Why you shouldn’t forgive!

May 23, 2017 | Posted in Challenges, Change, General, Personal Development, Self-Esteem | By

ForgiveYourself

I know this goes against what most people say, but I don’t believe in forgiving everyone!

Some things shouldn’t be forgiven because if you do, you run the risk of softening your convictions.

Convictions are fuel for purpose and help you take action that could make positive change in the world!

Forgive a child molester, rapist, or murderer? No freakin way!

I don’t want to soften how I feel about people who pose real and actual danger to myself or other people!

You don’t owe forgiveness to anyone but yourself!

In fact, it’s not YOUR responsibility to forgive anyone BUT yourself.

I have found that most people are more upset with themselves than with the person who hurt them. They blame themselves for not “saying no,” for “not being strong enough to fight,” and even for “being stupid enough to fall for the lies.”

The real forgiveness is only owed to yourself! Stop beating yourself up for being a victim! The most empowering thing you can do is to forgive yourself and find ways to not be the victim again!

The other person can work on his or her own forgiveness. 

I would encourage you to understand instead of forgiving. So maybe you understand that the person who hurt you was abused as a child and learned to hurt others. It’s not an excuse, and no forgiveness is needed, but you understand that “hurt people hurt people.”

Forgiveness is a deeply personal act of sacrifice because you are agreeing to override your feelings to give absolution to another. This is something that should be honored and reserved for people who are truly sorry, have made amends, and will not repeat what they have done. 

Everyone else can have compassion because you are able to understand how they became so damaged, but not forgiven.

What do you think about today’s post? Hit reply to this email and let me know!

With love, gratitude, and inspiration,

Heather Paris

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Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!

Why you should stop telling your kid you are proud of them!

March 7, 2017 | Posted in Family, General, Kids, Parenting, Self-Esteem | By

17200367_10211747278293290_1003290547_oRecently a client asked me “How can I instill a sense of pride in my kid?”

My answer: “Stop telling them you are proud of them every time they do something!” 

No really. Just stop. Here’s why.

When we over praise, we teach kids that they should be doing things for us, for the validation, and not for their own self satisfaction.

It also teaches them that their worth is equated to what they do, produce, or achieve.

Trade your praise for love and affection and ask your child how they feel about their own performance instead.

The picture shown here is the inside of a card that I sent to our daughter Madison. She is 22 and just got a great job! I am proud of her…. but not because she got a great job.

I am proud of her because she’s my daughter and I love her. 

It may sound like such a small distinction but when your child fails at something, and they will, they will believe they have let you down, and that they are not worthy of your affection or love if you only praise achievements.

I see it every single day and it breaks my heart.

So instead of praising your kiddo all of the time, try this instead.

Ask them: “How do you feel you did?” Then respond to their feelings.

There is definitely a time and place for praising your kiddos! I like to praise them when they do acts of kindness that you wouldn’t normally expect. Like seeing a woman in the grocery store dropping items and running over to help, or offering their own money to someone in need and so on.

Even then, be sure to ask them how those acts made them feel! Allow them to grow a sense of pride in themselves by advocating for their success without over praising. Then, instead of praising, try saying something like “That was beautiful to see, thank you!”

Let me know your thoughts or please do share your story at the bottom of the page!

Experience has made me wise, coaching has shown me how to share that wisdom.

If you are ready to join the mission to raise emotional intelligence and teach others how to as well, please learn more about the Live Inspired Now Coach Training and get your FREE 6 Day Mini Coaching Course:

Live Inspired Now Coach Training Course

You can use your experience, combined with the skills you learn to help your children, students, friends, family members, or your community!

Join us today and share your gift with the world! 

Love and inspiration,

Heather Paris


Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!

You didn’t speak up because of fear of rejection or judgement…

November 29, 2016 | Posted in Anxiety, Challenges, General, Honesty, Personal Development, Self-Esteem | By

bebraveenough

Once, many years ago, a friend of mine called me “obnoxious” because I always like to be doing things. I didn’t want to just stay home… I wanted to take road trips, go to conventions, and I always had some volunteering or service project that I was involved in.

She said it was obnoxious that I “always needed something to look forward to” as if I was never content and let me know that she believed she was far more “grounded” than I was.

It hurt my feelings. I felt judged for being an adventurer, and I felt rejected by her because she never cared enough to get involved in any of my projects, or even to ask about them.

The worst part of it all, was that I constantly questioned myself instead of looking at the source of the criticism. And that is common.

Criticism or judgment comes our way and we think “What’s wrong with ME” instead of asking ourselves “What’s wrong in this person’s life that they need to criticize me?” 

