiar?
What is it about pregnancy that makes people crazy? Everyone seems to have an opinion on how to harm or kill your own baby. I was told not to put my arms up over my head or I would cause the umbilical cord to wrap around the baby’s neck. I was told what to eat, what not to eat, how to sleep, walk, and even work. My favorite by far though was the constant advice on how to feed my baby once she was born. I had half the population telling me that I was irresponsible and not giving my baby the best chances in life if I didn’t breast feed. Whilst the other half of the population, mostly family, telling me that breastfeeding was disgusting and an embarrassment. How was I to succeed?
The next hurdle came when I was to have a son. I do not believe in circumcision and so the obvious choice for me was not to have my child circumcised. This was clearly the worst offense I ever committed as a parent. I was berated, insulted, and even yelled at. Someone close to me actually told me that “one day your son will come to you as a teenager and tell you that he hates you for what you have done.” Wow, just wow.
Madison, my first child, was a bit of a wild one! She was fearless, spontaneous, and very strong willed. She was a handful and often I was told by friends and family to “hit her.” I was told that my discipline style was not severe enough and that she was sure to turn out like an uncontrollable monster who would most likely be “knocked up” by 16, if I didn’t “spank her ass.” Regrettably, once I did actually try spanking her little bottom which left me in tears, while thankfully, Madison was completely unscathed and unaffected by my attempt. I was told that clearly, I didn’t hit her hard enough. I never tried again.
I was also a terrible parent for teaching my children about “choices.” I used to use the phrases “that was not a good choice” or “it’s your choice, but there are consequences,” as opposed to “your bad!” To the “choice” comments, I was told that kids don’t have choices, it was up to ME to make their choices, and I was giving them too much control, and my approach was “stupid.”
I also made it safe for my kids to talk to me… about ANYTHING. So while their friends were sometimes engaging in really risky behavior, our house was the safe zone. Our house was the place where kids could come and speak with “another Mother” (me) who would help and encourage without the judgement and ridicule. For the safe haven I offered, I often had a target on my back. Not many people, especially friends and family, want to offer you praise or thanks for doing the job they couldn’t.
I am here to tell you my children have turned out wonderfully. Now, not all of them are full grown and out of the house yet, so I supposed they could still hate me someday, but I am going to go ahead and take a chance to say that they have turned out awesome! Madison is 19, in the Air Force, and happy. I am happy to say she wasn’t “knocked up” at 16, nor did she sprout horns and become a demon. Harry is happy, successful, creative, and he likes me. Carrie seems to make really good “choices,” and is a very compassionate child. I have applied all of my “horrible parenting techniques” to my step children as well, and they love me too.
So my dear readers, parents, friends, family, and others: Don’t listen to the negative offerings of others. Don’t let someone else scare you into parenting in a way that you don’t agree with. Don’t let the hurtful words of others convince you to do something you think is wrong. Please follow your own hearts, heads, and higher selves. Surround yourself with people who inspire, encourage, and offer support. Believe me when I say that it WILL all work out. Do your best, love your children, never compromise yourself or your kids and Live Inspired Now.
PS: Would you like to learn more about my work with kids, both my own, and the kids I work with? My book ‘Live Inspired Now: A Field Guide For Happiness’ is full of great stories, life lessons, and quick tips about everything from parenting, to relationships, to finding your perfect mate, and more! Get an autographed copy right here on my site! Happy New Year Friends! 🙂
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
If you want love, then love has to come from you! All to often I hear people telling me what they want in their relationship yet they are unwilling to give what they wish for. A young woman told me recently that she wanted a man that would respect her, treat her like a queen, listen to her, and introduce her to his family. A “nice, relationship like you see in the movies, with flowers and passion and stuff” she told me.
My advice to her, as well as to anyone looking for certain things in a relationship was this: Love must always come from you. You will never find someone to really love you if you don’t love yourself. You will never find your “king or queen” where the court jesters hang out. You will never get respect if you don’t respect yourself. You will never have that nice relationship if you settle for attention.
Stop posting half naked pictures of yourself online. Stop swearing and posting negative comments on facebook. Stop hanging out in bars or clubs. Stop falling for superficial flattery. Stop living vicariously through celebrities that have no interest in you at all. Stop making the business of others into your own. Stop flirting with people if you are in a relationship.
