Trust is a beautiful thing. It provides a refuge of safety and security to any relationship. It makes a person feel important, loved, cherished, and protected. But once that trust is gone, a person is left feeling scared, vulnerable, heart broken, and they start building walls to keep people out. As the walls grow higher with each betrayal, one can become completely closed off from the people they once loved so much. Trust is difficult to regain. It can be done, but not without a full commitment to the following 4 principles.
The 4 Principles to Re-Building Trust:
1 HONESTY:
Time to get brutally honest folks, Trust will never rebuild itself on the uncertainty of lies or manipulation. It can only be built upon the solid rocks of honesty and whole truth. Not half truths, and “she will never find out about that part,” but the kind of truth that scares the crap out of you. The truth that makes you cry, and makes your heart feel like it’s going to jump right out of your chest; the “omg, I hope nobody ever finds out about this” kind of truth. Be completely honest when your spouse asks you a question too. Don’t try to figure out their motive, or test to see if they already know the answer, just give a fully honest response. You must make a 100% commitment to honesty for trust to follow.
2 RESPONSIBILITY:
You’re not really being honest if you are blaming everyone else for your bad choices. Yes, it might be true that other people played a role, but the only way to rebuild trust is to be fully culpable for your part in the betrayal. You need to accept all consequences like a grown up, without complaint or contempt, and serve your time. Trying to turn things around and place blame on others only proves that you are not really sorry for what you have done. Rather, you are looking for excuses for your behavior to lessen your consequence or to ease your guilty conscience. Never blame the victim of your betrayal for their part, they will never learn to trust you while you are trying to make them feel bad.
3 COMMUNICATION:
There is no such thing as over communicating when you are trying to build trust. The person who was betrayed may want to talk all the time or not at all, be available for them. If your spouse wants to talk about their feelings, then listen. Allow them to have a safe environment to explain what they are going through without trying to fix, correct, change, or reacting aggressively to what they think or feel. Feelings are valid even if they seem irrational. It is not up to you to defend your actions, it is up to you to just be a good listener, and to show that you really care about how they feel. If your spouse does not want to talk, then let them know that you are available, and willing to listen without judgement. Be patient, everyone is different and your spouse may need time before they can articulate how they feel. Don’t try and rush them to it because you are afraid of the silence or afraid to lose them.
4 LEARNING:
Take whatever steps you need to learn how to make better choices in the future. Perhaps you need to see a coach or counselor and get through some deep seeded emotional issues from your past. Or maybe you need to a coach to teach you HOW to have a successful and happy relationship. Whatever it is, you need to learn to be more healthy and to avoid future betrayals. You also need to learn to trust yourself. Life is like a mirror, and your inner being is being reflected back at you all the time. If you don’t like what you see, then you need to do some self evaluation and make some positive changes in your life. There is nothing worse than earning your spouses trust back, only to lose it all over again because you didn’t learn to make better choices for yourself or your family.
If you need help re-establishing trust in your relationship, please message me today. It is not easy, but if you are truly committed and ready to learn better behaviors, it can be done. Take the first step to rebuilding a better relationship, earning trust back, and Live Inspired Now!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Upstate, NY friends, please join me tomorrow for a talk and book signing at Downtown Books and Coffee, 66 Genesee St. in Auburn, NY. I will give a short talk at 1:00pm, then will be signing books, and answering questions. I very much look forward to meeting YOU!
Thank you so much!! See you tomorrow! 🙂
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Are you a slave to your TV programming? What do you think of today’s video? Be sure to watch all the way to the end for the “bloopers.” Please comment below!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Last night, Thad and I went to see Cirque de Soleil’s Michael Jackson, Immortal Tour. It was incredible in every way but one of the dancers in particular really inspired me! Jean Sok, was break dancing and flipping all over the stage, and running circles around other dancers; yet he only has one leg! It got me thinking about limitations, and how we really do determine our own limitations.
The biggest limitation that almost ALL people need to overcome is their own mind! In an interview, Jean said that he had people in life who told him he couldn’t be a dancer, and those who told him to go for it. He just chose to listen to those who said go for it because it aligned with his own beliefs that he could! He said that he never auditioned as a person with limitations, rather as a “normal” person. He didn’t consider himself anything but normal, so he never set limits for himself. Awesome!
I have known completely able-bodied people who are far more “disabled” by their negative attitude and lack of determination, and people with “disabilities” who never stop achieving every dream they have. It’s all about what you decide to set as a standard for yourself. Are you going to give up, give in, or step up and lean in? If you are going to set limits for yourself, then you are sure to live by them. Get inspired, shatter your limitations, enable and empower your thinking and Live Inspired Now!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
I think sometimes as parents we forget that life truly is magical if we are willing to see the magic. The light glistens off the snow and looks like glitter. A spot opens up in the clouds and you can see the colors of the rainbow. You catch someone smiling at you from across the room and you forget that you were upset. These are all examples of magic but it is up to us to let go of negativity, self deprecation, and to wake up to possibilities! Recongize the magic, and Live Inspired Now!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!