Having the ability to understand and share the feelings of another is NOT always a good thing.
When I was married to my first husband Donnie, who was (and still is) an alcoholic and drug abuser, I had a serious case of empathy bias…. showing favor for those who are suffering.
Donnie was actually a really kind person but to cope with a horrible childhood, he turned to drugs and alcohol to alleviate his pain at a very young age.
During our brief marriage, I could feel his pain and it was soul crushing. I wanted to alleviate his suffering, so I did whatever I could to try and make things better….
- I downplayed his drinking
- I denied his drug abuse completely
- I didn’t reach out for help
- I’d constantly clean up the messes he made with his friends and family
- I took responsibility for his bad behavior and mistakes
…. and it only got worse.
Empathy is a beautiful quality until it turns into codependency. Then it hurts both people.
Codependency is when you rely on other people for your own identity so you enable their poor choices, bad behavior and addictions.
I was codependent on Donnie because my identity was reliant upon him getting clean and sober. I lived only to make sure he was OK, and that our marriage appeared successful.
Now, after almost 30 years, 3 kids, education, therapy, and training…. I truly am grateful for my experiences because I get to help so many people in a formal way without losing myself to an unhealthy relationship!
Do you have empathy bias? Is your big heart and desire to help turning into a codependent situation?
Contact me and let’s talk.
You CAN break free from the codependent merry-go-round and find true happiness that isn’t reliant on other people….. and life is exquisite when you can enjoy it fully without bearing the weight of the world.
Contact me and let’s set up a free consultation call.
I look forward to hearing from you!
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With love, gratitude, and inspiration,
Heather Paris
607-269-7815
www.liveinspirednow.com
Email me: heather@liveinspirednow.com
Follow me on YouTube, Instagram (@heatherparis) and Facebook!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
“Sally” was in tears after catching her husband having sex with another woman… again.
And not even an hour later he was professing his undying love to her. He made her feel guilty for wanting to leave him. He made her feel hopeful when he promised to make up for his indiscretions. He made her scared when he said he couldn’t live without her.
She called me because she wanted to know what SHE could do to help HIM.
Abusers will exploit your emotions to get their way. They will use every bit of vulnerability you have to use, abuse, and hurt you. Then they will employ you to help them rather than taking any personal responsibility for helping themselves!
Emotions are wonderful but if you are overly emotional, you are exploitable!
In today’s world, it’s so popular and acceptable to say “follow your heart” and I’m warning you that your heart is not equipt to make all of your decisions for you!
Your heart only wants to love so it doesn’t make decisions regarding safety or higher purpose.
A mechanic can fix your car but you wouldn’t ask him to do your laundry too.
If you are highly in tune to your heart and your emotions, it’s time to get in touch with your head and your higher self too!
The next time your in a situation that makes you feel scared, lonely, or guilty, ask yourself these questions:
- Is this a one time incident or a pattern?
- Is this something I wish to experience again?
- Is this something I’d wish for my kids / parent / close friend to experience?
- Do I walk on eggshells?
- Am I safe enough to talk about this?
- Do I make excuses for their behavior?
Emotional exploitation is not OK but there is something you can do about it! Listen to your head and your higher self, not just your heart!
Your head is smart, it runs on logic, assesses risks, and makes rational decisions.
Your higher self is your inner light, your God-ness, your soul. It makes decisions for the greater good and for the betterment of self, family, and humanity.
You have all that you need to be happy, healthy, and peaceful but if you need help, reach out!
If you are unsure if you are in a toxic relationship, please reach out. I am more than happy to set up a free call to help!
With love, gratitude, and inspiration,
Heather Paris
607-269-7815
www.liveinspirednow.com
Email me: heather@liveinspirednow.com
Follow me on YouTube, Instagram (@heatherparis) and Facebook!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
It may sound like a small thing but yesterday I impulsively decided to apply to be a vendor at an art festival selling my hand painted rocks!
Big hairy deal right?
Well impulsivity CAN be a big deal… if you don’t learn to manage it!
People, especially young people, have a need for adventure! Some more than others, but we ALL have the need.
Personally, my need for adventure is higher than most and when I was younger, I would sometimes meet that need in a negative way because I didn’t understand it or know how to meet my needs in healthier ways.
So impulsively spending money on clothes that I didn’t need, quitting a job, or getting in my car and driving to visit a friend 6 hours away on a whim was standard practice in my young life.
NOW… I’ve learned to take risks without being risky. I allow myself to be impulsive on things that hold little or no risk to my personal safety, stability, or integrity.
I cannot tell you how important it is to learn, or teach your kids, to be adventurous in a safer way!