Instead try: Posting pictures of yourself doing great things like serving food at a shelter. Post uplifting quotes and complimentary comments on facebook. Hang out with other volunteers, church members, or people in community groups. Make friends and be a good friend; the best relationships evolve from friendships. Admire people who do good in the world. Ignore and avoid negative people. Make someone feel really special. Let your special someone feel like the most important person in your entire world.
Be the type of person you want to be in a relationship with. Be love, show kindness, express gratitude, live with purpose, speak gently, leave the world better than you found it, and Live Inspired Now!
PS: Like this post? Buy the book: Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness! Get your autographed copy now, right here on this site! I can’t wait to hear what you think! 🙂
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Merry Day After Christmas!! Every year I take up a collection of clothes after Christmas that need to be returned because they are not the right size, or someone just didn’t like them. Then, I donate the clothes to a local non-profit that provides business clothes to people who are looking for jobs. Sometimes people just don’t have the right type of clothes required to look professional and, unfortunately, that can prevent them from getting hired at jobs they desperately need.
Isn’t that a better idea than standing in long return lines at the store? Today, go through your piles of goodies and see what you can donate in order to help someone become gainfully employed and Live Inspired Now!
PS: Don’t forget to buy your autographed copy of my book Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness right here on my blog! Thank you!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Fading Stars:
You’re cruising down the thruway trying to get to your business meeting, your sister’s house, your long overdue visit to the in-laws and…
“Whoa! Did you see that guy? He went flying past us at 90 mph!”
“Now here’s this idiot who’s going 55 on a 65!”
“Now he’s speeding up when I’m trying to pass him!”
People these days. Just a couple days ago I was driving with my sister and a man was bicycling in the snow to his destination. Cara commented and said, “Why is this guy bicycling in the snow? He’s crazy, he’s going to get killed!” I’m not sure what compelled me in that moment, but I stopped to think about that and I said, “Maybe he doesn’t own a car.” To which she responded, “Well that’s depressing, now I feel bad.”
There’s so many things I’ve learned since graduating college and joining the real world as they say. Even though when you finally join it, you realize the world was real all along. In the working world it is so effortless to fall into routine, to zone out, to criticize, to say, “Well I just don’t have time for that because I work 40 hours a week, my kids have to be at ballet class and I haven’t baked those cookies for the office holiday party yet.”
We are in this trend of thinking why is this taking so long! You’re wasting my energy to the cashier at Wegmans who’s new and doesn’t know the produce codes. You’re in my way to the old man on the highway who’s terrified of merging. You’re frustrating me slow internet and I need to download my Facebook pictures!
Perhaps our anger comes from something that we all know internally but we sometimes rarely stop to think about. The fact that we only have an allotted time to live on this Earth and none of that time is guaranteed to us. If we stop to truly think about how much time we have left after we subtract out sleeping, eating and working…wow what little time we really have left. Our identities are so important to us but in 150 years the majority of us will be forgotten. A little boy will stumble in the snow to his grandmother’s grave and on his way he’ll read your name and the dates and it will hold no significance to him other than your birth year, which is the earliest one on record for the graveyard.
Perhaps this is why we idolize fame because just like we elect our politicians to represent us in government, we are electing celebrities to represent the whole of our identities. Their lives are the only ones that have a glimpse of a chance of becoming legendary. It baffles me that after 23 years of living on this Earth, I met a roomful of new people last night at the Canandaigua Toastmasters. The world is so vast. We are all like shooting stars in the night, one shooting star in a huge expansive galaxy. Only people whose paths we cross will see us shine because our light only lasts for a brief wrinkle in time. If you really think about it, we are only living life for ourselves. The people already gone never knew of our existence, the people of the future will soon forget us and only a tiny portion of the people on Earth know who we are at this moment in time and their identities will wash away with our own.
At the end of your life do you want to say that you spent 562 hours on Facebook competing for the two invisible awards on there? Because really there’s only two relevant hashtags: #mylifeisthebest and #mylifeistheworst. Do you want to live a distracted life in front of a screen and spend money on a bigger house, an expansive nutcracker collection or wrinkle cream that denies our fate? Or do you want to see the Aurora Borealis, do you want to surf in Hawaii, do you want to soak in every beautiful place on this Earth before your starlight fades?
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
