Unless you are a fireman, EMT worker, police man or other type of first responder, you should not be “rescuing” people. People don’t need to be saved or rescued. They need to save themselves, and most times they do that only by hitting rock bottom. I think this might be why coaching works so well because coaches don’t enable, they empower. People need to learn how to empower themselves to make changes that will create a life they love. You don’t get the chance to do that if someone is “saving” you every time you fall. Just the way a baby would never learn to walk if you scooped him up after his first fall. People make mistakes and the best thing we can do is to let people learn from them. It is not your job to fix, save, or rescue another person. It is wonderful and lovely to help people, but if you are “helping” them with the same thing over and over, you are enabling them. People are not projects, they need love and kindness but it is up to them to create or re-create their own lives. I learned this lesson many times over in my life. It is noble to want to help others, it is selfish and unrealistic to think you are their savior.
Look at the people in your life. Are they people that should be in your life? There is a difference between being friendly and being friends. Be “friendly” to everyone, but be “friends” with those people who are like minded and who will not take advantage of you or abuse your friendship. Learn and live the difference, inspire and empower but do not enable, and Live Inspired Now!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
I was inspired yesterday by Thad and his constant composure. He is able to maintain calm through almost anything! I was talking to him this morning about how after many hours spent with the kids, I need to go and decompress for a bit while he is still calm, cool, and collected. I started to feel kind of guilty for needing a break from them when he is so capable of just letting it all go and that is when I realized what was going on. Thad is able to take each situation separately while I see them as a whole big picture. Thad says he sees the tree but I see the entire forest.
I was explaining to him that when I am with the kids, I am listening, processing, and figuring out how everything will impact them and their future. For example: when Carrie came home from her dads with a migraine yesterday. I had to do an investigation: What did you eat? How long have you had it? Did you drink enough water today? Then upon determining what went wrong, I had to try and fix it: Drink some water, lay down, do not eat any more junk food, take a warm shower and let me give you a hug. Then I thought about the long term effects: Will she have migraines forever? Should I consult a nutritionist and change her diet? How will this impact her in the future?
So while Thad just dealt with the immediate situation, I had to turn it into a full blown intervention! I would love to say that I am perfect, but clearly I am not. lol. Now that I realize that I was doing that, I have an opportunity to make a different choice. Next time one of the kids has an issue, I am going to deal with the issue at hand rather than globalizing the entire problem. Funny how well I do this in every other area of life but when it comes to the kids, I was so concerned with the “what ifs” that I was stressing myself out.
So today, look at each situation that comes up for what it is, not what it “might” be. It is fine to look at the big picture sometimes, but you don’t need to every time. And while some people say “You can’t see the forest through the trees….” I say, just look at the tree, you don’t have to see the whole forest. Sometimes in looking at the entire forest you miss the beauty and uniqueness of each individual tree. Watch, love, participate and enjoy each and every moment and Live Inspired Now!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
I often hear from couples that they are fighting over who “owns” what. Maybe the house is in his name and in a moment of anger he screams “this is MY house!” Or maybe the wife reminds the husband that “I make the money, it’s mine and I get to decide how we spend it.” Or even worse, “these are MY kids and you don’t make the rules for them.” UHG! Just break up now and move on!!! Toothbrushes and underwear are things you can claim as ONLY yours but why not share everything else? If you are in a relationship where you don’t trust your partner enough to share your home, your kids, your finances or your truth with, then you are not in the right relationship. In fact, you are probably the one abusing the relationship! Now obviously if you just started dating someone, you should take your time to get to know and trust them. However, if you are in a long term relationship and sharing your life with someone, you should be sharing everything. Yours and mine only cause resentment and hurt feelings. It will eventually lead to a break up or, if you stay together, a passionless, mediocre, unhappy relationship.
If you love him, share you world with him, if you can’t because you don’t trust him, then either seek help to strengthen your relationship or move on! Relationships can be repaired, but it gets harder to do so, the longer you let resentment build up. What do you value more? Your life partner or “YOUR things?” What are you really building? A business partnership or a relationship?
Stop fighting about his, hers, and mine and share you life together. Share everything and don’t abuse it, or each other. So today, stop the cycle of fighting about who owns what. Develop a deeper love that goes well beyond things and stuff. Create a bond that unites not separates and Live and Love Inspired Now!
PS: If you need help getting past petty differences in your relationship… call now. I have the tools to transform your relationship in ONE SESSION!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
I cannot stress this enough; if you want to feel good, do good things for other people and you will feel amazing! So Harry came home from school yesterday and tells me that he took extra money to school so he could do something nice. He then went on to explain that the “big cookies” in the lunch room are $1.00 and he brought $5.00 with him. He purchased 5 big cookies, kept 1 and gave 4 away. He said he was walking through the lunch room and some kid said “Hey, you have too many cookies. Can I have one?” and Harry said “Sure!” Harry said the kid couldn’t believe it when Harry just smiled and handed him one. He also gave one to a friend and a couple to random strangers.
Harry said “Mom, I felt so GREAT!!!” He went on to say that he totally understands what I mean about helping people and how good it feels. He said that he was helping because it made people feel pretty happy.
What a proud mom moment! He did this all on his own without prompting too! I cannot stress enough how important it is to teach our kids about helping others and giving beyond themselves. The true way to happiness is through service, kindness, and compassion. Today, ask your kids to do an act of kindness for someone, or do one yourself.
Here are just a few suggestions:
-pay for the coffee for the guy behind you in line
-buy an extra coffee for the homeless guy you walk by
-offer to carry something that looks heavy
-hold doors and smile
-compliment people… especially if they seem to be having a bad day
-offer to run an errand for someone
-let people cut in front of you while driving
-give your kids some extra money to buy extra snacks for friends
-buy pizza for the office
-volunteer
-send cards to kids in the hospital
-support kids/people going through medical challenges
No matter what you do…. feel good knowing you are doing something for others. These are just a few examples of some of the easier things you can do…. feel free to go above and beyond if you are so inspired! Get out there and do good things, feel great about it and Live Inspired Now!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
It is so nice to be around people who truly love and adore their spouse! How bad does it feel when someone is talking to you and bashing the person they are supposed to love? They talk all about the limitations or downfalls of their “loved one” and it can make you feel really uncomfortable. I had a co-worker years ago that always spoke down about his wife, I can’t think of one nice thing that he ever had to say about her. Then when I met her, I was surprised and delighted by how lovely she was. Of course then I felt bad because clearly SHE was stuck with someone who didn’t value her at all! I LOVE hearing people when they brag about their spouses. I often brag about mine! (Of course you all already know how truly amazing Thad is!)
How good would your spouse feel if you were to brag about them? Say really nice things about them to your co-workers or drop a couple lines about how grateful you are for them on facebook? How important would you make them feel if they knew that you thought they were Superman/woman? Remember also, your spouse is a reflection of the choice YOU made. So if you are talking down about someone, it only reflects badly on you. (If you are in a situation where the relationship is ending, you still should not talk badly about the other person.)
So today… go ahead and brag a little about the one you love, speak and regard them highly, make them feel really important and Live Inspired Now!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
