Do you know a “spoiled rotten kid?” C’mon, we all do… or have at least witnessed one, mid temper tantrum, in the store, crying over the newest candy bar, toy, or cell phone!
Seriously, I think that may be the #1 topic people ask me about…. entitled kids!
I could write for days on the topic but I will try to reel it in with a few simple tips.
Tips to prevent raising entitled kids:
#1 Keep the praise to a minimum to raise a quality kid!
Yes, I did just say that! Stop complimenting everything breath they take. When you over praise, you set your kiddo up to seek external validation rather than learning self pride or appreciation.
Instead of praising, ask your kiddo some questions! Next time lil Johnny brings you his school project, instead of endlessly gushing, ask him how HE feels he did. Ask him what his favorite part of the project was. Or you could ask him what part he is most proud of, or what part he struggled with and how did he overcome the struggle.
#2 Reward with attention, not stuff!
If your kid deserves some praise or a reward, then offer them some quality time! And I’m not talking about the time it takes to go to the store to buy them stuff.
I mean go to the park and play hide and seek to celebrate together. Or go build a fort together. Or play a game, go for a walk, bake a cake, people watch, play mini golf, or even just sit and enjoy an ice cream cone together while talking!
I promise you… they will NEVER remember the toy you bought them when they were 6 but they WILL remember the quality time you spent with them, and how loved they felt.
#3 Say NO once in a while!
Just because you can afford something, doesn’t mean you should buy it. Telling you kiddo NO is a good thing because it teaches them patience and appreciation.
Just because Apple came out with the brand new version of the iPhone, doesn’t mean your kiddo should have it, even if it’s not a financial burden to get it. Remember that old anti-drug slogan from the 80’s? Just say NO!
#4 If you want them to act responsibly, you have to give them responsibility!
Thad and I are always amazed by the amount of responsibility some kids have in 3rd world countries. Kids at 7 years old are out hustling for money… shining shoes, carrying bags… whatever it takes.
It’s terribly sad that some kids are forced too young to hustle for food and resources, but it’s even more sad that some kids sit around and do nothing while being showered with praise and presents.
Give your kiddos some responsibility! All ages, even toddlers can participate in cleaning or picking up, loading things into the dishwasher, and helping out around the house.
If you start them young, they learn to contribute to their family because that’s what family members do. Not because they are getting a reward! Throw out the star sticker chart and start handing out hugs and thank-you’s!
#5 Allowance: Yes or No?
People ask me this a lot too. I don’t believe in giving an allowance, and I’ve never given allowance to my kids. I do however think it’s important to teach them to earn. I have paid my kids to do some things above and beyond their normal responsibilities. BUT… I do not nag, or bribe, I give them an opportunity to learn and earn.
Simply put, I let them know that I have a job available, how much it pays, and if one of them is interested, they can see me about it. I let them know the requirements, and if they do the job, I pay them. Simple.
Some examples have been:
- Cleaning out the car
- Foot rubs
- Packing up books to send out to customers
- Shampooing the dog
- Organizing my bookshelf
- Sweeping the patio
- (My mom used to pay me to pull her grey hairs out. lol. I hope she doesn’t kill me for sharing that!)
- etc….
I also think it’s important to teach them about money… how much to save for short and long term, and what to spend. (But that’s a whole different topic for another day!)
The point…. stop showering your kids with undue praise and rewards.
Instead, give them wings to fly so when the time comes, they leave the nest to do good in the world and eventually return for visits with adorable grand babies! 😉
If you know a parent who is struggling, please forward this to them and offer a kind word. Everyone needs a little inspiration now and then!
Experience has made me wise, coaching has shown me how to share that wisdom.
If you are ready to join the mission to increase emotional intelligence and teach others how to as well, please learn more about the Live Inspired Now Coach Training which is open again for enrollment! Live Inspired Now Coach Training Course
You can use your experience, combined with the skills you learn to give your children an advantage when they go out into the world, you can share what you learn with students, friends, family members, or your community!
Join us and be a gift to the world!
Love and inspiration,
Heather Paris
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Years ago, when I was in an unhealthy relationship, I was desperate to find a way to fix it, until I could no longer stand it, then I was desperate to find a way out.
I was so consumed with trying to find a way out and I was so focused on how unhappy I was, that I could never really see any options.
Have you ever felt that lost? I remember sitting in my car with my BFF and just balling my eyes and telling her I just wanted things to be different. I wanted to love, or even would have settled for “liking” my spouse again, but I just didn’t. I felt so trapped, like I was doomed to stay in a state of limbo.
One day, while driving in my car, it all became clear to me. It was like the sun shone directly on me and opened up my soul or something!
And in that moment, for a brief time, I wasn’t consumed with misery and despair, so clarity finally had room to flood in.
It was me… I had been preventing my own growth because I had only been focusing on the problem… and not taking any responsibility for my relationship.
Blaming others, feeling bad, and focusing on my own misery, were the very things holding me back from making a change and fixing my own life! All my excuses seemed to fade away and I realized that I had 3 options to choose from:
- Stay and be miserable.
- Stay and be happy.
- Leave.
Stay and be miserable was what I had been doing and it wasn’t working, so that option was a big fat NO!
Stay and be happy didn’t work either. I’d love to say I was strong enough to “just love” someone who was acting unlovable, but I wasn’t. No matter how much I tried, prayed, meditated, etc… in my heart, I knew that I couldn’t stay. It wasn’t good for me, or for him, and it certainly wasn’t good for the kids.
Leaving was the kindest option and so I left. I felt free. I felt alive again. I felt like I liked myself again. I could breathe. I could remember what made me happy. I could be a better example. I could heal.
I had resisted leaving for a long time because I didn’t know how things would work logistically.
- How would I make it as a single mom?
