You can’t fix dead. 13 Reasons Why You’d Better Empower Your Kids.

April 24, 2017 | Posted in Anxiety, Challenges, Communication, Education, Family, General, Honesty, Learning, Moms, Parenting, Personal Development, Relationships, Stress | By

13-reasons-why

If you haven’t heard of the Netflix show “13 Reason Why” and you have children, you should really become familiar.

The long and short of it is this. A teenage girl goes through some pretty horrible experiences, creates 13 cassette tapes addressed to the people that hurt her, leaves the tapes with a friend, then goes home and commits suicide.

Does “13 Reasons Why” glorify suicide? Yes, and no. Let me explain…

If your child is mentally and emotionally strong and resilient, and not easily influenced, then no, it’s not glorifying suicide.

If your child is mentally or emotionally vulnerable, has little or no control over their emotions, and is easily influenced, then yes, absolutely it will glorify suicide to your child who’s watching the show in a raw mental state. 

I personally watched the entire series with my 15 year old daughter Carrie. There were violent scenes including 2 rapes, underage drinking and drugs, horrendous examples of parenting, and countless disappointments that make you want to scream to the screen to save this poor young girl who was already dead in the first episode. They even showed her suicide, and it wasn’t a hint, it was a full gut wrenching, emotionally torturous scene.

Carrie and I cried, we were appalled, we cringed and closed our eyes, and we gasped but most of all…. we talked. 

I don’t think any child, no matter what age, should be allowed to watch this show without parental participation and input. Again, if your teen is struggling… this series will show them how much influence a dead girl has on the world and I know that is NOT what you want your teen focused on if they are in pain.

Let me share with you 13 Reason Why you’d better empower your kids, before they think that suicide is a good option.

  1. It’s your job, responsibility, and obligation to ensure your child’s mental, emotional, social, and physical safety at all times and you can’t do that if you don’t know what they are watching, who they are with, and what they are experiencing.
  2. Your kind words may be the only ones they hear in a day.
  3. Anti-bullying campaigns don’t work. There will always be bully’s and mean people. The best way to protect your child is to teach them to protect themselves! Teach them emotional intelligence and resilience, mental strength, and some physical training wouldn’t hurt either! Self defense classes are a great way to help young people feel more secure!
  4. Make it safe for them to talk to you about anything so you can help them when they struggle. Let them know they will not get in trouble for being honest because their safety is your first priority!
  5. You can’t fix dead.
  6. When they leave the house, they need to know that no matter how bad the day was, they have a safe place to come home to. Safe from fighting, abuse, neglect, and despair… otherwise, they will find another place to spend their time and it only has to be LESS abusive, not healthy.
  7. Kids who are engaged in groups, sports, or activities with people, feel more accepted and connected and less likely to feel desperate.
  8. Kids who know how to care for their own emotional and mental needs are less likely to be discouraged when they are faced with challenges or tough times.
  9. Kids who are discerning are less likely to hang out with people who are involved in risky behavior or with people who won’t have their best interest in mind.
  10. Confident kids will advocate for themselves when they need it.
  11. Kids who understand consequences make better choices.
  12. Kids learn from, copy, and are deeply influenced by TV shows and if you don’t agree with me then explain to me why advertisers pay millions of dollars for one Superbowl commercial!
  13. Suicide doesn’t take pain away, it just gives it to other people.

Listen, this show can be a nightmare or an opportunity. If your child is struggling, don’t let them watch it and take this as a HUGE SCREAMING SIGN to do something to empower your kiddo before it’s too late! Never take your child’s safety for granted.

It is your responsibility to model good emotional and mental health for your children and to communicate with them! You can’t over communicate!

Please please please talk to your kids today. If you need help, reach out!! If you feel like you need to learn some mental and emotional intelligence yourself, join my life coach training course now and get what you need to empower yourself and your family! (Registration closes at the end of this week.)

There is NO substitute for your relationship with your child. They need you even if they say they don’t. They want you to know them, even if they say they don’t. And they love you even if they don’t say it.

Please share this article with anyone who has children. Let’s spread the word and see how many families we can help! Thank you!

Experience has made me wise, coaching has shown me how to share that wisdom.

Your friends already come to your for advice…. add these practical coaching strategies to your toolbox and blow your friends mind with your awesomeness! Become a life coach…. get paid for what you already do, and make a huge impact on your world!

Live Inspired Now Coach Training Course

You can use your experience, combined with the skills you learn to help your children, students, friends, family members, or your community!

Join us today and share your gift with the world! 

Love and inspiration,

Heather Paris

National Suicide Prevention Hotline: open 24/7
Call 1-800-273-8255


Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!

Why you should stop telling your kid you are proud of them!

March 7, 2017 | Posted in Family, General, Kids, Parenting, Self-Esteem | By

17200367_10211747278293290_1003290547_oRecently a client asked me “How can I instill a sense of pride in my kid?”

