I know this goes against what most people say, but I don’t believe in forgiving everyone!
Some things shouldn’t be forgiven because if you do, you run the risk of softening your convictions.
Convictions are fuel for purpose and help you take action that could make positive change in the world!
Forgive a child molester, rapist, or murderer? No freakin way!
I don’t want to soften how I feel about people who pose real and actual danger to myself or other people!
You don’t owe forgiveness to anyone but yourself!
In fact, it’s not YOUR responsibility to forgive anyone BUT yourself.
I have found that most people are more upset with themselves than with the person who hurt them. They blame themselves for not “saying no,” for “not being strong enough to fight,” and even for “being stupid enough to fall for the lies.”
The real forgiveness is only owed to yourself! Stop beating yourself up for being a victim! The most empowering thing you can do is to forgive yourself and find ways to not be the victim again!
The other person can work on his or her own forgiveness.
I would encourage you to understand instead of forgiving. So maybe you understand that the person who hurt you was abused as a child and learned to hurt others. It’s not an excuse, and no forgiveness is needed, but you understand that “hurt people hurt people.”
Forgiveness is a deeply personal act of sacrifice because you are agreeing to override your feelings to give absolution to another. This is something that should be honored and reserved for people who are truly sorry, have made amends, and will not repeat what they have done.
Everyone else can have compassion because you are able to understand how they became so damaged, but not forgiven.
What do you think about today’s post? Hit reply to this email and let me know!
With love, gratitude, and inspiration,
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My answer: “Stop telling them you are proud of them every time they do something!”
No really. Just stop. Here’s why.
When we over praise, we teach kids that they should be doing things for us, for the validation, and not for their own self satisfaction.
It also teaches them that their worth is equated to what they do, produce, or achieve.
Trade your praise for love and affection and ask your child how they feel about their own performance instead.
The picture shown here is the inside of a card that I sent to our daughter Madison. She is 22 and just got a great job! I am proud of her…. but not because she got a great job.
I am proud of her because she’s my daughter and I love her.
It may sound like such a small distinction but when your child fails at something, and they will, they will believe they have let you down, and that they are not worthy of your affection or love if you only praise achievements.
I see it every single day and it breaks my heart.
So instead of praising your kiddo all of the time, try this instead.
Ask them: “How do you feel you did?” Then respond to their feelings.
There is definitely a time and place for praising your kiddos! I like to praise them when they do acts of kindness that you wouldn’t normally expect. Like seeing a woman in the grocery store dropping items and running over to help, or offering their own money to someone in need and so on.
Even then, be sure to ask them how those acts made them feel! Allow them to grow a sense of pride in themselves by advocating for their success without over praising. Then, instead of praising, try saying something like “That was beautiful to see, thank you!”
Let me know your thoughts or please do share your story at the bottom of the page!
Experience has made me wise, coaching has shown me how to share that wisdom.
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Love and inspiration,
October 11, 2016 | Posted in Anxiety, Challenges, Communication, Education, Family, General, Happiness, Honesty, Inspiration, Love, Personal Development, Relationships, Self-Esteem, Stress | By Heather Paris
Wow wow wow!!!
I recommend books all the time, but THIS book… seriously, I almost unfriended someone over it! lol
The other day I told a friend, “If you don’t read Love Warrior, we can no longer be friends!” And although I wasn’t seriously going to unfriend her, I was serious about my passion for this book!
The book you don’t read won’t help! -Jim Rohn
I am not going to tell you anything about the book itself. I want you to discover all the beauty, raw truth, and inspiration for yourself. But do let me know what you think!! 🙂
Have you already read the book? Be sure to share it with someone who could use it!
Love and Inspiration,