If you don’t mind casual dating and are NOT looking for a serious relationship, you can stop reading now.
If you are looking for that special someone, or might be in the future, read on…
This is the one question that you need to ask a potential mate before you ever consider going out with them again!
What will you bring to a relationship?
Seriously, it’s about time people started to ask potential mates what they have to offer! Not because you are looking to take from them but because if you are willing to go into a relationship at 100%, you need to know they are willing to do the same!
I could give you a million examples but let me share my own story.
When I was 22, I married my first husband Don. He was an alcoholic and much older than me. I was young and dumb and believed him when he said “Once we get married, I will stop drinking.”
He was kind, and we liked the same things, but those qualities are less and less endearing after you’ve come home drunk for 7 nights in a row.
I never asked him what he had to offer in a relationship because I mistakenly thought we’d build it together. The problem with that thinking is that I was too young and dumb to know how to build anything, and he was too drunk.
Some people think a home is the biggest investment you will ever make, it’s not, your relationship is!
If you don’t invest wisely, you will get burned. If you are willing to put in 100%, why would you take a risk on someone who is only going to put in 20%, it just doesn’t make sense!
Asking someone what they have to offer in a relationship is a smart, decisive question that can scare off anyone who’s not serious, and seem attractive to someone who is willing to play full out!
Here are just a few things to look for when considering your relationship investments:
- Are they financially responsible? I’m not talking about looking for someone rich, I’m talking about someone who has a good head on his shoulders and knows how to handle money.
- Are they emotionally stable? *Secure and confident vs jealous and emotionally unavailable.
- Do they share similar values? *Honesty, loyalty, altruism, family, ambition, monogamy, etc…
- Do they have any addictions, unhealthy habits, or questionable friendships?
- Do they speak kindly, or harshly about past relationships? *Ask “What happened with your last breakup?” If they start with he or she was a B*itch, or A**hole, then run! Or, if they start with “He or she was the best thing that ever happened to me and I can’t move on,” then run! If they are able to take some of the responsibility and speak highly or at least neutral of their EX then they might be emotionally healthy people!
- Where do they want to be in 5 years?
- Are they ambitious or content to stay exactly where they are forever?
- Are they inappropriately attached to their parents? *Do they live at home? Are they a mama’s boy or still a little girl?
- Do they have pets and if so do they take good care of them?
- How is their personal hygiene and their personal space? *If you marry a pig, don’t expect that to change just because you put a ring on it.
Listen, most clients who come in complaining about their spouse tell me that they had the same “bad qualities” when they were dating but they expected them to step up to the occasion of matrimony.
It doesn’t work that way! So, if you are single… don’t be afraid to expect a potential mate to bring something to the game!
And don’t forget, a quality mate will be looking for what YOU bring to the table too! Make sure you have something of quality to offer in a relationship! If not, work on getting healthy before you start looking for your true love!
A quality relationship is the biggest investment you will ever make….. invest wisely!
As always, if you need some help, just contact me!
Experience has made me wise, coaching has shown me how to share that wisdom.
If you are ready to join the mission to raise emotional intelligence and teach others how to as well, please learn more about the Live Inspired Now Coach Training and get your FREE 6 Day Mini Coaching Course:
Live Inspired Now Coach Training Course
You can use your experience, combined with the skills you learn to help your children, students, friends, family members, or your community!
Join us today and share your gift with the world!
Love and inspiration,
Heather Paris
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Single and looking? DON’T look for someone like minded, and DON’T worry about finding someone with common interests!
Yep, I just said that.
Everyone’s so worried about finding someone to do stuff with that they don’t think to look for someone they can just “be” with.
Rather than looking for the like minded person with common interests, focus instead on finding someone who is LIKE-VALUED!
When I first met my husband Thad, I thought he was so handsome, but I also thought he was a jerk!
He was a meat eating country boy who had never walked on fire, and never heard of, or even watched the movie, “The Secret!” (One of my favs!)
I was a vegan, firewalking, hippie freak who had never heard of, let alone played, the game “corn hole.”
Besides physical attraction, what the hell did we see in each other?
Common values.
Although on the outside we appeared to have little in common, we both had a deep desire to have one more relationship… just one more, and it had to be magical!
