If you NEVER said this again, you’d be happier and so would everyone else…
“Should.”
“You should….”
“I should…”
“He should have…”
Stop should-ing all over the place! Let’s face it, people don’t like being told what they should do. So when your best friend, or your spouse, or one of your kids needs advice or guidance leave the “should” out of it.
Instead try…
“If it were me, I might….”
“It’s up to you but you may want to consider…”
“What have you tried/considered so far?”
These types of statements offer support without judgment or condescension AND they empower the other person to come up with their own solutions!
And this will make you a rockstar communicator! 🙂
OMG…. I almost forgot!!! Guess what Thad and I have coming up in March?? A one day relationship retreat called “7 Principles For Making Marriage Work” at del Lago Resort and Casino in Waterloo, New York!!
We only have space for 3 more couples so if you are interested, act NOW!! Get more info here!!! Or hit reply to this email!
With love, gratitude, and inspiration,
Heather Paris
www.liveinspirednow.com
Email me: heather@liveinspirednow.com
Coaching is a holistic alternative to therapy. It’s fast, affordable, and highly effective! Just hit reply to this email if you’d like to know how coaching could help you or your family!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
My son Harry told his friends….
“My Mom is a crazy bitch!”
…and it was the best lie he told!!
This may sound crazy, but it’s VITALLY important that you teach your kids to lie!
I know, I know! We teach them to tell the truth but in some cases, lying is better!
Listen, peer pressure is intense and kids need a way to handle it and lying to their friends can be an extremely effective way to get out of a difficult situation.
Come up with several great “lies” WITH your kids that they can use to help get them out of risky situations.
Here are a few examples:
- “No man, I’m not doing that, my mom is a crazy bitch and will kill my ass!”
- “Nahhh, I’m already high/drunk, I don’t want any more!”
- “I’m actually allergic to alcohol, I could die if I drink it. I can’t even take cough medicine.”
- “My dad texted, he’s picking me up early because I didn’t do my stupid chores!”
Peer pressure is incredibly powerful. Our kids need to know how to handle these difficult social situations and these little lies could save them in many ways!
Be sure to tell them that after they lie their way out of danger, they must call or text you immediately to get picked up from where they are!
Also, be sure to remind them that they will never get in any trouble for these types of lies and for being responsible enough to make a better choice than their friends!
Parenting is hard. NOT parenting is much harder… on you, on the kid, and on society! If you need help, please reach out to me today! DO NOT WAIT! Prevention is easier than intervention!!!
With love, gratitude, and inspiration,
Heather Paris
Email me: heather@liveinspirednow.com
Does your child have a “guardian angel?” Check out my latest book with beautiful illustrations done by MY guardian angel: “I Have A Guardian Angel” Order now to get it before Christmas!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
Have you seen the “Me too” posts going around on social media? It’s a post designed to bring awareness to the prevalence of sexual abuse. Anyone who’s status says “Me too” is indicating that they have been the victim of sexual abuse or harassment. And sadly, these posts are popping up by the thousands!
I have worked with young people, male and female, that have been victimized sexually and it’s nearly impossible to heal from such acts, and many don’t.
You can never guarantee 100% that you’ll prevent your own children from falling victim to this type of heinous act, but there are definitely things you can do that will give you the best possible odds for preventing such a tragedy.
Please read and share these tips with your friends because knowledge is only power when it’s applied and shared!
Tips to prevent your child from being sexually abused:
1 Focus on the relationship you have with your child MORE than your expectations of your child. In other words, your relationship comes first even if they get bad grades, disappoint you, make a bad choice, or are misbehaving!
2 Call body parts by their proper names! It’s a penis, breasts, and a vagina, not a wee wee, pee pee, ding dong, boobies, or a hoo haw. These are body parts, call them by name because the more secretive you make them, the more you program your child to believe they are “unspeakable.” You WANT them to be able to talk about their body parts and understand fully who is allowed to touch them, see them, and talk about them…. mommy, daddy, or the doctor when mommy and daddy are in the room!
3 Choose babysitters VERY carefully. Bear in mind that 7 out of 10 sexual assaults happen by someone they victim knows…. usually a relative.
4 Have a plan in case your child get’s lost in the store. I used to tell my kids that if they ever got lost, find a woman and ask for help… never a man. Yes, I know that seems sexist. I don’t care. The facts are clear and most sexual predators are men, not women. I also used to put a small laminated card under the sole of their shoe with their phone number and address on it in case they ever needed it and couldn’t remember their info.
5 Don’t force kids to be around adults they don’t like. This one kills me!! If a child is uncomfortable with an adult, there is probably a reason!! Don’t force kids to “be polite” or “he’s your uncle, don’t be rude, just give uncle a kiss!” Gross. Kids should NEVER be made to show affection if they don’t want to, and they should know it’s OK for them to say NO… even to an adult!
