Recently a client asked me “How can I instill a sense of pride in my kid?”
My answer: “Stop telling them you are proud of them every time they do something!”
No really. Just stop. Here’s why.
When we over praise, we teach kids that they should be doing things for us, for the validation, and not for their own self satisfaction.
It also teaches them that their worth is equated to what they do, produce, or achieve.
Trade your praise for love and affection and ask your child how they feel about their own performance instead.
The picture shown here is the inside of a card that I sent to our daughter Madison. She is 22 and just got a great job! I am proud of her…. but not because she got a great job.
I am proud of her because she’s my daughter and I love her.
It may sound like such a small distinction but when your child fails at something, and they will, they will believe they have let you down, and that they are not worthy of your affection or love if you only praise achievements.
I see it every single day and it breaks my heart.
So instead of praising your kiddo all of the time, try this instead.
Ask them: “How do you feel you did?” Then respond to their feelings.
There is definitely a time and place for praising your kiddos! I like to praise them when they do acts of kindness that you wouldn’t normally expect. Like seeing a woman in the grocery store dropping items and running over to help, or offering their own money to someone in need and so on.
Even then, be sure to ask them how those acts made them feel! Allow them to grow a sense of pride in themselves by advocating for their success without over praising. Then, instead of praising, try saying something like “That was beautiful to see, thank you!”
Let me know your thoughts or please do share your story at the bottom of the page!
Experience has made me wise, coaching has shown me how to share that wisdom.
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Love and inspiration,
Heather Paris
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Last week at yoga class (a new thing for me), I felt fat, awkward, and clunky. I could hear that crunchy noise in my knees when I squatted down, I couldn’t go upside down because of vertigo, and was sweating… like seriously sweating!
“Am I the only one here huffing, puffing, and sweating my butt off? Is anyone else struggling as much as I am? Why didn’t I get here earlier so I could get a spot in the back? Am I doing this right?”
While all these thoughts swirled through my head, I remembered something…. “just stay on your mat.”
It was a phrase from the book “Love Warrior,” in which the author found herself at yoga class in the midst of personal crisis. She wrote that she realized all she had to do in that moment was to “stay on her mat.”
I heard those words too! They cut through the mental clutter like a hot knife in butter. They were comforting.
“Just stay on your mat.”
Although I am not going through any personal crisis like the author in the book, those words were so helpful during my moment of insecurity.
No matter how happy, healthy, and emotionally intelligent you are, there will always be those times when you struggle. During the struggle, a mantra is helpful to remind you of your strength.
So I stayed on my mat for the entire class, did my best, and felt good just because I made it through! I go back tonight! lol. It will get easier with time but while it’s a struggle, my only goal will be to stay on my mat. It’s an accomplishment to just be there, I don’t have to become a yoga queen!
You can make it through tough situations too! Just remember to stay on your mat! Whatever the struggle, YOU can handle it but let me know if you need help!
* Maybe your relationship is falling apart?
* Maybe you want to strangle your mouthy teenager?
* Maybe you just need to remember what makes you happy?
I am here. I can’t help with yoga, but these things I CAN help with! 😉 I look forward to hearing from you!
Much love and inspiration,
Heather
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!