If you have read my book, you know how many times I have been married. Yet, I still very much believe in the sanctity of marriage. With that said, I ALSO believe in marriage education! There is currently no school curriculum that teaches children how to enter into and maintain healthy relationships. If these relationships are not modeled for them at home, how will they learn?
With today’s divorce rate being so high, and single parent households being so common, kids are rarely subjected to healthy and happy marriages or partnerships. I don’t define marriage, I only encourage it to be healthy. Your family definition is your business, but teaching you to be healthy and happy is mine!
Not all marriages are meant to last, and how could they be? Too many people get so caught up in the excitement of the wedding, the drama, the attention, the fun that they forget the excitement will eventually come to an end. Once that happens, if they don’t know how to communicate with their partner, the relationship will suffer. When the music stops, we need to know how to appreciate the silence. Love ebbs and flows, and we need to teach our young people how to weather the storm. Not only that, but we need to teach young people HOW to choose the right person for them. Young people NEED to know: the difference between love and infatuation, how to put one another first above all else, and to be completely vulnerable and honest with one another. Until we teach young people relationship skills, we will continue to have people getting divorced in record numbers.
During one of my recent speaking engagements, a woman, in her 50’s, approached me after my talk. She stated that she was unhappily married to her second husband, and that she often took comfort in the fact that he was 20 years older than her, which meant that he may “die much sooner than me.” She then went on to say “Oh, I know that is awful, but I often think about it.” Here is what I said to her in response: “It isn’t awful to say that, it’s human. But do you want to be the type of human that wishes death for your spouse just so you don’t have to take action? You have the opportunity every day to make changes!” I also mentioned that she wasn’t really doing him any great favors by staying with him and that he might be happier to be alone than to be with a wife who dreams of his death.
This is not uncommon folks. I hear these types of things ALL THE TIME! What I don’t hear a lot of though, is people taking personal responsibility for their own lives, choices, behaviors, and relationships. How much are you really doing to make your relationship work? Have you really considered your potential spouse in the long term? Have you read any books or taken any workshops about healthy relationships? Have you learned how to communicate effectively? And most of all, what steps are you taking to ensure your kids learn these skills?
Learn how to choose the right partner. Learn how to communicate in a manner that gets your point across without hurting your significant other. Learn some simple tools that will teach you how to have a successful relationship. Then, model that behavior for your children. Learn how to create lasting love, and Live Inspired Now!
PS: Please reach out to me today if you need help with your current relationship, or if you would like me to teach you how to pick a better partner going forward. I can give you the tools to make your relationships happy and healthy with the best possible chance of success! I look forward to helping you find true, lasting love! I can also teach you how to teach your children to have healthy relationships despite your current circumstances!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
I spent years listening to the opinions and unsolicited advice of others about how to parent my children and I thought I would address some of these things here. Now, I never said anything in the past, maybe I should have, but I am saying it now in an effort to help other parents. Parents who listen to the barrage of opinions, advice, criticism, and judgements of others. Parents who quietly go about their business without ever saying anything yet feel hurt inside. Parents, like I was, who need encouragement and support, not fear and manipulation… from anyone!
Here are some of the things I endured from others. Does any of this sound familiar?
What is it about pregnancy that makes people crazy? Everyone seems to have an opinion on how to harm or kill your own baby. I was told not to put my arms up over my head or I would cause the umbilical cord to wrap around the baby’s neck. I was told what to eat, what not to eat, how to sleep, walk, and even work. My favorite by far though was the constant advice on how to feed my baby once she was born. I had half the population telling me that I was irresponsible and not giving my baby the best chances in life if I didn’t breast feed. Whilst the other half of the population, mostly family, telling me that breastfeeding was disgusting and an embarrassment. How was I to succeed?
The next hurdle came when I was to have a son. I do not believe in circumcision and so the obvious choice for me was not to have my child circumcised. This was clearly the worst offense I ever committed as a parent. I was berated, insulted, and even yelled at. Someone close to me actually told me that “one day your son will come to you as a teenager and tell you that he hates you for what you have done.” Wow, just wow.
Madison, my first child, was a bit of a wild one! She was fearless, spontaneous, and very strong willed. She was a handful and often I was told by friends and family to “hit her.” I was told that my discipline style was not severe enough and that she was sure to turn out like an uncontrollable monster who would most likely be “knocked up” by 16, if I didn’t “spank her ass.” Regrettably, once I did actually try spanking her little bottom which left me in tears, while thankfully, Madison was completely unscathed and unaffected by my attempt. I was told that clearly, I didn’t hit her hard enough. I never tried again.
I was also a terrible parent for teaching my children about “choices.” I used to use the phrases “that was not a good choice” or “it’s your choice, but there are consequences,” as opposed to “your bad!” To the “choice” comments, I was told that kids don’t have choices, it was up to ME to make their choices, and I was giving them too much control, and my approach was “stupid.”
