Have you made it safe enough for your lover to be completely and totally honest with you? If you have read my book, you know that I believe honesty is a keystone in relationships. There is never an excuse for a partner to lie, or be dishonest, period. However, you also must ensure you are making it safe for your partner to be that open.
I often hear that one spouse doesn’t feel they can be honest because of the storm that will ensue if they are. It’s as if they are partnered with their parent, or their boss, as opposed to a mate, lover, partner, or spouse. I hear that they will lie just because it is “easier” than telling the truth. It is “easier” than being yelled at, ridiculed, belittled, or abused. THIS IS NOT A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP FOLKS!
Be your partners BIGGEST fan! Let them know that they are safe to express whatever they are thinking, feeling, or needing. Create a relationship that offers complete honesty, love, non-judgement, and support for one another and you will create a relationship that cannot be broken. The bond of honesty, trust, and true friendship can withstand any type of chaos!
Make sure your partner knows that it is safe to say things like: “I really don’t want to be around your parents, can we come up with an alternative?” or “I was really mad when you texted me about XYZ. Let’s talk about it because I don’t want to start resenting you.” or “I am feeling disconnected with you and I would like to do something together to get back on track.” or even “So and so flirted with me at work, I ignored it and walked away but wanted you to know so it didn’t seem like I was keeping something from you.” If your partner can express these types of things to you, without feeling afraid of what you will do, you will have a very strong and honest relationship!
An exceptional relationship enjoys honest communication, deep connection, and true acceptance of one another. Today, be sure your partner knows it is safe to be honest. If they don’t, start creating healthier habits in your relationship and Live Inspired Now!
PS: Want more advice on how to be happy, and have an awesome relationship? Buy my book ‘Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness’ today! Or contact me today for coaching and make all of your relationships awesome!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Last week I was at my local grocery store searching for soft tofu for a new recipe. Thad and I searched everywhere but could only find firm tofu. I found a young lady working in that department and asked her where I might find more tofu. She said she didn’t know and walked away. That was it. No trying to help find it, no asking another employee. Nothing. So Thad and I continued to search on our own.
I met another store employee in a different department. “Excuse me sir, there is no soft tofu in the organic department, do you know where else it might be?” I asked. Well the response from this young man was much different! “Oh, hang on, let me go check!” and he ran around to a few different spots looking for my tofu. He returned quickly to state he couldn’t find it, but was now going to check in back and ask a manager, so I waited. When “Johnny” returned, he apologized because he still couldn’t find any but told me of 2 other stores in the area where I might find it. Now that was customer service!
I thanked him and marched straight up to the customer service desk. I asked the girl behind the counter for a customer comment card but like the soft tofu, they were out of those as well. I asked to leave feedback and she kindly wrote it down. I told her about how Johnny in the dairy department had gone out of his way to look for soft tofu and although the store was out, he was extremely helpful and made me feel taken care of. I never mentioned the first girl who did nothing.
In today’s times, we barely get customer service so it’s vital that we appreciate it when it happens! Most stores have turned to computers… Thad and I even ate at a restaurant in which you ordered and paid for everything on an iPad and the server only delivered it to your table. I am sure if they could get conveyor belts, the server would have been gone too! lol. Anyway… take time to recognize great service! A positive comment card could mean a great deal to the employee, maybe a raise, a promotion, and praise from the boss! So please make time to pay a service person a compliment, and Live Inspired Now!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
If you want love, then love has to come from you! All to often I hear people telling me what they want in their relationship yet they are unwilling to give what they wish for. A young woman told me recently that she wanted a man that would respect her, treat her like a queen, listen to her, and introduce her to his family. A “nice, relationship like you see in the movies, with flowers and passion and stuff” she told me.
My advice to her, as well as to anyone looking for certain things in a relationship was this: Love must always come from you. You will never find someone to really love you if you don’t love yourself. You will never find your “king or queen” where the court jesters hang out. You will never get respect if you don’t respect yourself. You will never have that nice relationship if you settle for attention.
