We are most often the source of our own pain based on the choices that we make. Don’t create pain by living lies! Be honest, give people credit enough to be able to handle the truth, and Live Inspired Now!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
“Hey Heather,
My parents and friends don’t like my boyfriend. They supported me when we broke up but I wish they could be equally supportive now that we are back together. He really is a great guy and it was my fault that we broke up; but, my friends blame him for cheating when he actually didn’t. I was really pissed that he was talking to this one girl I can’t stand. He was not cheating at all, but my friends and parents won’t believe me now. How can I convince them that he is the man I love and that they need to be supportive because he is the man I am going to be with?” -Young, in love, and unsupported
Dear Young, in love, and unsupported, Oops… I meant to say: Dear Liar,
I hear this often from people who are addicted to drama. They spend their entire relationship “relating” their business to anyone who will listen rather than focusing on giving to their partner and building a loving relationship. Your friends and family are not light switches. They cannot turn their “like” on and off. You lied so well about your boyfriend that you convinced everyone he was bad. Now you are feeling “unsupported” because they won’t buy into the new version of your story? How supported do you think this poor guy feels? He is dating a girl who talks badly about him, accuses him of doing things he hasn’t done, and then expects to control the feelings of others with her lies. My dear, you don’t need support, you need to stop lying and creating drama! If he is such a great guy, people will see that. But you best beware… if he is such a great guy, HE will also see who YOU are. Never lie about your relationship to “get people on your side” because lies always have a way of coming around to bite you. If you really want this relationship to have a prayer, start by fessing up to your lies, cut the drama, and start focusing on being a good girlfriend. BE the type of person you would want to be in a relationship with, and stop trying to control other people.
Sorry to be so harsh my dear, but I guarantee if you follow my advice, you will see ALL of your relationships start to improve! You are worthy of love and happiness, but you will never find it in deception. Open your heart and be vulnerable, and trust people to love you for who you are, without trying to manipulate or control them, and Live Inspired Now!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
There is nothing more awesome than your significant other showing enthusiasm for you! Whenever I text Thad and tell him that I am on my way home from somewhere, he always responds with a “Yay!” Such a simple little thing but that “Yay” makes me feel so good! It tells me that he is excited for me to be back home, and that he looks forward to seeing me! ( Don’t worry, I also say “Yay” when he texts me too! )
Does your partner know that you are excited to see them? Do you show your enthusiasm when you know they are returning home? Do you greet them with loving arms, a big hug, or a passionate kiss when they return? This is not reserved for just when they have gone away for long periods either… show some enthusiasm even when they are just coming home from work, or shopping, or from driving kids all over the planet. ( Can you tell I am playing taxi driver lately? ) How will your relationship improve if your partner feels loved, and desired?
One simple word that takes less than a couple of seconds to text or say, and it can make your lover feel completely loved, appreciated, and wanted. Say “YAY.” show your LOVE, enthusiasm, excitement, happiness, and Live Inspired Now! YAY!!!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Check out today’s video and learn how to prevent your romantic relationship from slipping away and Live Inspired Now!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Starting today, I am going to be posting a column called “Hey Heather!” Please feel free to email your questions to me directly at heather@liveinspirednow.com. I will answer as many as I can and post the very best questions here on the blog, probably once per week. I look forward to helping you by offering my advice! Don’t wait, send your questions now! 🙂 Thank you to “Confused Man With No Kids” for the very first “Hey Heather” question!
“Hey Heather-
Why does my friend’s 19 year old daughter always voice her entire life on facebook?
-Confused Man With No Kids”
Dear Confused-
The short answer: Because she’s 19 and likes attention, and wants to be sure that her feelings are valid.
The long answer: Kids (and some adults) today tend to post so much of their personal drama on facebook because they are seeking validation. Let me give you some examples of posts, and tell you what they really mean!
“I wish this didn’t make me so mad.” = Please ask me why I am so mad, then tell me I have every right to be mad.
“I don’t typically post things like this, but I am going to now……” = I need validation for what I am feeling, and I do NOT want to be called out for posting my business on facebook.
“Looks like I don’t really have any friends.” = My friends all have something cool to do and I feel left out, so I will try to make them feel bad for me so they will feel guilty and will not exclude me again.
“I can’t believe you would post that! I am so offended!” = I think that all things should align with my own ideas and beliefs, and I need you to know that you are wrong and should change immediately.
“I’m in the hospital!” = My real friends will frantically start to message me to see if I am OK. Not only will I feel loved, but this will show me who really cares about me.
Everyone wants to feel validated sometimes. We all (yes, even me) have been guilty of posting something that was purely intended to get attention, or even to passive-aggressively hurt someone. In general, people use more indirect communication, rather than just coming out and saying what they really feel. They feel compelled to make sure someone “cares” enough to comment, or like their post. The problem with this is that we have a culture of young people who don’t feel worthy unless someone has validated them with a “like, a comment, or a share.”
Young people, especially, should be learning self-worth, self-esteem, and self-awareness. They shouldn’t measure their self-worth based on social media acceptance! I believe that we as parents/adults, have a duty to teach our young people to value themselves, to self advocate, and to use their authentic voice no matter who “likes” it! We need to teach them to speak clearly, and directly, and ask for what they need! Of course that would require US, to start doing it too!
So next time you are tempted to post “OMG, my life is pathetic,” just consider phoning a friend (or life coach) instead! Remember, the kids are reading and learning from us. Let’s teach them how to get their needs met by just speaking up, self advocating, and saving the drama for “yo mama!”
Sincerely,
Heather Paris
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!