Contempt is the #1 indicator of divorce according to the research of Dr. John Gottman. But what exactly is contempt?
Contempt is the feeling that a person is worthless and it will destroy any relationship!
You might think that people in great relationships never fight, but the truth is, they just fight in a way that doesn’t destroy one another.
Good arguing means to keep the argument about the disagreement rather than going on a personal attack aimed at your spouse.
Attacking another person will never drive your point home, it will only drive it through their heart and slowly kill your relationship!
Contempt shows up as sarcastic comments, extreme bitterness, rejection of the other person, snarky voice tones and feeling resentful. When contempt is present you can feel the room drop to an ice cold, frigid temperature. It’s almost impossible to tolerate and you feel less than zero if it’s directed at you.
If you notice that you are feeling contempt toward your partner, here are a few things to try instead:
- Focus on gratitude- some people are way happier with way less
- Be appreciative and thankful- especially for the little things
- Be a gold miner- recognize the good rather than pointing out the bad
- Brag about your spouse to friends- it might change your own attitude
- Lose the tude- drop the eye rolls, sneering glances, and sarcastic tones
- Try to be playful- when’s the last time you decided to just have some fun
If you notice that you are on the receiving end of contempt, here are a few defenses:
- Explain how you are feelings- “I feel afraid right now.”
- Allow your emotions to show- it’s OK to cry if you feel sad
- Acknowledge your spouses feelings- “I see that you are angry right now, may we work on this together?”
- Express appreciation- “I appreciate how passionate you are about this, let’s find a solution.”
- Take a break- it’s OK to get away from the situation if you feel out of control
- State change- change your partners state of mind by distracting them, or doing something unexpected and pleasant
These are just a few of the things you could do to try and remedy contempt in a relationship but if you are struggling, please reach out! The longer contempt is allowed to flow, the harder it becomes to save the relationship.
And if you know someone that is struggling, please share this with them! You never know who you are inspiring, you might just save a relationship!
Love,
Heather
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Once when my daughter Madison was an angsty teenager, she said to me “You NEVER let me do anything!”
This ridiculous statement came after she spent an entire weekend with her friends, hanging out at the local apple festival, and having a sleepover! AND, I made homemade pizza, and cookies for the sleepover!!!
REALLY? I NEVER let you do anything???
Kids tend to globalize everything and it’s important that we help them see the true reality of things because otherwise they will begin to see the world as they describe it.
YOU will become the enemy because they “ALWAYS” see you as the bad guy.
Today’s video offers a quick tip to save your relationship from your child’s crazy, hormonal, teenage brain!
Hang in there!
Has your child ever said something like this? Leave your comment below!
Love,
Heather
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Have you seen the hashtag #sorrynotsorry (sorry not sorry?) What the hell does that mean? Are you sorry or are you not sorry?
Passive-aggressive communication has become so acceptable these days. Apologizing when you are not really sorry, or repeatedly apologizing just to make yourself feel better is not an apology.
If you say “I’m sorry” all the time, you might be an energy vampire, just sucking the life force from people.
Watch today’s short video in which I will offer something else you can say instead of the overused “I’m sorry” which doesn’t carry much meaning anymore.
Spread the love, and live inspired now!
Love,
Heather
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Have you had “the talk” with your kids yet? If you don’t… someone else will! And you don’t want that someone else to be a boy/girl friend with raging hormones!
I think the conversation about sex and our bodies needs to be started when kids are old enough to learn to speak. As little toddlers we teach them the names of our head, shoulders, knees, and toes, so don’t start referring to the other parts as bum bums and winkys. It’s OK to say the real words.
Penis and vagina are not bad words. However, if we make them “bad words” then kids think they are bad body parts, which leads to bad body image.
Watch today’s short video and let me know what you think about this topic! I look forward to your feedback!
There is an entire chapter in my book “Live Inspired Now” on this topic! If you need more help with parenting healthy and happy kids, please scroll down and check it out at the link below!
Watch it, share it, and live inspired now!
Love,
Heather
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
This week I let my toy poodle Lucy give the advice! You will not believe how smart and insightful she is!
Lucy offers 3 tips to transform EVERY relationship you have!
Watch it, share it, and live inspired now!
Love,
Heather & Lucy
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!