6 Talk about secrets with your kids. Let them know that adults don’t get to have secrets with kids unless mommy and daddy are in on it! Abusers always use the “it’s a secret” card so be sure your kids know that secrets are not OK!
7 Make it safe for your child to be open and honest. Encourage them to talk to you by talking to them and being available without distractions! Let them know that no matter what they tell you, they won’t get in trouble! Talk, talk, and talk some more!
8 Know who they are spending time with! Get to know their friends AND their friends parents too. I am a huge fan of having kids over to MY house so I know exactly what’s going on. My kids always knew they could have friends over!
It’s absolutely heart breaking to see all the “Me too” posts on Facebook, let’s do all we can so that our own children never have to say “Me too.”
For MORE on this topic, please be sure to get my book Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness which includes all of my best advice for parenting, and navigating the chaos of life!
Please reach out if you need help. <3
With love, gratitude, and inspiration,
Heather Paris
www.liveinspirednow.com
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
3 different clients made me say these words this week:
“You are NOT the mood police!”
This is one of the most prevalent challenges in our society today…. we feel the need to correct or fix the feelings of other people because we feel their bad mood is a reflection of us as a person.
Imagine this:
- Husband is in a cranky mood.
- Wife is irritated by husband’s cranky mood so she tries to make him feel happy.
- Husband doesn’t want to feel happy right now. He wants to be left alone to think for a bit.
- Wife gets even more irritated that husband won’t “snap out of it.”
- Wife feels rejected and becomes cranky.
- Husband and wife argue and it escalates from crankiness to anger and now they both retreat away from one another to stew in rejection and misery.
- Kids are now upset too because Mom and Dad are fighting again.
It doesn’t have to be like this!
Imagine this instead:
- Husband is in a cranky mood.
- Wife asks if he’d like to talk about it.
- Husband says “No thank you, I’d prefer to have some time alone to stew.”
- Wife says “OK my love, take all the time you need.”
- Husband goes and has some alone time.
- Wife goes and plays with the kids.
- An hour later the husband emerges and thanks his wife for allowing him some time and they escalate into a supportive conversation about the days frustrations.
- Kids see a Mom and Dad lovingly supporting one another and feel happy and secure.
Other people are entitled to feel however they want to feel. It is not our job to constantly police moods, feelings, or emotions! And remember this…
Another persons emotions are NOT a reflection of you, your parenting, your relationship, your abilities, or your productivity! Your spouse does NOT love you because of what you provide. They love you because you are you!
What does this topic mean to you? Just hit reply to this email and let me know! I can’t wait to hear your thoughts!
With love, gratitude, and inspiration,
Heather Paris
GUESS WHAT???? Coach training is now OPEN!!! Check it out now… space is limited, jump in now…. BECOME A COACH!!
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!
I’m proud of something my daughter Carrie said, but I didn’t tell her I was proud, and here’s why…
So Carrie was invited to a party at her friends house. She was told the party would be totally unchaperoned!
( No parents. No rules. No freakin way right!? )
Carrie came home from school and this is what she said to me:
“Mom, I feel sad because all my friends are having a party and I’m not going. There will be no parents at the party, so I’m not going…. and I know I wouldn’t be allowed to go anyway, but really I don’t want to with no adults.”
No. This was not a dream! My 15 year old daughter really said this to me! And my reply….
“I’m sorry you feel sad about missing the party. It sounds like you are making a great choice! How do you feel about that?”
She told me that she felt proud of herself and I offered her a hug which she took!
Oh man… what a proud mommy moment!
I have lots of proud moments with her and I do tell her I am proud of her sometimes, but emotional intelligence is all about helping kids build their own self esteem, and self pride so they will make the right choices all on their own!
- Kids make better choices when they want to be proud of themselves vs. just making their parents proud.
- Kids make better choices when they are coached through challenges vs. being forced into submission.
- Kids make better choices when they see emotional intelligence modeled for them.
- Kids make better choices when they know how to explain their feelings instead of acting on them!
Listen, if you are pregnant, or your children are small, it’s easier to start “emotion coaching” your children now while they are still so impressionable.
If you have teens, it’s not too late, but it is much harder! If you need help, please just hit reply to this email and I am happy to talk to you about how coaching could help you and your family!
In the meantime, instead of making all the decisions for your kids:
- Give them age appropriate responsibility and ask them how they feel about their choices!
- Take an interest in how they feel about things, not just the situation.
- And when possible, let natural consequences happen instead of punishing.
Have a super duper rest of your week!!
And don’t forget… if you are struggling in your relationship, you need to check out www.diyrelationshiprepair.com today before there is no relationship left to repair!
What do you think about today’s post? Hit reply to this email and let me know!
With love, gratitude, and inspiration,
Heather Paris
Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!