Having the ability to understand and share the feelings of another is NOT always a good thing.
When I was married to my first husband Donnie, who was (and still is) an alcoholic and drug abuser, I had a serious case of empathy bias…. showing favor for those who are suffering.
Donnie was actually a really kind person but to cope with a horrible childhood, he turned to drugs and alcohol to alleviate his pain at a very young age.
During our brief marriage, I could feel his pain and it was soul crushing. I wanted to alleviate his suffering, so I did whatever I could to try and make things better….
- I downplayed his drinking
- I denied his drug abuse completely
- I didn’t reach out for help
- I’d constantly clean up the messes he made with his friends and family
- I took responsibility for his bad behavior and mistakes
…. and it only got worse.
Empathy is a beautiful quality until it turns into codependency. Then it hurts both people.
Codependency is when you rely on other people for your own identity so you enable their poor choices, bad behavior and addictions.
I was codependent on Donnie because my identity was reliant upon him getting clean and sober. I lived only to make sure he was OK, and that our marriage appeared successful.
Now, after almost 30 years, 3 kids, education, therapy, and training…. I truly am grateful for my experiences because I get to help so many people in a formal way without losing myself to an unhealthy relationship!
Do you have empathy bias? Is your big heart and desire to help turning into a codependent situation?
Contact me and let’s talk.
You CAN break free from the codependent merry-go-round and find true happiness that isn’t reliant on other people….. and life is exquisite when you can enjoy it fully without bearing the weight of the world.
Contact me and let’s set up a free consultation call.
I look forward to hearing from you!
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With love, gratitude, and inspiration,
Heather Paris
607-269-7815
www.liveinspirednow.com
Email me: heather@liveinspirednow.com
Follow me on YouTube, Instagram (@heatherparis) and Facebook!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!