I recently bumped into a young person that I worked with a couple of years ago. When I worked with him, he was a bright young man with a huge heart and a tremendous amount of potential. At the time, he had a knack for getting himself into trouble but was nonetheless a good kid.
He sent me a message after we bumped into one another and thanked me for having a huge impact on his life and asked me to “write about how u delt with me in school and how on my worst days you always made it better for me.” I thought that was really sweet and so this post is for him!
The way I used to “deal” with him was by always being consistent and never enabling. I treat kids with compassion but I am completely honest with them and help them see reality. I will not do things for them that they can do for themselves. I also don’t believe in sugar coating things just because they are kids. They don’t live in a pretend world, they live in the same reality that has drugs, disease, crime and an overwhelming amount of temptation that glorifies bad choices. When I work with young people, I want to help them prepare for whatever they will face and pretending bad things don’t exist will never help them make good choices. When a kid does make a bad choice, it is imperative to let them face the consequences. Allow them to “suffer” through the choices that they have made, even if it involves paying money, community service, a painful breakup, rehab or even jail time. It is essential to their learning and developing a sense of responsibility. You can still be there for them and let them know that you support them when they are working toward recovery or rebuilding their life but will not enable them by rescuing them from consequences or by diminishing what they have done. (On a side note, hugs, smiles and encouragement go a long way. Many kids tell me that I am more like their Mom… or what they thought a Mom should really be like.)
I tell all the kids I work with that I will always be there for them and support them through all the struggles but I will also say what they need to hear especially when it’s harsh. I encourage you all to say what is difficult… it might not always be listened to immediately but it will be a planted seed and sometimes it might just save a life! (I have worked with suicidal teens too.) Sometimes you have to walk away from a person (young or not) that is continuing to make bad or destructive choices. You can let them know that you will be there when they are done hurting themselves and others and walk away. (Nobody should ever put up with abuse, not even from a child.)
There is nothing in life more rewarding than having a young person come to you and tell you that you helped them! I am forever touched by all these young people I am lucky enough to “deal” with. Some have amazing success stories, some are still a work in progress and I am blessed to be a part of it. Think about the difference you could make in a young persons life and Live Inspired Now!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
I read the book Kids Are Worth It by Barbara Coloroso about 18 years ago and it shaped who I became as a parent. The book basically states that there are 3 types of parents: brickwall, jellyfish and backbone parents. Here are those profiles:
BRICK-WALL: rigid, unyielding, strict rules, highly conditional, obedience expected, order, punctuality, cleanliness, punishment, humiliation, threats, ignored feelings, competition, fear, needs not acknowledged, they do things for the kids rather than letting them learn through trial.
JELLYFISH: loose or no rules, no follow through, unknown or not applied consequences, chaos, chaotic emotions, put downs, humiliation, no structure, threats, bribes, giving up, oblivious to needs, kids easily influenced by peers, they allow the kids to have lower standards for themselves.
BACKBONE: unconditional love and caring, acknowledging kids needs, letting them know they are important, smiles, hugs, HUMOR, motivation (you can do it!), simple clear rules, natural and or reasonable consequences, encouragement, encouraging self awareness and personal growth, allow mastery.
The jellyfish parent sometimes seems like a brickwall because when things seem very out of control they resort to rigidity but when that doesn’t work they just give up. The brickwall parent doesn’t allow children to think, they teach them to respond rather than think and learn to do things; this type of parent stifles creativity. Obviously we all want to strive to be the backbone parent which allows kids the freedom to be creative and expressive yet within boundaries that will keep them safe.
So today, discover what type of parent you are and see if you want to make some changes, check out Kids Are Worth It and Live Inspired Now!
PS: I would love to hear from you if you or your child needs coaching for a challenge that you are facing. Kids LOVE having a coach… just read my testimonials!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
One of the things I hear very often from clients is that they ignored their own intuition. Sometimes they did it because they were lonely so they ignored their intuition about the person they were with. They didn’t listen to that little voice that said this is not OK, this person is not all they are cracked up to be. We are all equipped with intuition, we are born with it. The more you listen to it, the louder it becomes too, but when you ignore it, you don’t even notice it anymore. Ignore it too long and you start to only hear your ego and your intuition goes for a long vacation.
