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Years ago, when I was in an unhealthy relationship, I was desperate to find a way to fix it, until I could no longer stand it, then I was desperate to find a way out.
I was so consumed with trying to find a way out and I was so focused on how unhappy I was, that I could never really see any options.
Have you ever felt that lost? I remember sitting in my car with my BFF and just balling my eyes and telling her I just wanted things to be different. I wanted to love, or even would have settled for “liking” my spouse again, but I just didn’t. I felt so trapped, like I was doomed to stay in a state of limbo.
One day, while driving in my car, it all became clear to me. It was like the sun shone directly on me and opened up my soul or something!
And in that moment, for a brief time, I wasn’t consumed with misery and despair, so clarity finally had room to flood in.
It was me… I had been preventing my own growth because I had only been focusing on the problem… and not taking any responsibility for my relationship.
Blaming others, feeling bad, and focusing on my own misery, were the very things holding me back from making a change and fixing my own life! All my excuses seemed to fade away and I realized that I had 3 options to choose from:
- Stay and be miserable.
- Stay and be happy.
- Leave.
Stay and be miserable was what I had been doing and it wasn’t working, so that option was a big fat NO!
Stay and be happy didn’t work either. I’d love to say I was strong enough to “just love” someone who was acting unlovable, but I wasn’t. No matter how much I tried, prayed, meditated, etc… in my heart, I knew that I couldn’t stay. It wasn’t good for me, or for him, and it certainly wasn’t good for the kids.
Leaving was the kindest option and so I left. I felt free. I felt alive again. I felt like I liked myself again. I could breathe. I could remember what made me happy. I could be a better example. I could heal.
I had resisted leaving for a long time because I didn’t know how things would work logistically.
- How would I make it as a single mom?
- How would I pay my bills?
- How would I take care of a big house alone?
The truth was, all these things worked themselves out. It took time, and it was terrifying. But it all worked out. I handled everything that came my way!
Things always work out for the greater good when we focus on truth instead of fear.
I have no regrets. I’ve made tons of mistakes in the past, but I am deeply grateful for every single one of them because it brought me to this moment to share what I have learned.
I am now living and loving every little bit of my life and if someone had told me that back then, I would’ve never believed it!
Stop blaming, making excuses, and focusing on the negative. Take a good hard look at your decisions, actions, behaviors, thoughts, words, and choices and see how YOU are the solution to your problems!
You are not the problem, you are the SOLUTION to the problem!
I hope you will look forward in faith and make the decision to challenge yourself to make the changes you need to love your life again!
I know you can handle it, and I look forward to hearing about your success!
Experience has made me wise, coaching has shown me how to share that wisdom.
If you are ready to turn your life around and teach others how to as well, please learn more about the Live Inspired Now Coach Training which is open again for enrollment! Live Inspired Now Coach Training Course
You can use your experience, combined with the skills you learn to give your children an advantage when they go out into the world, you can share what you learn with students, friends, family members, or your community!
Join us and be a gift to the world!
Love and inspiration,
Heather Paris
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Thad wins in my house for giving the BEST gifts ever! I try really hard to compete, but most often fall short of his amazingness in gift giving! 🙂
With that in mind, I was thinking that maybe some of his ideas from the past would be great gift suggestions for YOU! Plus, I am going to throw in some of my suggestions as well!
So here you go, mine and Thad’s super spectacular, wow them to tears, gift giving ideas:
- Box of date nights: Thad bought a shoe box sized plastic bin and filled it with date night tickets that he printed himself. There were enough to pick one date night ticket per week for an entire year and each ticket had a super fun date night activity. Some were obvious like dinner and a movie, but other activities were things like paper airplane competition, test drive a car, and cook a meal together. Be creative!!
- The never ending Christmas: One year, my only Christmas wish was to not have Christmas end. Thad filled a large mason jar with love notes and put just one note in that said “You can open your last Christmas present.” I couldn’t open that last present until I found that one note and each day I got to open a note with a sweet, lovey message until I found the open your last gift. I left one of the Christmas trees up all year with that last present under it until I found the note. This was by far my favorite gift ever!!!
- Put it in a book: Before I decided to publish my latest book “I Have a Guardian Angel” Thad had it printed and made into a book for me at a Kodak kiosk. You can take any pictures, love notes, or anything you can imagine and have them turned into a lovely keepsake book!
- Something to look forward to: Buy tickets for several shows, plays, or events throughout the year so you have something to look forward to doing together!
- Cook and serve a romantic meal at home: One year we couldn’t go out because we had no babysitter, so I set up a table and chairs in our bedroom and I served Thad a romantic candle lit meal. With the door locked and music on, it was like we were out of the house on a romantic date!
- Gift card fun: Thad once gave me a bunch of gift cards (for small amounts) so we could go shopping together! I used them throughout the year here and there and Thad helped me pick stuff out! Be sure to add a note that says you get to have fun spending them together! (My cards were for Starbucks, Victoria Secrets, Target, and a few others!)
- Build something: We’ve done a lot of building stuff. One year I took wooden crates (bought at the craft store) turned them sideways, added a shelf, put wheels on the bottom and painted them. I also painted the kids names on top and they were adorable little side tables! I added a flat Lego piece to the top of one for our son Ethan so he could build Lego worlds on top!
- Make something: One year I created a cookbook for my daughter who was going to school for culinary arts. I decorated a 3 ring binder and added all of her favorite recipes that I cook, as well as some family recipes too!
