Do you know a “spoiled rotten kid?” C’mon, we all do… or have at least witnessed one, mid temper tantrum, in the store, crying over the newest candy bar, toy, or cell phone!
Seriously, I think that may be the #1 topic people ask me about…. entitled kids!
I could write for days on the topic but I will try to reel it in with a few simple tips.
Tips to prevent raising entitled kids:
#1 Keep the praise to a minimum to raise a quality kid!
Yes, I did just say that! Stop complimenting everything breath they take. When you over praise, you set your kiddo up to seek external validation rather than learning self pride or appreciation.
Instead of praising, ask your kiddo some questions! Next time lil Johnny brings you his school project, instead of endlessly gushing, ask him how HE feels he did. Ask him what his favorite part of the project was. Or you could ask him what part he is most proud of, or what part he struggled with and how did he overcome the struggle.
#2 Reward with attention, not stuff!
If your kid deserves some praise or a reward, then offer them some quality time! And I’m not talking about the time it takes to go to the store to buy them stuff.
I mean go to the park and play hide and seek to celebrate together. Or go build a fort together. Or play a game, go for a walk, bake a cake, people watch, play mini golf, or even just sit and enjoy an ice cream cone together while talking!
I promise you… they will NEVER remember the toy you bought them when they were 6 but they WILL remember the quality time you spent with them, and how loved they felt.
#3 Say NO once in a while!
Just because you can afford something, doesn’t mean you should buy it. Telling you kiddo NO is a good thing because it teaches them patience and appreciation.
Just because Apple came out with the brand new version of the iPhone, doesn’t mean your kiddo should have it, even if it’s not a financial burden to get it. Remember that old anti-drug slogan from the 80’s? Just say NO!
#4 If you want them to act responsibly, you have to give them responsibility!
Thad and I are always amazed by the amount of responsibility some kids have in 3rd world countries. Kids at 7 years old are out hustling for money… shining shoes, carrying bags… whatever it takes.
It’s terribly sad that some kids are forced too young to hustle for food and resources, but it’s even more sad that some kids sit around and do nothing while being showered with praise and presents.
Give your kiddos some responsibility! All ages, even toddlers can participate in cleaning or picking up, loading things into the dishwasher, and helping out around the house.
If you start them young, they learn to contribute to their family because that’s what family members do. Not because they are getting a reward! Throw out the star sticker chart and start handing out hugs and thank-you’s!
#5 Allowance: Yes or No?
People ask me this a lot too. I don’t believe in giving an allowance, and I’ve never given allowance to my kids. I do however think it’s important to teach them to earn. I have paid my kids to do some things above and beyond their normal responsibilities. BUT… I do not nag, or bribe, I give them an opportunity to learn and earn.
Simply put, I let them know that I have a job available, how much it pays, and if one of them is interested, they can see me about it. I let them know the requirements, and if they do the job, I pay them. Simple.
Some examples have been:
- Cleaning out the car
- Foot rubs
- Packing up books to send out to customers
- Shampooing the dog
- Organizing my bookshelf
- Sweeping the patio
- (My mom used to pay me to pull her grey hairs out. lol. I hope she doesn’t kill me for sharing that!)
- etc….
I also think it’s important to teach them about money… how much to save for short and long term, and what to spend. (But that’s a whole different topic for another day!)
The point…. stop showering your kids with undue praise and rewards.
Instead, give them wings to fly so when the time comes, they leave the nest to do good in the world and eventually return for visits with adorable grand babies! 😉
If you know a parent who is struggling, please forward this to them and offer a kind word. Everyone needs a little inspiration now and then!
Experience has made me wise, coaching has shown me how to share that wisdom.
If you are ready to join the mission to increase emotional intelligence and teach others how to as well, please learn more about the Live Inspired Now Coach Training which is open again for enrollment! Live Inspired Now Coach Training Course
You can use your experience, combined with the skills you learn to give your children an advantage when they go out into the world, you can share what you learn with students, friends, family members, or your community!
Join us and be a gift to the world!
Love and inspiration,
Heather Paris
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Have you heard of “Love Mapping?”
It’s a technique to learn more about your partner and can be done whether you’ve been together for 6 months or 20 years!
The idea is to answer the following questions about your partner, then share the answers. If you know the answers- great! If you don’t know the answers- even better because you learn something new and you get the opportunity to have a nice discussion!
Here are just 10 questions to go over with your spouse:
- Who is your partners greatest source of support besides you?
- What is your partners favorite sport?
- Who was your partners best friend in grade school?
- Name your partners major rival or enemy.
- Does your partner have a secret ambition, if so, what is it?
- What was your partners most embarrassing moment?
- Who is your partners least favorite relative?
- What was your partner most currently sad about?
- What medical concern does your partner worry about?
- Name 2 people that your partner admires.
Ahhh.. just when you thought you new everything about your partner! 🙂
You can always learn, grow, and fall more deeply in love if you will just invest time into your relationship!
Share a few magic moments today with your partner and see how you both do with these questions and please share your results or thoughts by leaving a comment below!
As always, if you need help with your family, relationship or kids, please reach out today!
Have FUN and Happy November!!!
Love and Inspiration,
Heather
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Contempt is the #1 indicator of divorce according to the research of Dr. John Gottman. But what exactly is contempt?
Contempt is the feeling that a person is worthless and it will destroy any relationship!
You might think that people in great relationships never fight, but the truth is, they just fight in a way that doesn’t destroy one another.
Good arguing means to keep the argument about the disagreement rather than going on a personal attack aimed at your spouse.
Attacking another person will never drive your point home, it will only drive it through their heart and slowly kill your relationship!
Contempt shows up as sarcastic comments, extreme bitterness, rejection of the other person, snarky voice tones and feeling resentful. When contempt is present you can feel the room drop to an ice cold, frigid temperature. It’s almost impossible to tolerate and you feel less than zero if it’s directed at you.
If you notice that you are feeling contempt toward your partner, here are a few things to try instead:
- Focus on gratitude- some people are way happier with way less
- Be appreciative and thankful- especially for the little things
- Be a gold miner- recognize the good rather than pointing out the bad
- Brag about your spouse to friends- it might change your own attitude
- Lose the tude- drop the eye rolls, sneering glances, and sarcastic tones
- Try to be playful- when’s the last time you decided to just have some fun
If you notice that you are on the receiving end of contempt, here are a few defenses:
- Explain how you are feelings- “I feel afraid right now.”
- Allow your emotions to show- it’s OK to cry if you feel sad
- Acknowledge your spouses feelings- “I see that you are angry right now, may we work on this together?”
- Express appreciation- “I appreciate how passionate you are about this, let’s find a solution.”
- Take a break- it’s OK to get away from the situation if you feel out of control
- State change- change your partners state of mind by distracting them, or doing something unexpected and pleasant
These are just a few of the things you could do to try and remedy contempt in a relationship but if you are struggling, please reach out! The longer contempt is allowed to flow, the harder it becomes to save the relationship.
And if you know someone that is struggling, please share this with them! You never know who you are inspiring, you might just save a relationship!
Love,
Heather
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!