It is very important to listen to the wise teacher within you. Whatever you want to call it… gut feeling, a knowing, intuition or 6th sense… they are all the same. They are your inner knowledge of things that will protect you, guide you and help you through your daily life. We have all had that “feeling” where you just knew something, you just knew not to go that way, or you just knew to call that person. We all have a million examples of intuition but it is up to us to LISTEN to it! The greatest and wisest teacher lives within us! So today, be quiet for a moment and listen, what is you intuition telling you about a situation or a person? Listen to the message and adjust your life appropriately and Live Inspired Now!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
I like to keep things simple so here is a simple list of ways to self motivate. Let me know what you think!
1 Keep it simple: Set SMALL goals. Ex: Don’t try to lose 75 pounds, just try to lose 2, then celebrate the success and strive for a little more…. and each time, celebrate the success!
2 Raise your standards: Find people and groups who have achieved what you want and hang out with them. Allow other people’s success to be a catalyst for your motivation. Listen to their stories and learn from them. Ask questions… people love to help!
3 Get INSPIRED: Nobody wants to commit to a goal that they are not invested in. Make sure you actually want what you are working towards. You might want to be more motivated at work but if you dislike your job and aren’t truly invested then you won’t be easily motivated. Motivation doesn’t occur without some sort of inspiration. Be honest… is this what you TRULY want or is it what you “think” you should want based on family or societal beliefs?
4 Stay positive: Fill yourself to the brim with everything positive. Put positive quotes on post it notes and put them everywhere. Read positive posts, blogs, or articles… like this one! Take negative people, whiners and political posting friends off your facebook wall. Smile even if you don’t want to. Put on uplifting or high energy music. Exercise. Recite powerful statements in your car “I am powerful!” or “I can do anything!” and say it with authority!
5 Help others get what they want: This is by far the MOST powerful tool in self motivation. People want to do things but more than that, they want to help others do things. When you help someone else reach their goal, you are making a contribution to the world which gives you a sense of belonging and importance. It also boosts your inspiration and attitude. It is much harder to drop the ball on your own goals when you are guiding someone else to reach theirs because you are accountable for the example you are setting.
6 Hire a professional: No matter what you goal is, a coach is just the expert you need to help you! Coaches and consultants are industry specific professionals who can keep you on task with tips, techniques, reminders and accountability. Coaching is so popular now because it works! You will love having a sounding board for your new ideas, someone to help you through your challenges, a person who always tells you what you need to hear and someone to cheer you on!
So today…. figure out what you truly want, get motivated and Live Inspired Now!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
My job as a coach is not to get you to like ME, it is to get you to like YOU! One of the biggest problems people face is self worth. Too often people come to me because they don’t see their own value. They underestimate their abilities, they don’t think they are attractive or they don’t think they deserve love. I am not an easy coach, I don’t allow people to overly self deprecate during sessions, I get people to look at the reality of things and often they don’t like it. People like to hold on to the excuses or stories they have created because it feels safer than putting themselves out there. As a coach, I cannot allow this and sometimes I can come across as harsh but again, I don’t coach to make you like me. You could go to your friends if you want them to tell you what you want to hear. I have been very lucky in that all my clients love my no-nonsense approach, they love me telling them like it is and not holding back. I love my job. I love my clients. But most of all, I love seeing them love themselves. Every client and every person on earth deserves love, happiness and all the wonderful things life has to offer and I will not stop until everyone realizes that. I know it’s a lofty purpose, but what else have I been put here for? 😉 So today, break free of your self loathing, discover your worth, discover how awesome YOU are and Live Inspired Now!
PS: Check out my Coaching Solutions if YOU would like some help reaching your goals, fixing your relationships, dealing with a challenging child or to guide you to your inspired life.
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