We both valued learning, growing, and family. We valued honesty, and clean living. We valued excellent communication and friendship. We both valued hard work and ambition. We valued generosity and volunteering.
And it was these values that brought us together, and keep us together.
Sit down and make a list of your values so you can get a clearer picture of the things you want in a soul mate! You may discover that you have been looking for love in all the wrong places!
What would you do for your soul mate? Absolutely anything right?
So once you find him, you will be more than happy to take an interest in the things that interest him and vice verse!
What good is it if he shares your love of cooking but hates to tell the truth?
When Thad and I got together, he eventually stopped eating meat, and I even went hiking and camping! Not because we asked, forced, or required one another to do so, but because we value one another so much that we make an effort to participate in one another’s interests.
And very often, we discover that we enjoy something we didn’t know we liked!
Listen, single people all over the world are doing it wrong! Help them find their soul mate by sharing this article!
As always, if you need some help, just contact me!
Experience has made me wise, coaching has shown me how to share that wisdom.
If you are ready to join the mission to raise emotional intelligence and teach others how to as well, please learn more about the Live Inspired Now Coach Training and get your FREE 6 Day Mini Coaching Course:
Live Inspired Now Coach Training Course
You can use your experience, combined with the skills you learn to help your children, students, friends, family members, or your community!
Join us today and share your gift with the world!
Love and inspiration,
Heather Paris
PS: HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!!! <3
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Years ago, when I was in an unhealthy relationship, I was desperate to find a way to fix it, until I could no longer stand it, then I was desperate to find a way out.
I was so consumed with trying to find a way out and I was so focused on how unhappy I was, that I could never really see any options.
Have you ever felt that lost? I remember sitting in my car with my BFF and just balling my eyes and telling her I just wanted things to be different. I wanted to love, or even would have settled for “liking” my spouse again, but I just didn’t. I felt so trapped, like I was doomed to stay in a state of limbo.
One day, while driving in my car, it all became clear to me. It was like the sun shone directly on me and opened up my soul or something!
And in that moment, for a brief time, I wasn’t consumed with misery and despair, so clarity finally had room to flood in.
It was me… I had been preventing my own growth because I had only been focusing on the problem… and not taking any responsibility for my relationship.
Blaming others, feeling bad, and focusing on my own misery, were the very things holding me back from making a change and fixing my own life! All my excuses seemed to fade away and I realized that I had 3 options to choose from:
- Stay and be miserable.
- Stay and be happy.
- Leave.
Stay and be miserable was what I had been doing and it wasn’t working, so that option was a big fat NO!
Stay and be happy didn’t work either. I’d love to say I was strong enough to “just love” someone who was acting unlovable, but I wasn’t. No matter how much I tried, prayed, meditated, etc… in my heart, I knew that I couldn’t stay. It wasn’t good for me, or for him, and it certainly wasn’t good for the kids.
Leaving was the kindest option and so I left. I felt free. I felt alive again. I felt like I liked myself again. I could breathe. I could remember what made me happy. I could be a better example. I could heal.
I had resisted leaving for a long time because I didn’t know how things would work logistically.
- How would I make it as a single mom?
- How would I pay my bills?
- How would I take care of a big house alone?
The truth was, all these things worked themselves out. It took time, and it was terrifying. But it all worked out. I handled everything that came my way!
Things always work out for the greater good when we focus on truth instead of fear.
I have no regrets. I’ve made tons of mistakes in the past, but I am deeply grateful for every single one of them because it brought me to this moment to share what I have learned.
I am now living and loving every little bit of my life and if someone had told me that back then, I would’ve never believed it!
Stop blaming, making excuses, and focusing on the negative. Take a good hard look at your decisions, actions, behaviors, thoughts, words, and choices and see how YOU are the solution to your problems!
You are not the problem, you are the SOLUTION to the problem!
I hope you will look forward in faith and make the decision to challenge yourself to make the changes you need to love your life again!
I know you can handle it, and I look forward to hearing about your success!
Experience has made me wise, coaching has shown me how to share that wisdom.
If you are ready to turn your life around and teach others how to as well, please learn more about the Live Inspired Now Coach Training which is open again for enrollment! Live Inspired Now Coach Training Course
You can use your experience, combined with the skills you learn to give your children an advantage when they go out into the world, you can share what you learn with students, friends, family members, or your community!
