“Hey Heather,
I am a hot mess! I am separated from my 3rd husband and ready to move on. I am tired of moving on with the wrong people. I find myself with people just for the ‘comfort’ but they are unhealthy, and I know they are not for me. In relationships, I feel like I am often either the doormat or a major bitch! I don’t want to get hurt again, but I also don’t want to hurt another person. I am just starting to enjoy being alone for the first time since I was a teenager. Is this normal? I’m too old to keep making dead-end mistakes that leave me heartbroken. Any advice or suggestions?” -Hot Mess
Dear Hot Mess,
Welcome to the “hot mess club!” It’s actually a really beneficial place to be because now you have learned all the lessons, and gone through the hard part!! Time to move past the hurt and start to really experience all the love, joy, and happiness that life has to offer!! You can start this journey by doing some “self-awareness” work. Time to ditch the people who are holding you back or hurting you in any way! YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY! Sounds like you have already started to create some boundaries with the unhealthy people in your life, good job! Feel free to delete, block, or ignore the rest of them! I went through this too. I had to “upgrade” the people I let be in my life. Self empowerment: just do it! Do things that might be a little scary but will get you out of that “comfort” that you mentioned. Comfort is for couches, not personal growth! Get out there and start meeting new people, trying new things, and take courses that will teach you more about yourself. You have been a mom and a wife for so long that you forgot that you are also a woman with your own dreams too! It is time to start doing things that YOU LOVE, that will excite you and help you remember to laugh and be happy! Sounds like you are a very strong lady, let that strength continue to help you grow and learn so you can go out and grab life by the balls! I was a hot mess for a while too! I was married 3 times before I met my current husband. I did it. So can you!!!! You just have to be willing to take a few steps to improve your life!
Here are a few small steps:
Read self-help books (I hope you will start with mine, you will like the stories! Live Inspired Now: A Field Guide For Happiness)
Put notes all over your house with positive messages on them!
Ditch, delete, and disregard Debbie Downers, then DISCOVER new, more positive people! (maybe look for a positive meetup group in your area at meetup.com )
Exercise a little each day…. even if it’s just a short walk.
Crank up some fun music and dance, sway, or move in some way….. smile, laugh, and enjoy it!
Put on some comedy! Do whatever makes you laugh!
Spend a few minutes each day in gratitude for all that you are. You woke up today…. that alone is enough to be grateful for!
Turn off the news. There will always be bad in the world, but there will also be good. Focus on the GOOD!
Just try these few things and notice how your life turns around! Life is what WE make it… so go make your life awesome! Instead of a “hot mess” just be hot…. red-hot, on fire for life! Your life, your rules my dear! Live Inspired NOW!!!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
This past Saturday, I was the keynote speaker at the New York State Future Business Leaders of America Conference at Cayuga Community College. My host read my intro which included my bio and at the end she told the crowd I was a “Zombie Slayer!” I added this in because that is what my speech was based on…. zombie slaying! We have all been a zombie at one time or another. A zombie is someone who goes through life, unaware or in denial of what’s going on around them, they are caught up in the hustle and bustle and forget to take time to actually enjoy life. We have all done this at one time or another. Many of us, me included, get lost in zombie life, even for an extended period of time, but we CAN come out of it!
So my talk was about finding your passion, and joy again. It was about how to slay the inner zombie and come back to life with happiness, love, excitement, and inspiration! Here are a couple of fun metaphors I gave the crowd!
When life gives you lemons…. you make lemonade. WRONG! If life only gave you lemons, that would be terrible lemonade. So go out and buy some more ingredients and research some recipes! You don’t ever have to settle for “what life gives you!”
It is what it is. WRONG! It is what you make it!
NO = failure. WRONG! No just means Next Opportunity, so get past the no, and move on to the next opportunity!
I had such an awesome time delivering my speech but I want you to know that I was nervous. I also want you to know that I don’t say “nervous” before my speeches, I say “excited!” The physical sensations of nervous and excited are exactly the same… so why not be excited? Doesn’t that feel better than being “nervous?” Try my little word trick next time you have to do something that makes YOU “excited!”