Kids that need higher amounts of adventure are at high risk for getting involved in unhealthy activities like drugs, sexual encounters, gangs, disruptive behavior, and risky stunts, dares, or challenges if they aren’t directed to healthier choices!
Allow yourself or your children to be “adventurous” in ways that won’t risk personal safety, health, or happiness!
Some adventurous examples for kids might be snowboarding, zip lining, hiking, cutting school for a mom/son date day, or even just daring them to climb into the pillow bin at Walmart! Find ways to let them get their heart pounding, adrenaline racing, and laughing their butts off!
It’s good to engage in adventure from time to time!
So…. yes, I entered a festival as a rock painting “artist” and guess what? They accepted me! So now I get to spend the Summer painting rocks in preparation for the “Purple Painted Lady” festival in September and I couldn’t be more thrilled! It’s simply for the FUN of it… nothing more! If I don’t sell one single rock, I don’t even care… I’ll give them away for Christmas! lol. Painting is a source of meditation and relaxation for me and I’m happy to have any “excuse” to paint!
What can you do today to be a little impulsive in a healthy way? Hit reply to this email and let me know your adventure……
The Live Inspired Now Life Coach Training School is NOW OPEN for registration!!!
YOU can be the influence that changes lives for the better!
With your experience combined with the skills in this training, you will take your own personal growth to a new level, you will learn how to raise/teach emotionally resilient kids, and you’ll be able to apply all these strategies to your daily life!
If you find this content helpful, please share it! Sharing is inspiring!
With love, gratitude, and inspiration,
Heather Paris
www.liveinspirednow.com
Email me: heather@liveinspirednow.com
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
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The 7 Principles Workshop, taught by Gottman Leaders Thad & Heather Paris, is a fun, must-have class for seriously dating, engaged, and married couples and is based on 40+ years of groundbreaking relationship research!
Who Should Attend?
– Dating couples
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– LGBTQ couples welcome
The Seven Principles Program includes lectures and private couple exercises.
**Participants will not share their personal problems in front of others.**
Registration includes a copy of the best-selling book and all required training materials. Cost: $299 per couple.
Light refreshments provided with extensive meal options available in the casino during meal break. Book a room and stay over and make it a whole date weekend experience!
Register now- space is very limited!
“7 Principles For Making Marriage Work” at del Lago Resort and Casino in Waterloo, New York!!
We only have space for 3 more couples so if you are interested, act NOW!! Get more info here!!! Or email us Heather@liveinspirednow.com!
With love, gratitude, and inspiration,
Heather Paris
www.liveinspirednow.com
Email me: heather@liveinspirednow.com
Coaching is a holistic alternative to therapy. It’s fast, affordable, and highly effective! Just hit reply to this email if you’d like to know how coaching could help you or your family!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
3 different clients made me say these words this week:
“You are NOT the mood police!”
This is one of the most prevalent challenges in our society today…. we feel the need to correct or fix the feelings of other people because we feel their bad mood is a reflection of us as a person.
Imagine this:
- Husband is in a cranky mood.
- Wife is irritated by husband’s cranky mood so she tries to make him feel happy.
- Husband doesn’t want to feel happy right now. He wants to be left alone to think for a bit.
- Wife gets even more irritated that husband won’t “snap out of it.”
- Wife feels rejected and becomes cranky.
- Husband and wife argue and it escalates from crankiness to anger and now they both retreat away from one another to stew in rejection and misery.
- Kids are now upset too because Mom and Dad are fighting again.
It doesn’t have to be like this!
Imagine this instead:
- Husband is in a cranky mood.
- Wife asks if he’d like to talk about it.
- Husband says “No thank you, I’d prefer to have some time alone to stew.”
- Wife says “OK my love, take all the time you need.”
- Husband goes and has some alone time.
- Wife goes and plays with the kids.
- An hour later the husband emerges and thanks his wife for allowing him some time and they escalate into a supportive conversation about the days frustrations.
- Kids see a Mom and Dad lovingly supporting one another and feel happy and secure.
Other people are entitled to feel however they want to feel. It is not our job to constantly police moods, feelings, or emotions! And remember this…
Another persons emotions are NOT a reflection of you, your parenting, your relationship, your abilities, or your productivity! Your spouse does NOT love you because of what you provide. They love you because you are you!
What does this topic mean to you? Just hit reply to this email and let me know! I can’t wait to hear your thoughts!
With love, gratitude, and inspiration,
Heather Paris
GUESS WHAT???? Coach training is now OPEN!!! Check it out now… space is limited, jump in now…. BECOME A COACH!!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!