- Free wifi: This year my dad just got his first computer… an iPad. He’s learning how to use it but my parents didn’t have wifi so I got my dad some accessories including ear buds for his iPad and several Dunkin Donuts gift cards. He loves Dunkin Donuts and they are close to his house so I thought he could go there and buy a coffee and use their wifi while he practiced “inter-netting.” (Mom ended up getting wifi so now Dad will just have lots of free coffee. lol)
- Money Money Money: My mom loves to give money and gift cards to the kids. One year, she taped 50 one dollar bills together and rolled them up. She cut a slit in a toilet paper tube and wrapped it up with the dollars inside so they could be pulled out of the slit like a money dispenser! Our son had fun pulling the money out and counting all the dollars!
- Hidden treasures: My daughter Carrie loves to hide surprises for me to find! Wrap up a note that says “Your present is hidden in your office or room” and let the fun begin! Carrie always hides “1 free foot rub” coupons in my office! How lucky am I???
- Remember when: Thad helped me remember an amazing time in Hawaii when he built me a serving tray and “tiled” it with black rocks like the rocks on the beach in Hawaii. Then he took white rocks and spelled out Thather, just like we had done, and he glued them over the black rocks. It was just like being back on the beach!
There are SOOOOOO many great ways to give gifts that don’t cost much but will be treasured forever! For those of you who would like to buy some things though, here are a few of my favorites:
- For the baker: Rolling pin embossed with cats for super cool cookies!
- For the overworked parents: An angel statue that reminds us that we ALL need rest sometimes
- For the person who doesn’t have a “smart tv”: Roku box
- Anyone who wants to get online: Fire Tablet by Amazon for only $49.99
- Like to laugh: Pie Face game
- My favorite essential oil diffuser!!
- Beat the winter blues with a blue light!
- The soothing sound of an awakening bell!
- Get something engraved! My friends at Wulf Creek have put my mom’s logo on a baking dish, and lots of other cool items!
These are just a few of my favorites. I would LOVE to hear what you think! Please post your greatest gift ideas in the comments!
I hope you come up with something great and always remember that YOU are the true gift!
Love and Inspiration,
Heather
PS:
My gift to YOU: Grab your FREE 6 day coaching course!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Once, many years ago, a friend of mine called me “obnoxious” because I always like to be doing things. I didn’t want to just stay home… I wanted to take road trips, go to conventions, and I always had some volunteering or service project that I was involved in.
She said it was obnoxious that I “always needed something to look forward to” as if I was never content and let me know that she believed she was far more “grounded” than I was.
It hurt my feelings. I felt judged for being an adventurer, and I felt rejected by her because she never cared enough to get involved in any of my projects, or even to ask about them.
The worst part of it all, was that I constantly questioned myself instead of looking at the source of the criticism. And that is common.
Criticism or judgment comes our way and we think “What’s wrong with ME” instead of asking ourselves “What’s wrong in this person’s life that they need to criticize me?”
I lived like a prisoner to the opinion of other people for far too long and I didn’t speak up because I was afraid of hearing “I don’t want to be your friend anymore!”
I let people who would insult me have power over me! That’s just crazy!
So I learned to be brave enough to live life my way. I hope you will too!
Here are a few tips to be brave enough to live life your way:
1 Keep it real. Let’s face it, if someone is willing to dump you because you have an opinion, then they don’t deserve to be in your life anyway! Upgrade your tribe!
2 Embrace your supporters! You DO have someone in your life that is always supportive…. embrace them, thank them, and invite them to the celebration of YOU!
3 Realize that judgment is nothing more than an opinion. And do you want to live by the opinion of someone else, especially if he’s a jerk? No way!
4 Try it! Action will always make you feel brave! Over-thinking or prolonged planning will only hold you back from taking that first step!
5 Be aware and accepting! It’s OK to be afraid of doing, being, or trying… don’t beat yourself up! Admit you are afraid, accept that fear is normal, and go for it while you are still afraid!
6 Nobody ever died from judgment or rejection! Allow yourself to feel sad, hurt, embarrassed or whatever and then move on!
A friend (a real friend) once said to me, “I admire you, You are always so brave, you don’t care what other people think!” I thought about that statement for a long time and responded… “I care what you think, but I no longer care what some people think. We only have limited, precious time on earth and I won’t squander that time on people that don’t appreciate me as I am.”
I honor who you are, and I hope you will honor YOU as well!
Love and Inspiration,
Heather
Want help with something you are struggling with? Contact me today!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Have you ever read the book “Holes?”
In the book, the main character Stanley mentioned that life digging holes was so bad that he would sometimes prod a small rattlesnake to bite him so he could get a couple of days of rest in the tent to recover.
Hmmm…. if sometimes a rattlesnake bite is a GOOD thing, maybe other things that seem bad are just opportunities!
How can you turn a rattlesnake bite into something positive?
- Could a neglectful family member just be a reminder to be closer to your own kids?
- Could a burnt Thanksgiving meal be a great excuse to eat dessert for dinner?
- Could being snowed in be an opportunity to get some things done at home?
( Yes… I am currently snowed in but Thad just messaged me now and said that he found someone to come plow us out in the next few hours! Yay!! )
It’s not naive to look for the silver lining in every situation, it’s astute!
So this week, when stresses can be higher and family can be crankier, consider the rattlesnake bite and find the lesson or blessing in each moment.
Happy Thanksgiving! I wish you soooo much love, inspiration, and happiness this week! 🙂
Love and Inspiration,
Heat
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Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!