There is nothing you can’t accomplish if you have the desire, and the dedication to your dream/goal/purpose! I hope you will remember how amazing YOU are, how capable YOU are, and how much YOU have to offer to the world! Slay your own inner zombie, embrace life, and LIVE INSPIRED NOW!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Check out today’s video and learn how to prevent your romantic relationship from slipping away and Live Inspired Now!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Lately I have read a lot of posts in which people are complaining about their “ass of an ex,” partner who is “not stepping up as a parent” or “cancelling out on visitation” or “who is still drinking.” BLAH BLAH BLAH!!! I just want to take a moment to mention that while your “EX” may very well be an “ass,” that makes you an “ass picker!”
Isn’t it time we step up and take some personal responsibility for picking the “ass?” I certainly made the wrong choices in my past, and I used to blame my “EX”, too. However, in time, I came to learn that taking personal responsibility for the people I let into my life is far more empowering than assuming the role of a victim. Once I accepted that I MADE BAD CHOICES, then and only then, did I have enough awareness to start making better choices for myself. Sure, I could blame my ex-husband for being an alcoholic, or I could take responsibility for the fact that I thought I could “fix” him, and married him with that intention. I beat myself up for years for making dumb decisions, but that didn’t do me any favors either! It wasn’t until I put on my big girl pants, did some personal development through learning, reading, and letting go that I realized I CREATE MY WORLD. I could either continue to blame everyone else for my problems, or I could step up, set a new standard for my life, make better decisions, and move forward! That is what I did, and you can too!
Stop calling your “EX” out on Facebook. So what if he is an “ass”. Guess what? Calling him an “ass” hasn’t helped the situation yet! When is the last time you called someone a mean or hurtful name and they all of a sudden jumped up and said “You are right! I am an ass! Based on your criticism and public humiliation, I think I will step up and become a better person!” Let’s face it, that is not how it works. I get it, we all need to bitch and complain sometimes to get our feelings out. Call a friend and discharge all that negativity, but stop calling your “EX” mean names in public. It hurts a child to see his parents publicly ridicule one another, and it makes you look bitter and petty.
Just because you picked the wrong person in the past, doesn’t mean you are doomed to repeat the process. Not all women/men are bad. Not all relationships have to be ugly. But if you have a history that seems to make this true, it’s time to step up, read some books, take some courses, hire a coach, and do some personal growth! You deserve to be happy, fulfilled, and in a healthy, happy relationship in which you feel like the most important person in the world to someone. But first, you have to start focusing on the positive and create a healthier, happier new environment for you and your kids! Model happiness, compassion, and kindness. Let go of the ass from the past and start picking better people to have in your life, and Live Inspired Now!
PS: If you need some help dealing with new family dynamics, please check out: You’re Not My Real Mom!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
RESPONSIBILITY is the Ability to choose your Response! Having the ability to choose your response to any situation, event, or circumstance means you have a great deal of power. It is far more powerful to choose how to respond to things than it is to just react to something. When you react, you give away your power. The last thing you want, is to give your personal power away to someone who irritates you!
Taking personal responsibility is the highest form of power because it means that no matter who confronts you, or what happens to you, only you are responsible for how you act as a result. Let’s completely get rid of the BS that you don’t have any control. Let’s stop saying things like: “It’s not my fault, I couldn’t help it, he made me do it, or that’s just how I am!” These BS excuses have no place in a life of happiness and inspiration. Those types of excuses are for victims, martyrs, cry babies, haters, whiners, Debbie Downers, and Nay-Sayers!
YOU have the ability to create a life that is happy, joyous, and full of gratitude! YOU have the ability to get the resources you need to create the life you love. YOU have everything within you to leave a lasting impression on this world…. will your impression be one of misery and excuses, or one of smiles, laughter, and happiness? When you leave the earth, do you want people to think of all the excuses you made, or remember all the inspiration you gave? It is always YOUR choice, your personal ability to respond to your environment. So today, drop the BS, stop making excuses and start making a life! Start living, loving, enjoying, laughing, feeling, smiling, trying, doing, being, and most of all inspiring!
How will YOU inspire someone today?
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!