Check out today’s video and learn how to prevent your romantic relationship from slipping away and Live Inspired Now!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Lately I have read a lot of posts in which people are complaining about their “ass of an ex,” partner who is “not stepping up as a parent” or “cancelling out on visitation” or “who is still drinking.” BLAH BLAH BLAH!!! I just want to take a moment to mention that while your “EX” may very well be an “ass,” that makes you an “ass picker!”
Isn’t it time we step up and take some personal responsibility for picking the “ass?” I certainly made the wrong choices in my past, and I used to blame my “EX”, too. However, in time, I came to learn that taking personal responsibility for the people I let into my life is far more empowering than assuming the role of a victim. Once I accepted that I MADE BAD CHOICES, then and only then, did I have enough awareness to start making better choices for myself. Sure, I could blame my ex-husband for being an alcoholic, or I could take responsibility for the fact that I thought I could “fix” him, and married him with that intention. I beat myself up for years for making dumb decisions, but that didn’t do me any favors either! It wasn’t until I put on my big girl pants, did some personal development through learning, reading, and letting go that I realized I CREATE MY WORLD. I could either continue to blame everyone else for my problems, or I could step up, set a new standard for my life, make better decisions, and move forward! That is what I did, and you can too!
Stop calling your “EX” out on Facebook. So what if he is an “ass”. Guess what? Calling him an “ass” hasn’t helped the situation yet! When is the last time you called someone a mean or hurtful name and they all of a sudden jumped up and said “You are right! I am an ass! Based on your criticism and public humiliation, I think I will step up and become a better person!” Let’s face it, that is not how it works. I get it, we all need to bitch and complain sometimes to get our feelings out. Call a friend and discharge all that negativity, but stop calling your “EX” mean names in public. It hurts a child to see his parents publicly ridicule one another, and it makes you look bitter and petty.
Just because you picked the wrong person in the past, doesn’t mean you are doomed to repeat the process. Not all women/men are bad. Not all relationships have to be ugly. But if you have a history that seems to make this true, it’s time to step up, read some books, take some courses, hire a coach, and do some personal growth! You deserve to be happy, fulfilled, and in a healthy, happy relationship in which you feel like the most important person in the world to someone. But first, you have to start focusing on the positive and create a healthier, happier new environment for you and your kids! Model happiness, compassion, and kindness. Let go of the ass from the past and start picking better people to have in your life, and Live Inspired Now!
PS: If you need some help dealing with new family dynamics, please check out: You’re Not My Real Mom!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
RESPONSIBILITY is the Ability to choose your Response! Having the ability to choose your response to any situation, event, or circumstance means you have a great deal of power. It is far more powerful to choose how to respond to things than it is to just react to something. When you react, you give away your power. The last thing you want, is to give your personal power away to someone who irritates you!
Taking personal responsibility is the highest form of power because it means that no matter who confronts you, or what happens to you, only you are responsible for how you act as a result. Let’s completely get rid of the BS that you don’t have any control. Let’s stop saying things like: “It’s not my fault, I couldn’t help it, he made me do it, or that’s just how I am!” These BS excuses have no place in a life of happiness and inspiration. Those types of excuses are for victims, martyrs, cry babies, haters, whiners, Debbie Downers, and Nay-Sayers!
YOU have the ability to create a life that is happy, joyous, and full of gratitude! YOU have the ability to get the resources you need to create the life you love. YOU have everything within you to leave a lasting impression on this world…. will your impression be one of misery and excuses, or one of smiles, laughter, and happiness? When you leave the earth, do you want people to think of all the excuses you made, or remember all the inspiration you gave? It is always YOUR choice, your personal ability to respond to your environment. So today, drop the BS, stop making excuses and start making a life! Start living, loving, enjoying, laughing, feeling, smiling, trying, doing, being, and most of all inspiring!
How will YOU inspire someone today?
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
“Hey Heather-
My daughter is very sensitive. It’s such a scary world, and I can see why she gets overwhelmed. I have encouraged her to cry, talk about her feelings, and even make her sit with me each day after school to allow her to let go of all the negative emotions. She loves this time together but it seems like she never gets relief from it. Any suggestions?”
-Mom to very sensitive 12-year-old
Dear Mom,
It sounds like you might be helping her a little too much. It is great that you are there for your daughter, but it sounds like she is getting more enjoyment from all the attention over being sensitive. I don’t know the language you are using with her, but be very matter of fact when you speak with her about her feelings. Parents sometimes “lead” the conversation and talk the kids into feeling a certain way. For example: if you daughter says someone called her a name, don’t say “oh that must have made you feel so bad,” or “I am so sorry that happened to you, that is despicable and you should not have to tolerate such behavior!” This only tells her that she SHOULD feel badly, when she may have only felt irritated but moved on from it.
Instead, just ask her how SHE felt. If she says “hurt,” then hug her and let her know it’s OK to feel hurt, and it’s OK to move past it too! Also remind her, that other people may have opinions about her, but that doesn’t make them true.
Here is an antidote I like to use with my own kids and my clients:
Are you green? Is your skin color green? No, there is no debating that, so you don’t have to be offended. In fact, it’s rather funny if someone called you green because it makes no sense. Why then would it bother you if someone called you “dumb?” Are you dumb? NO! So you can laugh at that funny statement too!
Mom, stop focusing so much on the negative emotions she is feeling and start asking her “what’s good?” Turn her focus to the positive things that happen each day, let her express feelings then move on, and use matter of fact language without putting your own emotion into it. Go spend some time with your daughter having some fun and laughing…. and Live Inspired Now!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Hey Everyone!! Are you part of a family? OF COURSE YOU ARE!! So you will definitely want to check out my upcoming online course called “Beyond The Brady Bunch: Real life solutions for blended families!”
Does any of this sound familiar:
“She puts the kids first and I always feel unsupported.”
“He still caters to his ex wife and it really pisses me off!”
“I really want my step kids to love me and it seems like no matter what I do, they just don’t care about me.”
“I feel like I need to discipline his kids too, but he won’t let me!”
Don’t go through another divorce, learn how to create happiness in the family you have! Register now: http://liveinspirednow.com/happy-youniversity/
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!