Trust is a beautiful thing. It provides a refuge of safety and security to any relationship. It makes a person feel important, loved, cherished, and protected. But once that trust is gone, a person is left feeling scared, vulnerable, heart broken, and they start building walls to keep people out. As the walls grow higher with each betrayal, one can become completely closed off from the people they once loved so much. Trust is difficult to regain. It can be done, but not without a full commitment to the following 4 principles.
The 4 Principles to Re-Building Trust:
1 HONESTY:
Time to get brutally honest folks, Trust will never rebuild itself on the uncertainty of lies or manipulation. It can only be built upon the solid rocks of honesty and whole truth. Not half truths, and “she will never find out about that part,” but the kind of truth that scares the crap out of you. The truth that makes you cry, and makes your heart feel like it’s going to jump right out of your chest; the “omg, I hope nobody ever finds out about this” kind of truth. Be completely honest when your spouse asks you a question too. Don’t try to figure out their motive, or test to see if they already know the answer, just give a fully honest response. You must make a 100% commitment to honesty for trust to follow.
2 RESPONSIBILITY:
You’re not really being honest if you are blaming everyone else for your bad choices. Yes, it might be true that other people played a role, but the only way to rebuild trust is to be fully culpable for your part in the betrayal. You need to accept all consequences like a grown up, without complaint or contempt, and serve your time. Trying to turn things around and place blame on others only proves that you are not really sorry for what you have done. Rather, you are looking for excuses for your behavior to lessen your consequence or to ease your guilty conscience. Never blame the victim of your betrayal for their part, they will never learn to trust you while you are trying to make them feel bad.
3 COMMUNICATION:
There is no such thing as over communicating when you are trying to build trust. The person who was betrayed may want to talk all the time or not at all, be available for them. If your spouse wants to talk about their feelings, then listen. Allow them to have a safe environment to explain what they are going through without trying to fix, correct, change, or reacting aggressively to what they think or feel. Feelings are valid even if they seem irrational. It is not up to you to defend your actions, it is up to you to just be a good listener, and to show that you really care about how they feel. If your spouse does not want to talk, then let them know that you are available, and willing to listen without judgement. Be patient, everyone is different and your spouse may need time before they can articulate how they feel. Don’t try and rush them to it because you are afraid of the silence or afraid to lose them.
4 LEARNING:
Take whatever steps you need to learn how to make better choices in the future. Perhaps you need to see a coach or counselor and get through some deep seeded emotional issues from your past. Or maybe you need to a coach to teach you HOW to have a successful and happy relationship. Whatever it is, you need to learn to be more healthy and to avoid future betrayals. You also need to learn to trust yourself. Life is like a mirror, and your inner being is being reflected back at you all the time. If you don’t like what you see, then you need to do some self evaluation and make some positive changes in your life. There is nothing worse than earning your spouses trust back, only to lose it all over again because you didn’t learn to make better choices for yourself or your family.
If you need help re-establishing trust in your relationship, please message me today. It is not easy, but if you are truly committed and ready to learn better behaviors, it can be done. Take the first step to rebuilding a better relationship, earning trust back, and Live Inspired Now!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
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