I lived like a prisoner to the opinion of other people for far too long and I didn’t speak up because I was afraid of hearing “I don’t want to be your friend anymore!”

I let people who would insult me have power over me! That’s just crazy!

So I learned to be brave enough to live life my way. I hope you will too!

Here are a few tips to be brave enough to live life your way:

1 Keep it real. Let’s face it, if someone is willing to dump you because you have an opinion, then they don’t deserve to be in your life anyway! Upgrade your tribe!

2 Embrace your supporters! You DO have someone in your life that is always supportive…. embrace them, thank them, and invite them to the celebration of YOU!

3 Realize that judgment is nothing more than an opinion. And do you want to live by the opinion of someone else, especially if he’s a jerk? No way!

4 Try it! Action will always make you feel brave! Over-thinking or prolonged planning will only hold you back from taking that first step!

5 Be aware and accepting! It’s OK to be afraid of doing, being, or trying… don’t beat yourself up! Admit you are afraid, accept that fear is normal, and go for it while you are still afraid!

6 Nobody ever died from judgment or rejection! Allow yourself to feel sad, hurt, embarrassed or whatever and then move on!

A friend (a real friend) once said to me, “I admire you, You are always so brave, you don’t care what other people think!”  I thought about that statement for a long time and responded… “I care what you think, but I no longer care what some people think. We only have limited, precious time on earth and I won’t squander that time on people that don’t appreciate me as I am.”

I honor who you are, and I hope you will honor YOU as well!

Love and Inspiration,

Heather

Want help with something you are struggling with? Contact me today!


Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!

Are you a “Love Warrior?”

October 11, 2016 | Posted in Anxiety, Challenges, Communication, Education, Family, General, Happiness, Honesty, Inspiration, Love, Personal Development, Relationships, Self-Esteem, Stress | By

Love-Warrior-400

Wow wow wow!!!

I recommend books all the time, but THIS book… seriously, I almost unfriended someone over it! lol

The other day I told a friend, “If you don’t read Love Warrior, we can no longer be friends!” And although I wasn’t seriously going to unfriend her, I was serious about my passion for this book!

Love Warrior will transform your thinking, and inspire your soul! I hope you will read it, and I really hope you will let me know what you think of it too. Get Love Warrior on Amazon here.

The book you don’t read won’t help! -Jim Rohn

I am not going to tell you anything about the book itself. I want you to discover all the beauty, raw truth, and inspiration for yourself. But do let me know what you think!! 🙂

Have you already read the book? Be sure to share it with someone who could use it!

Love and Inspiration,

Heather


Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!

Keep them safe not comfortable…

September 13, 2016 | Posted in Challenges, Family, General, Kids, Learning, Moms, Parenting, Self-Esteem | By

safenotcomfortable
Lately it seems most of my clients are parents so I thought I would pass along the wisdom I have shared several times this week!

You are responsible for keeping your kids safe, not comfortable!

We all want our kids to be happy and healthy, and we never want them to suffer. But sometimes we mistake “suffering” for discomfort.

Discomfort is appropriate and healthy. Discomfort creates an environment for kids to learn how to self soothe, take responsibility, and discover their own strengths. 

Here are a few tips to creating and allowing an appropriate level of discomfort:

  • Allow your kids to complete their own homework, or projects without your input
  • Don’t always rush out to their school to bring them what they forgot at home
  • Encourage your kids to try new things
  • Assign household responsibilities (aka chores)
  • Instead of giving your opinion, ask them what THEY think
  • Ask for their advice, input, or opinion on family matters (not critical issues)
  • Use natural consequences instead of punishments
  • Use boundaries instead of discipline
  • Stop over praising and start asking them how THEY think they did, look, performed, etc…

Remember when they were toddlers and kept falling down while they were learning to walk? Those falls eventually turned into strength and balance! 

Let’s be honest, raising kids is the hardest thing you will ever do! It was hard to watch them fall as toddlers, and it’s hard to watch them struggle as teenagers, But it’s worth it when you know they are prepared for the tough world that’s full of challenges!

There are easy solutions to most parenting challenges, all you have to do is reach out and ask for help! Another quick tip… if you can, ask for help BEFORE it becomes critical!

If you are in Upstate New York, please check out this FREE event:

3 Exceptional Talks at the Family Wellness Event that will change your life:

  • Raise your kids GPA! by Special Education Teacher Katie Dennis
  • Get your teenagers engaged in a positive passion! by 15 yr old life coach Carrie Deaville
  • Fix your damaged or dying relationship! presented by Me!

September 22nd, 5:30 – 7:30pm at NaturTyme
Register, share, and get more info here! Bring a friend too! 

You already love your kids, but now you can actually like them too! 😉 

Love,

Heather


Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!