- How would I pay my bills?
- How would I take care of a big house alone?
The truth was, all these things worked themselves out. It took time, and it was terrifying. But it all worked out. I handled everything that came my way!
Things always work out for the greater good when we focus on truth instead of fear.
I have no regrets. I’ve made tons of mistakes in the past, but I am deeply grateful for every single one of them because it brought me to this moment to share what I have learned.
I am now living and loving every little bit of my life and if someone had told me that back then, I would’ve never believed it!
Stop blaming, making excuses, and focusing on the negative. Take a good hard look at your decisions, actions, behaviors, thoughts, words, and choices and see how YOU are the solution to your problems!
You are not the problem, you are the SOLUTION to the problem!
I hope you will look forward in faith and make the decision to challenge yourself to make the changes you need to love your life again!
I know you can handle it, and I look forward to hearing about your success!
Experience has made me wise, coaching has shown me how to share that wisdom.
If you are ready to turn your life around and teach others how to as well, please learn more about the Live Inspired Now Coach Training which is open again for enrollment! Live Inspired Now Coach Training Course
You can use your experience, combined with the skills you learn to give your children an advantage when they go out into the world, you can share what you learn with students, friends, family members, or your community!
Join us and be a gift to the world!
Love and inspiration,
Heather Paris
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Last week at yoga class (a new thing for me), I felt fat, awkward, and clunky. I could hear that crunchy noise in my knees when I squatted down, I couldn’t go upside down because of vertigo, and was sweating… like seriously sweating!
“Am I the only one here huffing, puffing, and sweating my butt off? Is anyone else struggling as much as I am? Why didn’t I get here earlier so I could get a spot in the back? Am I doing this right?”
While all these thoughts swirled through my head, I remembered something…. “just stay on your mat.”
It was a phrase from the book “Love Warrior,” in which the author found herself at yoga class in the midst of personal crisis. She wrote that she realized all she had to do in that moment was to “stay on her mat.”
I heard those words too! They cut through the mental clutter like a hot knife in butter. They were comforting.
“Just stay on your mat.”
Although I am not going through any personal crisis like the author in the book, those words were so helpful during my moment of insecurity.
No matter how happy, healthy, and emotionally intelligent you are, there will always be those times when you struggle. During the struggle, a mantra is helpful to remind you of your strength.
So I stayed on my mat for the entire class, did my best, and felt good just because I made it through! I go back tonight! lol. It will get easier with time but while it’s a struggle, my only goal will be to stay on my mat. It’s an accomplishment to just be there, I don’t have to become a yoga queen!
You can make it through tough situations too! Just remember to stay on your mat! Whatever the struggle, YOU can handle it but let me know if you need help!
* Maybe your relationship is falling apart?
* Maybe you want to strangle your mouthy teenager?
* Maybe you just need to remember what makes you happy?
I am here. I can’t help with yoga, but these things I CAN help with! 😉 I look forward to hearing from you!
Much love and inspiration,
Heather
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Do you know what it means to get the “itch?” It’s definitely not something gross to scratch, it’s not even something physical. It’s that feeling you get when you are ready for a change.
Personally, every couple of years or so, I get itchy for something new!
Growing up as an Army brat, then a military wife, I became quite used to moving every 2-3 years. I’ve had more than 40 addresses in my 45 years on the planet!
Before I was self aware, that “itch” would present itself in destructive ways. Because I didn’t know that I just needed some change, I would often self sabotage my life or even my relationships and that provided enough drama to suffice for change.
Thank goodness I know much better now and make healthier choices but some people are still trapped in that cycle of meeting their needs for adventure or change in unhealthy ways.
When Thad and I bought our dream home here in New York, we decided that this would be home base… no more moving!
While that is still a little scary to me because I’ve never lived anywhere for more than a few years, I am happy to have a “home base.” But because I know every couple of years I will start to get the itch to move, I’ve found healthy ways to meet that need.
In fact, this weekend, I changed a lot of things! I completely renovated my office, I moved furniture around in the house, and I re-organized!
It may sound small, but to me it was HUGE! Since I’ve decided not to move anymore, moving the furniture and redecorating is a fun way for me to feel the change without uprooting my entire family!
What do YOU do when you feel like you need something different?
Finding healthy ways to fill you needs could save you from self destructive decisions, and can make you feel much happier!
Here are just a few suggestions for meeting your need for change but the sky is the limit! Are you the type of person with a HUGE need for change, or are you happy with small changes? Hopefully some of these will excite you:
- Move your furniture
- Paint a room a new color
- Skydive
- Plan a trip
- Try a new exotic restaurant
- Plan a surprise for your partner
- Play hooky from work and school
- Drive a different way to work
- Volunteer
- Buy hats & scarves and leave them in the park for homeless people
- Plan a ceremony to renew your wedding vows
- Do an art project
- Make a bucket list
- Try a sensory deprivation tank
- Go to the local animal shelter and play with the adoptable animals
- Take a class or workshop
- Read a new book
- Test drive a cool car
Whatever you decide to do, be sure it’s something that’s healthy, empowering, and super fun!
The best thing you will ever do is to become emotionally aware of your needs and learn to meet them in the most positive ways possible!
Have a super happy week!
Much love and inspiration,
Heather
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Well, here I am… this is what 45 looks like on me! Today is my birthday and I am super excited to see what kind of trouble I can get in! lol
I’ve decided to get bolder as I get older but today I need your advice…
What should I add to my personal bucket list this year???
Make it something really great, and bold, but no jumping out of planes (but only because of inner ear issues.) Please- someone add visit Harry Potter world in Florida!! 🙂
I can’t wait to add your ideas to my bucket list!! 🙂
Thank you so much for being so wonderful! I am deeply grateful for you!
Much love and inspiration,
Heather
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!