“Hey Heather-
My daughter is very sensitive. It’s such a scary world, and I can see why she gets overwhelmed. I have encouraged her to cry, talk about her feelings, and even make her sit with me each day after school to allow her to let go of all the negative emotions. She loves this time together but it seems like she never gets relief from it. Any suggestions?”
-Mom to very sensitive 12-year-old
Dear Mom,
It sounds like you might be helping her a little too much. It is great that you are there for your daughter, but it sounds like she is getting more enjoyment from all the attention over being sensitive. I don’t know the language you are using with her, but be very matter of fact when you speak with her about her feelings. Parents sometimes “lead” the conversation and talk the kids into feeling a certain way. For example: if you daughter says someone called her a name, don’t say “oh that must have made you feel so bad,” or “I am so sorry that happened to you, that is despicable and you should not have to tolerate such behavior!” This only tells her that she SHOULD feel badly, when she may have only felt irritated but moved on from it.
Instead, just ask her how SHE felt. If she says “hurt,” then hug her and let her know it’s OK to feel hurt, and it’s OK to move past it too! Also remind her, that other people may have opinions about her, but that doesn’t make them true.
Here is an antidote I like to use with my own kids and my clients:
Are you green? Is your skin color green? No, there is no debating that, so you don’t have to be offended. In fact, it’s rather funny if someone called you green because it makes no sense. Why then would it bother you if someone called you “dumb?” Are you dumb? NO! So you can laugh at that funny statement too!
Mom, stop focusing so much on the negative emotions she is feeling and start asking her “what’s good?” Turn her focus to the positive things that happen each day, let her express feelings then move on, and use matter of fact language without putting your own emotion into it. Go spend some time with your daughter having some fun and laughing…. and Live Inspired Now!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Hey Everyone!! Are you part of a family? OF COURSE YOU ARE!! So you will definitely want to check out my upcoming online course called “Beyond The Brady Bunch: Real life solutions for blended families!”
Does any of this sound familiar:
“She puts the kids first and I always feel unsupported.”
“He still caters to his ex wife and it really pisses me off!”
“I really want my step kids to love me and it seems like no matter what I do, they just don’t care about me.”
“I feel like I need to discipline his kids too, but he won’t let me!”
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Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
There is no way that things are supposed to be. There is only the way we think, they are supposed to be. Life can feel a whole lot better and you can be a whole lot happier if you change any limiting beliefs that you have! Life is just life, without limits, without expectations, without drama. Create the life you want, love or leave the people you are with, and Live Inspired Now!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
“TOWANDAAAA!!!” That is the phrase we use in our family when we want to get into peak state! We do this when we need extra courage, or when we are doing something that scares us.
We got this phrase from the movie “Fried Green Tomatoes.” You have to see that movie, it is so empowering, and one of my personal favorites! My entire family has watched it, and now, whenever we have something scary we have to do, we help one another by yelling “TOWANDA!!!!” The kids and I screamed it before one of the kids had a job interview, we screamed it before going on stage, we screamed it when we were talking about future goals and dreams! It’s a great way to anchor some personal power, especially in the kids!
Use “Towanda,” or come up with a special phrase for your family! Teach the kids how to muster up the courage that we all need sometimes, and Live Inspired Now!\
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Sometimes when we wish for “luck,” I wonder if what we are really wishing for is that our lack of preparation isn’t apparent to anyone else. Wishing for luck is like wishing for a hot tub time machine…. it only exists in movies. What DOES exist though, is hard work, preparation, creative thinking, and perseverance. If you don’t put these things in, then it is unlikely that you will get the results you are “wishing” for. You don’t luck into excellence, you create it daily with positive intentions, healthy habits, and desire! So don’t blame “luck” for your laziness… go out and create your life to be as close to what you imagine as possible, and Live Inspired Now!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!