Do you know what it means to get the “itch?” It’s definitely not something gross to scratch, it’s not even something physical. It’s that feeling you get when you are ready for a change.

Personally, every couple of years or so, I get itchy for something new!

Growing up as an Army brat, then a military wife, I became quite used to moving every 2-3 years. I’ve had more than 40 addresses in my 45 years on the planet!

Before I was self aware, that “itch” would present itself in destructive ways. Because I didn’t know that I just needed some change, I would often self sabotage my life or even my relationships and that provided enough drama to suffice for change.

Thank goodness I know much better now and make healthier choices but some people are still trapped in that cycle of meeting their needs for adventure or change in unhealthy ways.

When Thad and I bought our dream home here in New York, we decided that this would be home base… no more moving!

While that is still a little scary to me because I’ve never lived anywhere for more than a few years, I am happy to have a “home base.” But because I know every couple of years I will start to get the itch to move, I’ve found healthy ways to meet that need.

In fact, this weekend, I changed a lot of things! I completely renovated my office, I moved furniture around in the house, and I re-organized!

It may sound small, but to me it was HUGE! Since I’ve decided not to move anymore, moving the furniture and redecorating is a fun way for me to feel the change without uprooting my entire family!

What do YOU do when you feel like you need something different?

Finding healthy ways to fill you needs could save you from self destructive decisions, and can make you feel much happier!

Here are just a few suggestions for meeting your need for change but the sky is the limit! Are you the type of person with a HUGE need for change, or are you happy with small changes? Hopefully some of these will excite you:

  • Move your furniture
  • Paint a room a new color
  • Skydive
  • Plan a trip
  • Try a new exotic restaurant
  • Plan a surprise for your partner
  • Play hooky from work and school
  • Drive a different way to work
  • Volunteer
  • Buy hats & scarves and leave them in the park for homeless people
  • Plan a ceremony to renew your wedding vows
  • Do an art project
  • Make a bucket list
  • Try a sensory deprivation tank
  • Go to the local animal shelter and play with the adoptable animals
  • Take a class or workshop
  • Read a new book
  • Test drive a cool car

Whatever you decide to do, be sure it’s something that’s healthy, empowering, and super fun!

The best thing you will ever do is to become emotionally aware of your needs and learn to meet them in the most positive ways possible!

Have a super happy week!

Much love and inspiration,

Heather

LIVE INSPIRED NOW Life Coach Training will be open for enrollment again in April 2017!! Learn more about the upcoming course here!!


Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!

Blog-Contempt-2-liveforchristresources
Contempt is the #1 indicator of divorce according to the research of Dr. John Gottman. But what exactly is contempt?

Contempt is the feeling that a person is worthless and it will destroy any relationship!

You might think that people in great relationships never fight, but the truth is, they just fight in a way that doesn’t destroy one another.

Good arguing means to keep the argument about the disagreement rather than going on a personal attack aimed at your spouse.

Attacking another person will never drive your point home, it will only drive it through their heart and slowly kill your relationship!

Contempt shows up as sarcastic comments, extreme bitterness, rejection of the other person, snarky voice tones and feeling resentful. When contempt is present you can feel the room drop to an ice cold, frigid temperature. It’s almost impossible to tolerate and you feel less than zero if it’s directed at you.

If you notice that you are feeling contempt toward your partner, here are a few things to try instead:

  • Focus on gratitude- some people are way happier with way less
  • Be appreciative and thankful- especially for the little things
  • Be a gold miner- recognize the good rather than pointing out the bad
  • Brag about your spouse to friends- it might change your own attitude
  • Lose the tude- drop the eye rolls, sneering glances, and sarcastic tones
  • Try to be playful- when’s the last time you decided to just have some fun

If you notice that you are on the receiving end of contempt, here are a few defenses:

  • Explain how you are feelings- “I feel afraid right now.”
  • Allow your emotions to show- it’s OK to cry if you feel sad
  • Acknowledge your spouses feelings- “I see that you are angry right now, may we work on this together?”
  • Express appreciation- “I appreciate how passionate you are about this, let’s find a solution.”
  • Take a break- it’s OK to get away from the situation if you feel out of control
  • State change- change your partners state of mind by distracting them, or doing something unexpected and pleasant

These are just a few of the things you could do to try and remedy contempt in a relationship but if you are struggling, please reach out! The longer contempt is allowed to flow, the harder it becomes to save the relationship.

And if you know someone that is struggling, please share this with them! You never know who you are inspiring, you might just save a relationship!

Love,

Heather


Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!

Seriously!? What the hell else could go wrong this week??? I’m afraid to find out!!!

This week Thad and I had a flat tire on a remote rural road while almost running out of gas.

That night, we got a call at midnight from our son Harry saying his basement was flooded and smelled like something was burning. (The sump pump burned out, and Thad went and fixed it so no worries now!)

The next day, a cabinet fell off the wall in my kitchen! (Did the previous owner seriously have a purple kitchen?)

Then the next day brought a broken pipe from our upstairs bathroom which led to a ceiling collapse in Thad’s office underneath!

REALLY?!?

Life happens, and when it happens to suck… LEAN IN!!

Many relationships fail because people give in to their feelings and forget that a partner is just that… a partner, not a punching bag for hurt feelings!

Lean in when times are tough and find respite in your partner. And BE a place of respite for your partner too!

Don’t let the chaos of life be enough to pull you apart. Here are a few tips to remember when life gets suckish:

  • Create a plan! You can handle things easier if you have some steps to follow.
  • Don’t take your anger or frustrations out on your partner.
  • Focus on the things that are going well!
  • Support, encourage, and love your partner even more than usual.
  • Ease up on some of your regular responsibilities to give yourself time for the new challenge.
  • If you can’t fix it right now, at least make it neat and tidy! (Neat and tidy just feels better.)
  • Get perspective by helping out someone who is going through much worse.
  • Your feelings are valid. Explain them and vent before moving on.
  • Reach out to the friends and family members that can be compassionate and supportive.
  • Celebrate the chaos. That’s right…. have an open house or a small party to celebrate the challenge. It might not make sense to people but won’t it feel better than complaining about it?

Life is not happening TO you. It’s not even happening FOR you. Life is just happening and the best part is that WE get to decide how we respond to it! 

I hope you will choose to lean in with your partner, be grateful for the blessings, and take each challenges one things at a time!

So far, you have a 100% success rate of surviving every single challenge that has ever come your way! You rock!

Please share and leave a comment at:

Love,

Heather

REGISTER NOW… IT’S FREE!!
September 22nd, 5:30 – 7:30pm at NaturTyme
3 Exceptional Talks at the Family Wellness Event that will change your life:

  • Raise your kids GPA! by Special Education Teacher Katie Dennis
  • Get your teenagers engaged in a positive passion! by 15 yr old life coach Carrie Deaville
  • Fix your damaged or dying relationship! presented by Me!

Register, share, and get more info here! Bring a friend too! 


Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!