Stop posting half naked pictures of yourself online. Stop swearing and posting negative comments on facebook. Stop hanging out in bars or clubs. Stop falling for superficial flattery. Stop living vicariously through celebrities that have no interest in you at all. Stop making the business of others into your own. Stop flirting with people if you are in a relationship.
Instead try: Posting pictures of yourself doing great things like serving food at a shelter. Post uplifting quotes and complimentary comments on facebook. Hang out with other volunteers, church members, or people in community groups. Make friends and be a good friend; the best relationships evolve from friendships. Admire people who do good in the world. Ignore and avoid negative people. Make someone feel really special. Let your special someone feel like the most important person in your entire world.
Be the type of person you want to be in a relationship with. Be love, show kindness, express gratitude, live with purpose, speak gently, leave the world better than you found it, and Live Inspired Now!
PS: Like this post? Buy the book: Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness! Get your autographed copy now, right here on this site! I can’t wait to hear what you think! 🙂
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
What words do you say habitually? What phrases do you repeat over and over? Are these words and phrases creating anything positive or strengthening in your life? Are they teaching your children to be empowered and confident? You can always make a change, you can always practice replacing the negative with positive. Like any habit, it takes time, but you can handle it!
Here are some of the positive things I say often and on a daily basis:
“God bless!” – to the kids before bed.
“What’s good?” – instead of “How are you?”
“I love you!” – not just to family, but to my friends also.
“I’m excited!” – instead of “I’m nervous.”
“I know you can handle it!” – instead of telling people what to do.
Words only have power if you believe them and what you tell yourself or your kids… you believe. So replace the negative and limiting words with more empowering words. Words can make things better, so use them optimally! Create more positive verbal habits, even if it is replacing only one negative phrase with a positive at a time, and Live Inspired Now!
PS: Don’t forget to get my book ‘Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness’ today! It’s autographed, it’s awesome, and it’s going to change your life!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Unexpressed emotions lead to anger. Anger turns to resentment. Resentment kills relationships. People come to me all the time saddled with heavy emotional baggage that they have been carrying around for far too many years. Their relationships are suffering and they feel angry all the time but, don’t really know why. People use anger as a “go to” emotion for a multitude of reasons. Often times, this is because they don’t feel safe expressing sadness; they think it is a weakness. Or, because they don’t want to say something and “rock the boat.”
In order to maintain long term, happy relationships, you must make time to express your true feelings. I would add, that you must allow your partner to feel safe enough to be completely honest. Feelings or emotions that go unresolved will always lead to resentment if you don’t find an outlet to discharge. Talk open and honestly with the people in your life, if you don’t feel safe enough to do that, then perhaps you should re-think the relationship.
For example:
Your spouse makes a rude comment that they thought was funny and not meant to be hurtful.
It hurts your feelings but you say nothing.
The spouse learns (by your silence) that this is an acceptable way to joke and continues.
With every joke you feel more sad, hurt, targeted, isolated, frustrated, until it all turns to anger.
You are re-stimulated and remember ALL the rude comments every person ever made to you.
Your anger becomes overwhelming until you lash out.
A fight ensues (usually with a topic other than the original comment).
This could have been avoided if you expressed that your feelings were hurt by the first rude comment.
For example:
Your spouse makes a rude comment that they thought was funny and not meant to be hurtful.
It hurts your feelings and you express it: “I know you didn’t mean to, but that comment actually hurt my feelings.”
Your spouse gets the opportunity to apologize and make things right.
Expressing your feelings before they turn into anger is the key! You might not always get the response you wish for in exchange for your openness, but you will be able to leave the baggage behind you and know that you didn’t let yourself down by failing to acknowledge your feelings. When you express your feelings, you unconsciously acknowledge and validate yourself as a person of worth.
So today, don’t let emotions go unexpressed. Boost your self worth, strengthen your relationships by saying what you feel, and Live Inspired Now!
PS: There is an entire chapter in my book about discharging emotions and leaving the BS baggage behind! Buy an autographed copy today…. on the right hand side of this page!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
