“Hey Heather-
My daughter is very sensitive. It’s such a scary world, and I can see why she gets overwhelmed. I have encouraged her to cry, talk about her feelings, and even make her sit with me each day after school to allow her to let go of all the negative emotions. She loves this time together but it seems like she never gets relief from it. Any suggestions?”
-Mom to very sensitive 12-year-old
Dear Mom,
It sounds like you might be helping her a little too much. It is great that you are there for your daughter, but it sounds like she is getting more enjoyment from all the attention over being sensitive. I don’t know the language you are using with her, but be very matter of fact when you speak with her about her feelings. Parents sometimes “lead” the conversation and talk the kids into feeling a certain way. For example: if you daughter says someone called her a name, don’t say “oh that must have made you feel so bad,” or “I am so sorry that happened to you, that is despicable and you should not have to tolerate such behavior!” This only tells her that she SHOULD feel badly, when she may have only felt irritated but moved on from it.
Instead, just ask her how SHE felt. If she says “hurt,” then hug her and let her know it’s OK to feel hurt, and it’s OK to move past it too! Also remind her, that other people may have opinions about her, but that doesn’t make them true.
Here is an antidote I like to use with my own kids and my clients:
Are you green? Is your skin color green? No, there is no debating that, so you don’t have to be offended. In fact, it’s rather funny if someone called you green because it makes no sense. Why then would it bother you if someone called you “dumb?” Are you dumb? NO! So you can laugh at that funny statement too!
Mom, stop focusing so much on the negative emotions she is feeling and start asking her “what’s good?” Turn her focus to the positive things that happen each day, let her express feelings then move on, and use matter of fact language without putting your own emotion into it. Go spend some time with your daughter having some fun and laughing…. and Live Inspired Now!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Hey Everyone!! Are you part of a family? OF COURSE YOU ARE!! So you will definitely want to check out my upcoming online course called “Beyond The Brady Bunch: Real life solutions for blended families!”
Does any of this sound familiar:
“She puts the kids first and I always feel unsupported.”
“He still caters to his ex wife and it really pisses me off!”
“I really want my step kids to love me and it seems like no matter what I do, they just don’t care about me.”
“I feel like I need to discipline his kids too, but he won’t let me!”
Don’t go through another divorce, learn how to create happiness in the family you have! Register now: http://liveinspirednow.com/happy-youniversity/
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Guess what I realized yesterday? Most people have no clue what they want or what goal they are working towards. I find that this is especially true for families. Most families do not have a family “mission statement,” which can lead to conflict when the time comes to make big family decisions.
Here is an example of my personal family mission statement:
“The mission of our family is to create a nurturing place of ORDER, TRUTH, LOVE, HAPPINESS, and RELAXATION, and to provide opportunities, and support for EACH CHILD to become responsible, independent, caring, generous, compassionate adults. To LOVE one another and to HELP and BELIEVE in each other and to use our resources wisely to BLESS others. The needs of the collective family are always first above the individual, but individual needs are important and will be addressed.“
Thad and I created this mission for our family years ago when we first got married. We wanted the kids to understand what we, as a newly formed family, were all about. It wasn’t just “Thad and Heather are getting married and let’s just see how it all goes.” Instead, it was about joining our families, and raising responsible and happy kids that will confidently go into the world and thrive. The kids will determine their own goals and purposes, but we will ensure that they have the best possible tools for success. We do this by teaching them self esteem, confidence, independence, responsibility, and self advocacy.
We are far from perfect, but it helps everyone in the family to understand what we are all working towards. The kids know that it is our goal to help them become independent, and our greatest wish for them is happiness. Today, try creating a mission statement for your family. Create a statement that really speaks to the specific needs and goals of your family, get everyone involved, display your mission statement prominently, and Live Inspired Now!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
This is a picture of the dry erase board in my kitchen. Each day I write something inspirational or motivational for the kids to start their day with. The kids love it, but it also gives me an opportunity to come up with something really positive too. It really creates a nice positive way to start my day and it sets a nice tone for the rest of the family as well. It’s hard to feel down in the dumps, or gloomy when you start your day looking for something positive to share with the people you love!
So consider mounting a dry erase board in your kitchen and start your days off in a positive way! Incidentally, today’s message about boredom is absolutely true! And with a dry erase board, if your kids get “bored,” then allow them to go find inspirational quotes for you to post in the future! My favorite website for quotes is: www.quotegarden.com. I like to write my own quotes like today’s about boredom, but if I am in a hurry, Quote Garden is an awesome resource!
Start your day off on a positive note, see how it changes your morning moods and Live Inspired Now!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Storms are a natural and normal part of life no matter what climate you live in! The same is true in relationships…. storms are part of life. You can survive the storm if you are properly prepared. Just like making sure you have water, food, and other necessities during a weather storm, you need to know what to do for relationship storms too.
Follow these 4 vital steps to weather your relationship storms:
Awareness: Talk to one another about situations that may cause stress. You may not even realize when you are getting stressed out, so spend some time thinking about it. Maybe the morning rush is the catalyst that causes so many arguments? Or perhaps disagreements about parenting and what type of consequences the children should get? Become fully aware of where and when the storm begins to brew so you can address it.
Action Plan: During stress free times, create an action plan to follow during the storm. Come to an agreement on who has the final say in different scenarios should you come to a stale mate. Perhaps “you” have the final say on parenting consequences, but “I” have the final say on financial decisions. That is not to say that you both don’t have valuable input, it’s just a plan in case you can’t agree. And you will eventually find a situation where you simply cannot agree on what should be done, but you can still agree on a plan that you both created for these types of situations.
Stay The Course: Don’t give up on your plan, you created it for a reason and it will work if you stick to it. After the storm, you can re-visit your action plans and tweak them as needed but during the storm stay on track. Hold on to one another when the boat is rocking especially when the storm is rough! A united crew will save the ship.
Thank Your Crew: You are both “co-captains” of the ship, appreciate and thank one another. Gratitude is the antidote for anger! Celebrate the storm passing by spending time together, loving one another, and deeply appreciating that your relationship is strong enough to weather the storm!
Follow these simply steps to create a relationship that is stronger than any storm and Live Inspired Now!
Buy “Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness” today and get practical inspiration for your happy life!!!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
