3 different clients made me say these words this week:
“You are NOT the mood police!”
This is one of the most prevalent challenges in our society today…. we feel the need to correct or fix the feelings of other people because we feel their bad mood is a reflection of us as a person.
Imagine this:
- Husband is in a cranky mood.
- Wife is irritated by husband’s cranky mood so she tries to make him feel happy.
- Husband doesn’t want to feel happy right now. He wants to be left alone to think for a bit.
- Wife gets even more irritated that husband won’t “snap out of it.”
- Wife feels rejected and becomes cranky.
- Husband and wife argue and it escalates from crankiness to anger and now they both retreat away from one another to stew in rejection and misery.
- Kids are now upset too because Mom and Dad are fighting again.
It doesn’t have to be like this!
Imagine this instead:
- Husband is in a cranky mood.
- Wife asks if he’d like to talk about it.
- Husband says “No thank you, I’d prefer to have some time alone to stew.”
- Wife says “OK my love, take all the time you need.”
- Husband goes and has some alone time.
- Wife goes and plays with the kids.
- An hour later the husband emerges and thanks his wife for allowing him some time and they escalate into a supportive conversation about the days frustrations.
- Kids see a Mom and Dad lovingly supporting one another and feel happy and secure.
Other people are entitled to feel however they want to feel. It is not our job to constantly police moods, feelings, or emotions! And remember this…
Another persons emotions are NOT a reflection of you, your parenting, your relationship, your abilities, or your productivity! Your spouse does NOT love you because of what you provide. They love you because you are you!
What does this topic mean to you? Just hit reply to this email and let me know! I can’t wait to hear your thoughts!
With love, gratitude, and inspiration,
Heather Paris
GUESS WHAT???? Coach training is now OPEN!!! Check it out now… space is limited, jump in now…. BECOME A COACH!!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Are you old enough to remember parachute pants? They were popular in the 80’s, they were made of some kind of plasticy fabric, and they had zippers all over!
Only the coolest kids wore them so of course I wanted a pair… in black, and skin tight! Only I wasn’t allowed to wear skin tight anything!
My mom, being so loving and kind, decided to buy me a pair… no doubt to make me happy. BUT……she didn’t buy them at the cool store, no.
She bought them at the higher end store and made sure they were NOT tight. In fact, they were baggie which was so not cool in the mid 80’s!
I was excited to wear them anyway… and I proudly climbed onto the school bus to head to 8th grade with my best friend of the week, Angel, and that’s when it happened. All the boys on the back of the bus started laughing hysterically and called me “sandwich baggie pants!”
Great. I finally get my black parachute pants and now everyone’s calling me “sandwich baggie pants.”
I never wore those pants again which was too bad because they were expensive, good quality, and I would have grown into them.
Fast forward about a million years….. how does this apply to husbands?
I see many single people looking for the perfect fit in a mate but they often over look quality for what’s trendy, or because of what other people say. Or because they are focusing on something shallow rather than seeing all the really good things!
Just like the pants…. they might not be the exact fit, but if they are quality and YOU can grow into them, then they might be the better choice!
It took me 3 divorces and years of turmoil to learn these valuable lessons:
- Don’t compromise quality because other people don’t understand worth.
- Marry someone with like values, not necessarily a like mind.
- Don’t date or marry someone you’ve already grown past and hope they will catch up.
Listen, relationships aren’t hard. Love it, change your attitude about it, or leave it. There are no other options!
Repair your relationship, or learn to find the RIGHT one now with our DIY Relationship Repair video series!!!
And stay tuned…….
I LOVE coaching! I get to help people, I can work from anywhere, and I always feel like I am living my purpose!! The Live Inspired Now Coach Training opens for enrollment in July!!!
With love, gratitude, and inspiration,
Heather Paris
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
This week I’d like to offer you some FREE coaching! (Adding to my good karma account!) Just email me Heather@liveinspirednow.com and finish one of the following statements…
- How can I get my spouse to……….
- How can I get my kid to………..
- How can I lose weight when………
- How can I feel better about………
- How can i help my…………
(Example: “How can I get my spouse to pay attention to me?” or “How can I help my daughter lose weight when she loves to eat cake?”)
