I often hear from people that they don’t want to risk getting hurt so they don’t do anything to try and improve their relationship. Meanwhile, they live every day hurt and resentful because the relationship is not where they want it to be. So you can continue to live with hurt feelings, pain, resentment, numbness, disgust, and rejection, or you can try to change it. Yes, you may have to let go of your ego and put yourself out there. Yes, it may be the other persons fault. Yes, it is scary to show your feelings. But what do you want more? An improved relationship or an ego stroking? Be brave and take the first step. Tell your significant other that you love and cherish them and see how they respond. Let them know how important they are and how much you appreciate their contribution to your relationship. Tell them they are handsome/beautiful and that you get excited when you see them. Just let them know how much you care and how you want things to be amazing between you and see what happens.
It is true, not all relationships will work out. Wouldn’t you like to know that and have the opportunity to move forward? Or, you just might be surprised what happens when you kill your ego and do things to improve your relationship. Your partner might just step up and follow your lead. Either way, you will know and you can move forward, and stop living with hurt and resentment.
Drop the ego today, make the first move toward healing your relationship. Take down the walls and allow your partner the opportunity to help you recreate the passion and love, and Live Inspired Now!
PS: Feel free to contact me to heal YOUR relationship!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Yesterday, a reader asked me how to deal with being a single parent; specifically, how this makes her feel like the “bad guy” because her ex gets to be the fun visitation dad while she takes care of the day to day stuff. She stated that she feels it is “unfair” when her child lashes out at her and never acts this way towards the dad.
Here is my advice for all single parents (Dads and Moms):
1. Make time to have fun and celebrate. You can also enjoy your children. Create a time each week that you do something together that you will both enjoy. Maybe schedule a play date with your child. for example, every Wednesday after school you go to the park and swing. Schedule a pizza and movie night, have a tickle time each day, make a night to cook together, spread paper all over the floor and have a coloring party, create a treasure map and go on a treasure hunt through the house, hide secret notes for one another, etc…. There are a million ways to have fun with your kids that don’t cost anything either, so be sure that you are doing these things! The dishes can wait…. your relationship with your kid is more important. YOU are allowed to have fun too! During the “fun” time, don’t do anything else, just have fun!
2. Get support! There are tons of support groups for single parents online and in real life. Align yourself with others who can support and encourage you. Share your experiences and stories and you won’t feel like the only person going through it. Maybe you can even trade babysitting back and forth too!
3. Make time for yourself. While the kids are on visitation with the other parent, do something nice for YOU. If you can’t afford to go out and get a massage or go get dinner, then take advantage of a quiet house. Read a book, take a bath, work on a project that you enjoy… do something that will make YOU feel good, rested, cared for, and pampered.
4. Be honest with your kids. There is nothing wrong with explaining to the kids that when they are with the other parent, they get to have fun because it is the weekend and they don’t have to go to school or work so they can enjoy the time more. Let them know that during the week you have responsibilities to take care of so there is less time for fun. Let them know you are a team and that you count on them for their help and let them know you will schedule in time for you both to have fun as well. Never insult or call the other parent names. Instead, be honest about the situation and use age appropriate language to explain the differences between the different households. Encourage them to have fun and enjoy their time with the other parent. Remember it is their parent and they love them.
5. Stop expecting things to be “fair.” Life isn’t fair, it’s not supposed to be. It may seem unfair that you have to be the “bad guy” when the other parent gets to have all the fun but what about the child? Do they think it’s “fair” that he/she has parents that are getting divorced? Does the visitation parent think its “fair” that they only see their kid twice a month? Life isn’t fair, change what you are thinking about. Instead of feeling badly about being seen as the bad guy by your child sometimes, focus on the fact that you get the opportunity to raise your child and make the every day decisions. That is a blessing not afforded to all parents. You have to change your thinking by focusing on your blessings. Focus on that sweet little face that you get to see each morning and remember what a gift that is.
6. Choose your battles. You are only one person, you may have to let some things go! You may want your kids to pick up their laundry off of the floor, but if it’s going to be a battle, weigh whether or not it is worth it. Decide which battles you can let go of and then make peace with it. Just like life is not fair, it is also not perfect. You are a single parent, it is OK if the house is not perfect at all times. Let go of some things and keep your sanity!
7. Be clear and consistent. Let your child know that no means no and follow through with consequences. Wishy washy parents have an increasingly difficult time as their children age. The lack of consistent rules prevents kids from learning about boundaries and can put them in difficult situations with other kids or adults. They also don’t learn to respect the rules and may have difficulties in school or with authority. Don’t dismiss consequences just because your kid pitches a fit. Let them know you love them and explain the consequences and be firm. Hang in there… you can handle it!