My answer: “Stop telling them you are proud of them every time they do something!” 

No really. Just stop. Here’s why.

When we over praise, we teach kids that they should be doing things for us, for the validation, and not for their own self satisfaction.

It also teaches them that their worth is equated to what they do, produce, or achieve.

Trade your praise for love and affection and ask your child how they feel about their own performance instead.

The picture shown here is the inside of a card that I sent to our daughter Madison. She is 22 and just got a great job! I am proud of her…. but not because she got a great job.

I am proud of her because she’s my daughter and I love her. 

It may sound like such a small distinction but when your child fails at something, and they will, they will believe they have let you down, and that they are not worthy of your affection or love if you only praise achievements.

I see it every single day and it breaks my heart.

So instead of praising your kiddo all of the time, try this instead.

Ask them: “How do you feel you did?” Then respond to their feelings.

There is definitely a time and place for praising your kiddos! I like to praise them when they do acts of kindness that you wouldn’t normally expect. Like seeing a woman in the grocery store dropping items and running over to help, or offering their own money to someone in need and so on.

Even then, be sure to ask them how those acts made them feel! Allow them to grow a sense of pride in themselves by advocating for their success without over praising. Then, instead of praising, try saying something like “That was beautiful to see, thank you!”

Let me know your thoughts or please do share your story at the bottom of the page!

Experience has made me wise, coaching has shown me how to share that wisdom.

If you are ready to join the mission to raise emotional intelligence and teach others how to as well, please learn more about the Live Inspired Now Coach Training and get your FREE 6 Day Mini Coaching Course:

Live Inspired Now Coach Training Course

You can use your experience, combined with the skills you learn to help your children, students, friends, family members, or your community!

Join us today and share your gift with the world! 

Love and inspiration,

Heather Paris


Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!

If this doesn’t get me kicked off the PTA, nothing will!

February 6, 2017 | Posted in Education, Family, Kids, Learning, Moms, Parenting | By

Do you know a “spoiled rotten kid?” C’mon, we all do… or have at least witnessed one, mid temper tantrum, in the store, crying over the newest candy bar, toy, or cell phone! 

Seriously, I think that may be the #1 topic people ask me about…. entitled kids!

I could write for days on the topic but I will try to reel it in with a few simple tips.

Tips to prevent raising entitled kids:

#1 Keep the praise to a minimum to raise a quality kid!

Yes, I did just say that! Stop complimenting everything breath they take. When you over praise, you set your kiddo up to seek external validation rather than learning self pride or appreciation.

Instead of praising, ask your kiddo some questions! Next time lil Johnny brings you his school project, instead of endlessly gushing, ask him how HE feels he did. Ask him what his favorite part of the project was. Or you could ask him what part he is most proud of, or what part he struggled with and how did he overcome the struggle.

#2 Reward with attention, not stuff!

If your kid deserves some praise or a reward, then offer them some quality time! And I’m not talking about the time it takes to go to the store to buy them stuff.

I mean go to the park and play hide and seek to celebrate together. Or go build a fort together. Or play a game, go for a walk, bake a cake, people watch, play mini golf, or even just sit and enjoy an ice cream cone together while talking!

I promise you… they will NEVER remember the toy you bought them when they were 6 but they WILL remember the quality time you spent with them, and how loved they felt.

#3 Say NO once in a while!

Just because you can afford something, doesn’t mean you should buy it. Telling you kiddo NO is a good thing because it teaches them patience and appreciation.

Just because Apple came out with the brand new version of the iPhone, doesn’t mean your kiddo should have it, even if it’s not a financial burden to get it. Remember that old anti-drug slogan from the 80’s? Just say NO!

#4 If you want them to act responsibly, you have to give them responsibility!

Thad and I are always amazed by the amount of responsibility some kids have in 3rd world countries. Kids at 7 years old are out hustling for money… shining shoes, carrying bags… whatever it takes.

It’s terribly sad that some kids are forced too young to hustle for food and resources, but it’s even more sad that some kids sit around and do nothing while being showered with praise and presents.

Give your kiddos some responsibility! All ages, even toddlers can participate in cleaning or picking up, loading things into the dishwasher, and helping out around the house.

If you start them young, they learn to contribute to their family because that’s what family members do. Not because they are getting a reward! Throw out the star sticker chart and start handing out hugs and thank-you’s!

#5 Allowance: Yes or No?

People ask me this a lot too. I don’t believe in giving an allowance, and I’ve never given allowance to my kids. I do however think it’s important to teach them to earn. I have paid my kids to do some things above and beyond their normal responsibilities. BUT… I do not nag, or bribe, I give them an opportunity to learn and earn.

Simply put, I let them know that I have a job available, how much it pays, and if one of them is interested, they can see me about it. I let them know the requirements, and if they do the job, I pay them. Simple.