Join us and be a gift to the world!
Love and inspiration,
Heather Paris
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Last week at yoga class (a new thing for me), I felt fat, awkward, and clunky. I could hear that crunchy noise in my knees when I squatted down, I couldn’t go upside down because of vertigo, and was sweating… like seriously sweating!
“Am I the only one here huffing, puffing, and sweating my butt off? Is anyone else struggling as much as I am? Why didn’t I get here earlier so I could get a spot in the back? Am I doing this right?”
While all these thoughts swirled through my head, I remembered something…. “just stay on your mat.”
It was a phrase from the book “Love Warrior,” in which the author found herself at yoga class in the midst of personal crisis. She wrote that she realized all she had to do in that moment was to “stay on her mat.”
I heard those words too! They cut through the mental clutter like a hot knife in butter. They were comforting.
“Just stay on your mat.”
Although I am not going through any personal crisis like the author in the book, those words were so helpful during my moment of insecurity.
No matter how happy, healthy, and emotionally intelligent you are, there will always be those times when you struggle. During the struggle, a mantra is helpful to remind you of your strength.
So I stayed on my mat for the entire class, did my best, and felt good just because I made it through! I go back tonight! lol. It will get easier with time but while it’s a struggle, my only goal will be to stay on my mat. It’s an accomplishment to just be there, I don’t have to become a yoga queen!
You can make it through tough situations too! Just remember to stay on your mat! Whatever the struggle, YOU can handle it but let me know if you need help!
* Maybe your relationship is falling apart?
* Maybe you want to strangle your mouthy teenager?
* Maybe you just need to remember what makes you happy?
I am here. I can’t help with yoga, but these things I CAN help with! 😉 I look forward to hearing from you!
Much love and inspiration,
Heather
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Do you know what it means to get the “itch?” It’s definitely not something gross to scratch, it’s not even something physical. It’s that feeling you get when you are ready for a change.
Personally, every couple of years or so, I get itchy for something new!
Growing up as an Army brat, then a military wife, I became quite used to moving every 2-3 years. I’ve had more than 40 addresses in my 45 years on the planet!
Before I was self aware, that “itch” would present itself in destructive ways. Because I didn’t know that I just needed some change, I would often self sabotage my life or even my relationships and that provided enough drama to suffice for change.
Thank goodness I know much better now and make healthier choices but some people are still trapped in that cycle of meeting their needs for adventure or change in unhealthy ways.
When Thad and I bought our dream home here in New York, we decided that this would be home base… no more moving!
While that is still a little scary to me because I’ve never lived anywhere for more than a few years, I am happy to have a “home base.” But because I know every couple of years I will start to get the itch to move, I’ve found healthy ways to meet that need.
In fact, this weekend, I changed a lot of things! I completely renovated my office, I moved furniture around in the house, and I re-organized!
It may sound small, but to me it was HUGE! Since I’ve decided not to move anymore, moving the furniture and redecorating is a fun way for me to feel the change without uprooting my entire family!
What do YOU do when you feel like you need something different?
Finding healthy ways to fill you needs could save you from self destructive decisions, and can make you feel much happier!
Here are just a few suggestions for meeting your need for change but the sky is the limit! Are you the type of person with a HUGE need for change, or are you happy with small changes? Hopefully some of these will excite you:
- Move your furniture
- Paint a room a new color
- Skydive
- Plan a trip
- Try a new exotic restaurant
- Plan a surprise for your partner
- Play hooky from work and school
- Drive a different way to work
- Volunteer
- Buy hats & scarves and leave them in the park for homeless people
- Plan a ceremony to renew your wedding vows
- Do an art project
- Make a bucket list
- Try a sensory deprivation tank
- Go to the local animal shelter and play with the adoptable animals
- Take a class or workshop
- Read a new book
- Test drive a cool car
Whatever you decide to do, be sure it’s something that’s healthy, empowering, and super fun!
The best thing you will ever do is to become emotionally aware of your needs and learn to meet them in the most positive ways possible!
Have a super happy week!
Much love and inspiration,
Heather
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!