Parenting is hard work sometimes but in the end, all that matters is that you emerge with a healthy and loving relationship with your child. Keep that in mind when deciding what battles to choose. Remember also that kids are not as skilled yet in expressing their emotions so they may express frustrations with an “I hate you Mom,” or a “You don’t really love me Dad.” These are just words of frustration and are not likely to be true. Don’t take it personally, we as adults even say things out of anger sometimes. Just remember, you are building a life long relationship with your child, there will be bumps in the road but their will also be rainbows. Enjoy the magic moments and survive the challenges. Laugh often and Live Inspired Now!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Who do you have to be grateful for and have you let them know how much you appreciate them today? Every day, through the hustle and bustle, through working, parenting, trying to get ahead, and doing a million different things, do not forget WHO is important. Without that special person, none of that other stuff matters. People often prioritize things and money and success and put the “relationship” on the back burner. They take for granted that he or she will still be there and they may, but that is too big a risk to take with someone you love. Prioritize your love, put one another first always, work towards all that other stuff together with the purpose of enjoying the successes with one another. Otherwise, you might work really hard, achieve success and then have no one to share it with. Life is about relationships and love is about putting one another first. Always put your significant other first but if for some reason you can’t, talk about it and let them know that although you are “stuck at work” or you “have to prepare for your big presentation” that you are thinking about them.
So today, remind your partner that you love them and that they are all you need. Prioritize your relationship, love to the fullest and Live Inspired Now!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Yesterday while listening to the radio in the morning, like we always do, the trivia question for the day was this: “What piece of household furniture is becoming obsolete?” The answer was the dining room table. They went on to say that most people don’t use a dining room table anymore. Most people eat in front of the television….. I think it was something like 74% of Americans eat in front of the television instead of as a family at a table.
Recently, I heard some of the teens I work with discussing a show called “Pretty Little Liars” so I decided to watch a few episodes on Netflix to see what all the buzz was about. OMG. Seriously??? This show is Desperate Housewives for teenagers! One young 16 year old is having a sexual relationship with her 26 year old teacher, another teen is always boozing it up, one of the girls is always alone with no guidance and all the adults are portrayed as morons, devoid of any values, and who have no clue what their kids are up to! THIS IS WHAT TODAY’S KIDS ARE WATCHING, GLORIFYING, AND PERSONIFYING! This is why we don’t have TV in our house… garbage!
I hate to sound old here but… remember the days when television shows had values? Take The Cosby Show, for instance. I loved that show! The parents were hands on, always made time for the kids, they ate together and encouraged one another, AND they showed affection. How many shows today are there where you see the parents hugging their kids before school and telling them that they love them? How many shows portray kids actually talking to their parents about something really important? Unfortunately, not the ones the kids are watching!
In my house growing up, we watched television every single night but not until after we ate dinner at the dining room table, cleaned the kitchen, did our homework. Then, and only then, did we watch television together with our parents. We would have never been allowed to watch shows like Pretty Little Liars or The Secret Life of the American Teenager. We watched Growing Pains, The Cosby Show, Who’s The Boss and others but, we watched them together. If there was ever a show in which they covered something “mature” then my parents would be there to discuss it.
Believe me dear readers, I am no prude. I love a good drama from time to time and even a horror movie or two, but we have to find the balance. No, I don’t mean a way to balance our dinner on our knee while watching the TV, I mean find the balance between mindless crap and healthy values. Share meals with your children and talk with them instead of watching TV; make it a priority. If you let your kids watch TV, watch with them and choose programs that don’t undermine the family. Remind your kids that the things they watch on TV do not represent real life. Remind them that in real life, there are consequences for their choices, that people actually have to have money to pay for things, that teenagers rarely look like super models all of the time and that reality TV is sensationalized, not reality. So today, hug your kids, tell them you love them, teach them the values you hold dear, and Live Inspired Now!
Need help getting your kids/family back on track? Contact me for a free consultation today!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Lao Tzu said “We shape clay into a pot, but it is the emptiness inside that holds whatever we want.” The beauty of the outside pales in comparison to the beauty of your purpose in life. We can put on whatever false act we want, but what you are filled with from the inside is your true value. Are you filling your emptiness with purpose, peace, tranquility, joy, love, compassion, and kindness. Or are you giving your inner space over to drama, negativity, jealousy, anger, resentment and hatred? WE choose what to fill ourselves up with or we choose to remain empty and continue to worship the outside.
Let go of the past, of things that don’t make you happy or peaceful, let go of anything that hurts you or others. Let your inside be as beautiful as the outside, be completely honest about who you are, be free and open. Forgive the past so you can enjoy the present, decide to be at peace and Live Inspired Now.
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
