I am dependent upon my husband. I need him. This doesn’t make me weak, it makes me human. We women are so busy raising “strong independent” women that we forget to mention that a strong man makes a wonderful partner! A strong man doesn’t make a woman weak, it makes it possible for her to lean on him when she doesn’t want to be strong. It makes it possible for her to fully express her femininity. We need to remind our daughters to embrace all that is good and strong in our partner, and not to beat them into submission. Steam-rolling a man is not the way to have a healthy, happy relationship, eventually, you lose respect for the man you wanted to control.
I see this all the time. The woman falls in love with the man who gives her everything, does what she wants, caters to her every whim, and always agrees with all that says…. then she gets bored. That is not a partner, it’s a suck up, and “suck ups” may make you feel good for a while, but flattery is not enough in a relationship! We only grow when we are challenged. We like ourselves more when we earn respect. We become strong when we make ourselves vulnerable to other people. We teach our daughters love by loving their fathers. We teach our daughters self-love, by loving ourselves. We teach our daughters strength by accepting help when we need it. And we teach our daughters peace when we show them how to let go.
Yes, I am dependent up on my husband, but he also depends upon me. Our relationship is INTER-dependent and yours can be too (read my book) if you stop trying to prove your own strength, and find the strength in your relationship! Let your partner know that you appreciate them, allow yourself to be vulnerable, find the strength in YOUR relationship, and Live Inspired Now!
PS: If you are a step parent, sign up now for my upcoming Beyond The Brady Bunch course… you don’t want to miss it!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
It’s painless to be plastic, but it’s lonely. You can’t get hurt because everything you are is fake; not real, not soft, and without depth. You don’t have to feel hurt by other people because if they don’t like you, they aren’t disliking the “real” version of you anyway, they have no idea who you really are. Plastic people can put on the version of themselves that suits their circumstances, and then change just as easily to adapt to new situations. The biggest problem with this is, they feel very much alone. As if nobody knows who they are, like nobody cares about them. And usually, they completely forget who they actually are, and they end up disliking themselves as well.
Today, try being vulnerable, honest, open, and real. Tell someone what you really think. Say what you really feel. Do what you really want to do. Yes, it is true that some people will NOT like you, in fact, they may even hate your smelly guts. Guess what? That is perfectly OK! You don’t have to be everything to everyone. You don’t have to always know what to say. You don’t have to be perfect. I am saying this to myself, as much as to you my dear reader. I too have been guilty of trying to be perfect, and trying to win approval of those that decided they didn’t like me for whatever reason. I have gone along with things I didn’t agree with just to fit in, and I have bitten my tongue far too many times instead of speaking up. I have been there, and chipping the plastic exterior off was the best thing I ever did!
Find your voice again, step up, stand out, and stop trying to be everything to all people. You are perfect just the way you are, the authentic version of you, without the plastic. You don’t need to be validated to be valid! Live in alignment with your soul, live with passion, and Live Inspired Now!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Trust is a beautiful thing. It provides a refuge of safety and security to any relationship. It makes a person feel important, loved, cherished, and protected. But once that trust is gone, a person is left feeling scared, vulnerable, heart broken, and they start building walls to keep people out. As the walls grow higher with each betrayal, one can become completely closed off from the people they once loved so much. Trust is difficult to regain. It can be done, but not without a full commitment to the following 4 principles.
The 4 Principles to Re-Building Trust:
1 HONESTY:
Time to get brutally honest folks, Trust will never rebuild itself on the uncertainty of lies or manipulation. It can only be built upon the solid rocks of honesty and whole truth. Not half truths, and “she will never find out about that part,” but the kind of truth that scares the crap out of you. The truth that makes you cry, and makes your heart feel like it’s going to jump right out of your chest; the “omg, I hope nobody ever finds out about this” kind of truth. Be completely honest when your spouse asks you a question too. Don’t try to figure out their motive, or test to see if they already know the answer, just give a fully honest response. You must make a 100% commitment to honesty for trust to follow.
2 RESPONSIBILITY:
You’re not really being honest if you are blaming everyone else for your bad choices. Yes, it might be true that other people played a role, but the only way to rebuild trust is to be fully culpable for your part in the betrayal. You need to accept all consequences like a grown up, without complaint or contempt, and serve your time. Trying to turn things around and place blame on others only proves that you are not really sorry for what you have done. Rather, you are looking for excuses for your behavior to lessen your consequence or to ease your guilty conscience. Never blame the victim of your betrayal for their part, they will never learn to trust you while you are trying to make them feel bad.
3 COMMUNICATION:
There is no such thing as over communicating when you are trying to build trust. The person who was betrayed may want to talk all the time or not at all, be available for them. If your spouse wants to talk about their feelings, then listen. Allow them to have a safe environment to explain what they are going through without trying to fix, correct, change, or reacting aggressively to what they think or feel. Feelings are valid even if they seem irrational. It is not up to you to defend your actions, it is up to you to just be a good listener, and to show that you really care about how they feel. If your spouse does not want to talk, then let them know that you are available, and willing to listen without judgement. Be patient, everyone is different and your spouse may need time before they can articulate how they feel. Don’t try and rush them to it because you are afraid of the silence or afraid to lose them.
4 LEARNING:
Take whatever steps you need to learn how to make better choices in the future. Perhaps you need to see a coach or counselor and get through some deep seeded emotional issues from your past. Or maybe you need to a coach to teach you HOW to have a successful and happy relationship. Whatever it is, you need to learn to be more healthy and to avoid future betrayals. You also need to learn to trust yourself. Life is like a mirror, and your inner being is being reflected back at you all the time. If you don’t like what you see, then you need to do some self evaluation and make some positive changes in your life. There is nothing worse than earning your spouses trust back, only to lose it all over again because you didn’t learn to make better choices for yourself or your family.
If you need help re-establishing trust in your relationship, please message me today. It is not easy, but if you are truly committed and ready to learn better behaviors, it can be done. Take the first step to rebuilding a better relationship, earning trust back, and Live Inspired Now!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Upstate, NY friends, please join me tomorrow for a talk and book signing at Downtown Books and Coffee, 66 Genesee St. in Auburn, NY. I will give a short talk at 1:00pm, then will be signing books, and answering questions. I very much look forward to meeting YOU!
Thank you so much!! See you tomorrow! 🙂
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Are you a slave to your TV programming? What do you think of today’s video? Be sure to watch all the way to the end for the “bloopers.” Please comment below!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!