Starting today, I am going to be posting a column called “Hey Heather!” Please feel free to email your questions to me directly at heather@liveinspirednow.com. I will answer as many as I can and post the very best questions here on the blog, probably once per week. I look forward to helping you by offering my advice! Don’t wait, send your questions now! 🙂 Thank you to “Confused Man With No Kids” for the very first “Hey Heather” question!
“Hey Heather-
Why does my friend’s 19 year old daughter always voice her entire life on facebook?
-Confused Man With No Kids”
Dear Confused-
The short answer: Because she’s 19 and likes attention, and wants to be sure that her feelings are valid.
The long answer: Kids (and some adults) today tend to post so much of their personal drama on facebook because they are seeking validation. Let me give you some examples of posts, and tell you what they really mean!
“I wish this didn’t make me so mad.” = Please ask me why I am so mad, then tell me I have every right to be mad.
“I don’t typically post things like this, but I am going to now……” = I need validation for what I am feeling, and I do NOT want to be called out for posting my business on facebook.
“Looks like I don’t really have any friends.” = My friends all have something cool to do and I feel left out, so I will try to make them feel bad for me so they will feel guilty and will not exclude me again.
“I can’t believe you would post that! I am so offended!” = I think that all things should align with my own ideas and beliefs, and I need you to know that you are wrong and should change immediately.
“I’m in the hospital!” = My real friends will frantically start to message me to see if I am OK. Not only will I feel loved, but this will show me who really cares about me.
Everyone wants to feel validated sometimes. We all (yes, even me) have been guilty of posting something that was purely intended to get attention, or even to passive-aggressively hurt someone. In general, people use more indirect communication, rather than just coming out and saying what they really feel. They feel compelled to make sure someone “cares” enough to comment, or like their post. The problem with this is that we have a culture of young people who don’t feel worthy unless someone has validated them with a “like, a comment, or a share.”
Young people, especially, should be learning self-worth, self-esteem, and self-awareness. They shouldn’t measure their self-worth based on social media acceptance! I believe that we as parents/adults, have a duty to teach our young people to value themselves, to self advocate, and to use their authentic voice no matter who “likes” it! We need to teach them to speak clearly, and directly, and ask for what they need! Of course that would require US, to start doing it too!
So next time you are tempted to post “OMG, my life is pathetic,” just consider phoning a friend (or life coach) instead! Remember, the kids are reading and learning from us. Let’s teach them how to get their needs met by just speaking up, self advocating, and saving the drama for “yo mama!”
Sincerely,
Heather Paris
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
I am dependent upon my husband. I need him. This doesn’t make me weak, it makes me human. We women are so busy raising “strong independent” women that we forget to mention that a strong man makes a wonderful partner! A strong man doesn’t make a woman weak, it makes it possible for her to lean on him when she doesn’t want to be strong. It makes it possible for her to fully express her femininity. We need to remind our daughters to embrace all that is good and strong in our partner, and not to beat them into submission. Steam-rolling a man is not the way to have a healthy, happy relationship, eventually, you lose respect for the man you wanted to control.
I see this all the time. The woman falls in love with the man who gives her everything, does what she wants, caters to her every whim, and always agrees with all that says…. then she gets bored. That is not a partner, it’s a suck up, and “suck ups” may make you feel good for a while, but flattery is not enough in a relationship! We only grow when we are challenged. We like ourselves more when we earn respect. We become strong when we make ourselves vulnerable to other people. We teach our daughters love by loving their fathers. We teach our daughters self-love, by loving ourselves. We teach our daughters strength by accepting help when we need it. And we teach our daughters peace when we show them how to let go.
Yes, I am dependent up on my husband, but he also depends upon me. Our relationship is INTER-dependent and yours can be too (read my book) if you stop trying to prove your own strength, and find the strength in your relationship! Let your partner know that you appreciate them, allow yourself to be vulnerable, find the strength in YOUR relationship, and Live Inspired Now!
PS: If you are a step parent, sign up now for my upcoming Beyond The Brady Bunch course… you don’t want to miss it!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
It’s painless to be plastic, but it’s lonely. You can’t get hurt because everything you are is fake; not real, not soft, and without depth. You don’t have to feel hurt by other people because if they don’t like you, they aren’t disliking the “real” version of you anyway, they have no idea who you really are. Plastic people can put on the version of themselves that suits their circumstances, and then change just as easily to adapt to new situations. The biggest problem with this is, they feel very much alone. As if nobody knows who they are, like nobody cares about them. And usually, they completely forget who they actually are, and they end up disliking themselves as well.
Today, try being vulnerable, honest, open, and real. Tell someone what you really think. Say what you really feel. Do what you really want to do. Yes, it is true that some people will NOT like you, in fact, they may even hate your smelly guts. Guess what? That is perfectly OK! You don’t have to be everything to everyone. You don’t have to always know what to say. You don’t have to be perfect. I am saying this to myself, as much as to you my dear reader. I too have been guilty of trying to be perfect, and trying to win approval of those that decided they didn’t like me for whatever reason. I have gone along with things I didn’t agree with just to fit in, and I have bitten my tongue far too many times instead of speaking up. I have been there, and chipping the plastic exterior off was the best thing I ever did!
Find your voice again, step up, stand out, and stop trying to be everything to all people. You are perfect just the way you are, the authentic version of you, without the plastic. You don’t need to be validated to be valid! Live in alignment with your soul, live with passion, and Live Inspired Now!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Teaching the kids to be responsible and reliable is a big job, but it’s worth it! It is important that they understand how things will work outside of the home. When you don’t do the dishes at home you might be made to do them before you can do something fun, or you might get grounded. If you don’t do what you are expected at your job, you will get written up, put on notice, or even fired. Teach kids to become responsible adults and Live Inspired Now!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Personal responsibility is a lesson that all children need to learn, otherwise, they will have a hard time as an adult. Let’s face it, nobody likes that one guy who blames everyone else for his crappy life instead of taking responsibility for his own choices. The prisons are FULL of men and women that blame, shame, or play games. Teach your kids to be responsible, accept consequences, make better choices and to Live Inspired Now!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!