There are simple solutions to big challenges but sometimes we miss the obvious because we are too close to the situation.
You may even have something sabotaging your success without you even realizing it!
My email again: Heather@liveinspirednow.com
I LOVE coaching! I get to help people, I can work from anywhere, and I always feel like I am living my purpose!! The Live Inspired Now Coach Training opens for enrollment in July!!! Stay tuned!
With love, gratitude, and inspiration,
Heather Paris
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Your kiddo would like you to know that when YOU feel good, THEY feel good!!!
It really is that simple.
Parents over work and under take care of themselves so they can “provide” for the family but what the kid really wants is for you to be happy.
In fact, every kid I talk to cares more about their parents happiness than they do about their cell phones. They would give up all their electronic toys if it meant their parents would smile, laugh, and spend quality time with them.
Your kids will only ever be as OK as you are!
Stress rolls downhill! If you are stressed so are they. And blanket statements like “I have to work to provide all the nice things you have!” does not negate their stress!
Think about that. No really think about it……….
When was the last time someone stressed themselves out for you and you felt good about it?
Likely, never! Unless you’re a sociopath (and you’re not) you would never want someone else to be stressed to the max for you! You would feel horrible!
So. Take better care of yourself. There is a 100% link between mental health and physical health.
Work less, workout more…. and ask the kids to join you! You don’t have to go kill it at a gym… just take a walk, or a hike together!
Eat less, cook more…. and ask the kids to join you in the kitchen! You don’t have to prepare a 5 course meal… but cook a healthy meal instead of grabbing take out all of the time.
Your kids want you to spend time with them more than they want you to spend money on them. So cut the stress and hug your babies! Listen… they move out on their own far quicker than you realize!
You don’t want them to reach 18 and be dying to leave the house because it’s so stressful! You want them to feel bittersweet… happy to start a new adventure, but also miss you! That way they come back to visit!
With love, gratitude, and inspiration,
Heather Paris
UPDATE: I’ve lost 40 pounds which is 160 pounds of pressure off my joints!! I feel amazing and have loads of energy, and I’ve seen a shift in my own kids and how they are eating as well!!!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
I’m proud of something my daughter Carrie said, but I didn’t tell her I was proud, and here’s why…
So Carrie was invited to a party at her friends house. She was told the party would be totally unchaperoned!
( No parents. No rules. No freakin way right!? )
Carrie came home from school and this is what she said to me:
“Mom, I feel sad because all my friends are having a party and I’m not going. There will be no parents at the party, so I’m not going…. and I know I wouldn’t be allowed to go anyway, but really I don’t want to with no adults.”
No. This was not a dream! My 15 year old daughter really said this to me! And my reply….
“I’m sorry you feel sad about missing the party. It sounds like you are making a great choice! How do you feel about that?”
She told me that she felt proud of herself and I offered her a hug which she took!
Oh man… what a proud mommy moment!
I have lots of proud moments with her and I do tell her I am proud of her sometimes, but emotional intelligence is all about helping kids build their own self esteem, and self pride so they will make the right choices all on their own!
- Kids make better choices when they want to be proud of themselves vs. just making their parents proud.
- Kids make better choices when they are coached through challenges vs. being forced into submission.
- Kids make better choices when they see emotional intelligence modeled for them.
- Kids make better choices when they know how to explain their feelings instead of acting on them!
Listen, if you are pregnant, or your children are small, it’s easier to start “emotion coaching” your children now while they are still so impressionable.
If you have teens, it’s not too late, but it is much harder! If you need help, please just hit reply to this email and I am happy to talk to you about how coaching could help you and your family!
In the meantime, instead of making all the decisions for your kids:
- Give them age appropriate responsibility and ask them how they feel about their choices!
- Take an interest in how they feel about things, not just the situation.
- And when possible, let natural consequences happen instead of punishing.
Have a super duper rest of your week!!
And don’t forget… if you are struggling in your relationship, you need to check out www.diyrelationshiprepair.com today before there is no relationship left to repair!
What do you think about today’s post? Hit reply to this email and let me know!
With love, gratitude, and inspiration,
Heather Paris
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!