I also made it safe for my kids to talk to me… about ANYTHING. So while their friends were sometimes engaging in really risky behavior, our house was the safe zone. Our house was the place where kids could come and speak with “another Mother” (me) who would help and encourage without the judgement and ridicule. For the safe haven I offered, I often had a target on my back. Not many people, especially friends and family, want to offer you praise or thanks for doing the job they couldn’t.
I am here to tell you my children have turned out wonderfully. Now, not all of them are full grown and out of the house yet, so I supposed they could still hate me someday, but I am going to go ahead and take a chance to say that they have turned out awesome! Madison is 19, in the Air Force, and happy. I am happy to say she wasn’t “knocked up” at 16, nor did she sprout horns and become a demon. Harry is happy, successful, creative, and he likes me. Carrie seems to make really good “choices,” and is a very compassionate child. I have applied all of my “horrible parenting techniques” to my step children as well, and they love me too.
So my dear readers, parents, friends, family, and others: Don’t listen to the negative offerings of others. Don’t let someone else scare you into parenting in a way that you don’t agree with. Don’t let the hurtful words of others convince you to do something you think is wrong. Please follow your own hearts, heads, and higher selves. Surround yourself with people who inspire, encourage, and offer support. Believe me when I say that it WILL all work out. Do your best, love your children, never compromise yourself or your kids and Live Inspired Now.
PS: Would you like to learn more about my work with kids, both my own, and the kids I work with? My book ‘Live Inspired Now: A Field Guide For Happiness’ is full of great stories, life lessons, and quick tips about everything from parenting, to relationships, to finding your perfect mate, and more! Get an autographed copy right here on my site! Happy New Year Friends! 🙂
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Yes, that is ME…eye patch and all! I think I must have been about 4 or so and I was visiting Santa at the Army base.
Some of my favorite memories growing up are of the simplest things. My favorite Christmas memory was in the early 80’s. Dad had just been stationed back in Germany shortly before Christmas and our household goods had not arrived yet. We were in an apartment in a high rise on the 18th floor and we had no furniture, no toys, nothing but what we had with us on the plane… and it was Christmas time.
I am sure times were tight financially but I certainly had no idea at my young age. My parents went and bought us a plastic bowling set, a couple of board games, and I got my first paint by numbers! They bought a miniature tree that had a stand attached and we decorated with popcorn and aluminum foil balls. My parents put one strand of lights on the little tree which we did not light in honor of the hostages being held in the “Iran Hostage Crisis.” I didn’t know what that meant, but I did know that we were honoring Americans who wouldn’t get to have Christmas with their families.
My parents played games with us and, since we had no furniture, the living room made an awesome bowling alley for our new plastic bowling pins! We didn’t have much, but we had fun and it is one of my fondest memories.
Isn’t it time we stopped creating debt and started creating memories? I promise you that the kids will remember the times you spent with them and appreciate your time more than your gifts. They will also remember any acts of charity you do together and they will likely make that part of their adult life as well.
Less is the new more… give less, feel more. Cry less, laugh more. Complain less, honor more. Buy less, love more. Create your children’s favorite future memories this year and Live Inspired Now!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
This is a picture of the letter I received yesterday from Madison. She is nearly done with basic training and I am so excited to watch her graduate! Madison and I have been writing letters to one another every day since she left for Texas. There is nothing more sweet than receiving a letter from your “little girl” in which she tells you that you are her best friend and that she loves you! The most important thing I ever learned as a parent is that the relationship I have with my child outweighs any accomplishments or milestones that I may wish for them to achieve. (Keep in mind, “best friend” status shouldn’t occur until after they have left home.)
When Madison was in high school, she hated it. It was like pulling teeth just to get her to go to school, never mind doing well while she was there. At one point, one of her teachers called me in to discuss her grades. He insinuated that I was not actively participating in her education because I was not “forcing” her to do her Global History project. I explained that I have provided Madison with every possible resource to be successful in school but it was up to her to actually utilize them and that I was not going to put a gun to her head and try to force her to learn. The teacher smirked at me and retorted, “Some parents are actually invested in their children’s education!” At that moment, I think I could actually feel my blood boil inside my body and I wanted to lash out but I kept my cool and asked him if he had any children of his own. He said he didn’t, then changed his answer to “Well, one on the way.” I then offered him some advice. I merely said, “Some day, I hope you understand that the child is more than the grade. I am fully invested in my child and I love her enough to let her be responsible for her own consequences. That is the real education!”
The next day, this teacher apologized to me. Madison continued to struggle through school until she finally graduated. She was always smart enough to do the work, but like her mother, she didn’t find as much value in the classroom as she did in real world experience. I have no doubt that she will continue to be successful! Oh and what is success in our house? Happiness.
In this letter that Madison sent, the first line says “Mom, I miss you so much, you are my best friend.” I would say that my “investment” in my kid paid off! She is bright, loving, kind, and compassionate and I am very proud of her. Remember: while your children are growing up, the most important thing is to create a bond that will remain once they leave the home. Worry less about what other people think, don’t listen to ignorant comments, hug your babies, and Live Inspired Now!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