Some examples have been:

  • Cleaning out the car
  • Foot rubs
  • Packing up books to send out to customers
  • Shampooing the dog
  • Organizing my bookshelf
  • Sweeping the patio
  • (My mom used to pay me to pull her grey hairs out. lol. I hope she doesn’t kill me for sharing that!)
  • etc….

I also think it’s important to teach them about money… how much to save for short and long term, and what to spend. (But that’s a whole different topic for another day!)

The point…. stop showering your kids with undue praise and rewards.

Instead, give them wings to fly so when the time comes, they leave the nest to do good in the world and eventually return for visits with adorable grand babies! 😉

If you know a parent who is struggling, please forward this to them and offer a kind word. Everyone needs a little inspiration now and then!

Experience has made me wise, coaching has shown me how to share that wisdom.

If you are ready to join the mission to increase emotional intelligence and teach others how to as well, please learn more about the Live Inspired Now Coach Training which is open again for enrollment! Live Inspired Now Coach Training Course

You can use your experience, combined with the skills you learn to give your children an advantage when they go out into the world, you can share what you learn with students, friends, family members, or your community!

Join us and be a gift to the world! 

Love and inspiration,

Heather Paris


Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!

Keep them safe not comfortable…

September 13, 2016 | Posted in Challenges, Family, General, Kids, Learning, Moms, Parenting, Self-Esteem | By

safenotcomfortable
Lately it seems most of my clients are parents so I thought I would pass along the wisdom I have shared several times this week!

You are responsible for keeping your kids safe, not comfortable!

We all want our kids to be happy and healthy, and we never want them to suffer. But sometimes we mistake “suffering” for discomfort.

Discomfort is appropriate and healthy. Discomfort creates an environment for kids to learn how to self soothe, take responsibility, and discover their own strengths. 

Here are a few tips to creating and allowing an appropriate level of discomfort:

  • Allow your kids to complete their own homework, or projects without your input
  • Don’t always rush out to their school to bring them what they forgot at home
  • Encourage your kids to try new things
  • Assign household responsibilities (aka chores)
  • Instead of giving your opinion, ask them what THEY think
  • Ask for their advice, input, or opinion on family matters (not critical issues)
  • Use natural consequences instead of punishments
  • Use boundaries instead of discipline
  • Stop over praising and start asking them how THEY think they did, look, performed, etc…

Remember when they were toddlers and kept falling down while they were learning to walk? Those falls eventually turned into strength and balance! 

Let’s be honest, raising kids is the hardest thing you will ever do! It was hard to watch them fall as toddlers, and it’s hard to watch them struggle as teenagers, But it’s worth it when you know they are prepared for the tough world that’s full of challenges!

There are easy solutions to most parenting challenges, all you have to do is reach out and ask for help! Another quick tip… if you can, ask for help BEFORE it becomes critical!

If you are in Upstate New York, please check out this FREE event:

3 Exceptional Talks at the Family Wellness Event that will change your life:

  • Raise your kids GPA! by Special Education Teacher Katie Dennis
  • Get your teenagers engaged in a positive passion! by 15 yr old life coach Carrie Deaville
  • Fix your damaged or dying relationship! presented by Me!

September 22nd, 5:30 – 7:30pm at NaturTyme
Register, share, and get more info here! Bring a friend too! 

You already love your kids, but now you can actually like them too! 😉 

Love,

Heather


Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!

Keeping Kids Off Drugs & Alcohol- It’s Easier Than You Think!

June 21, 2016 | Posted in Challenges, Family, General, Kids, Moms, Parenting, Relationships | By

Drugs and alcohol are killing our kids. The problem is everywhere, no matter where you look.

WE CAN DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!

Please, I beg you to take action BEFORE you need to because:

PREVENTION IS EASIER THAN INTERVENTION!!!

Here are some additional tips to prevent your kids from trying drugs and alcohol that are not in today’s video:

1 Know your kids friends… it’s your best leverage.
2 Know where your kids are and check in on them.
3 Be sure adults are supervising when they are at friends houses.
4 Don’t keep drugs or alcohol in your home.
5 Don’t create a home environment that your kid needs to “escape” from.
6 Don’t ignore problems! Intervene immediately if your child try’s drugs or alcohol. Do not “excuse” bad behavior!
7 Talk to your kids! Many TV shows portray teenagers drinking, drugging, and having sex constantly and they may think this is “normal.”
8 Create a moral foundation. Your moral foundation doesn’t have to be religious, but let your kids know what your values and expectations are for your family.
9 Keep it real. Volunteer at a place that will allow them to see the damaging effects of drugs and alcohol. Not only will it help them learn compassion, it may serve as a warning of what not to do.
10 Have a really quality relationship with your child so they know it is safe to be honest with you.

Watch today’s short video and learn one of the most important things you can do to prevent your kids from trying drugs and alcohol!

If you need help, please reach out today: Contact Heather

Spread the love and share this with someone who would benefit!

Love,

Heather


Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!