Be My Wife, Not My Mother!

February 27, 2014 | Posted in Challenges, General, Love, Relationships | By

This is a topic that I find myself discussing a great deal with clients, especially females. It is important to keep the roles as adult partners with one another in a relationship, rather than falling into a parent/child scenario with your spouse.

Many years ago I learned that there are 3 people who could be present in any romantic relationship, and that understanding these roles was the best way to create change so that people could start to have more meaningful and loving relationships with one another. Here are the 3 roles and their functions:

PARENT: the person who assumes the role of taking care of the other spouse, helping them, doing things for them, and treating their spouse like a child. The parent enjoys the control but often becomes resentful of having to do everything and wishes for a more proactive partner. They may see their spouse as incapable, inept, or unmotivated. And yet, they wish they were more able to let go of things themselves. The parent often feels resentful, or of elevated importance, and most often “plays the martyr”.

CHILD: the person who takes on the role of being incapable of doing things, expecting the spouse to look out for them, and refusing to take responsibility for their own actions or behaviors. They want their needs met with little concern for meeting the needs of their spouse. They may see the spouse as controlling, over bearing, or smarter and better able to take care of the family. The child often feels attacked, or entitled, and most often “plays the victim”.

ADULT: the person in the relationship who sees all parties as valuable and works with the partner to make the family function well. They are strong and confident about what they know, yet are not afraid to admit when they need help or don’t know something. They like to work with their partner to meet each others needs, as well as the needs of the kids or family. They communicate effectively, without blame or shame, and they listen well to their partners. They admit faults or indiscretions, and work to make amends. They prioritize the family, and are accountable for their actions.

An adult partner is not typically successful in a relationship with someone playing the role of child or parent because it goes against the adults values to “enable the victim mentality of the child partner” or to succumb to the “martyrdom of a parent partner.”

Knowing is half the battle. No man wants to be married to his mother and spend his life with someone telling him what to do, what to eat, and how to think. At the same time, no woman wants to be married to her child and spend her life wishing he would help around the house, make a decision, or take responsibility for his actions. It’s exhausting living in a relationship that is out of alignment like that. If you are having challenges in your relationship, discuss these roles with your partner and see how you both might take steps to becoming “adult partners” and Live Inspired Now!


Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!

Slavery still exists in America, more than you know….

February 25, 2014 | Posted in Challenges, Education, General, Learning, Personal Development | By

I read this quote today: “To give your sheep or cow a large, spacious meadow is the way to control him.” by Shunryu Suzukiand, and it got me thinking about freedom, and how we allow ourselves to become enslaved by mediocrity but we are tricked into thinking we are free.

If you give people just enough to think they are free, you will control them! Don’t fall into the trap! Don’t be a slave to mediocrity. Having 100 television channels and eating out at Applebees is not the “good life!” Buying expensive gadgets that you can’t afford is not the good life. Letting someone else pay you a meager stipend so you don’t have to work is not the good life. Distracting yourself with tabloid drama and gossip is not the good life.

The good life begins when you can feel good about yourself and your choices, and you take responsibility for both! The good life is when you don’t let the media trick you into buying things that you don’t need. It’s when you eat real, quality food, not mass produced garbage from a brightly colored, cookie cutter franchise. It’s when you get a job or start a business that you love, and you get paid for doing what you are passionate about. It’s when you are so involved in your own exciting life that you don’t have time to care about what fake Hollywood celebrities are naming their babies. It’s when your book collection is bigger than your television. It’s when you have a passion-filled, loving, relationship with someone you love and adore.

The government, the media, politicians, companies, and the like want to keep you fat, dumb, and mediocre. They profit if you buy their goods, vote for them, or stay imprisoned in the welfare system. Break free for real! Educate yourself, stop watching television, go outside, take a trip, discover someplace new, eat healthy foods, get a new job, start a business, write a book, volunteer, avoid the news, laugh, go on an adventure, be playful, try something new, improve your relationship, spend time with your family, and don’t settle for mediocrity! Take control of your own life!

Get out from under the thumb of the internet, the television, politicians, or anything else that trys to convince you what to buy, who to vote for, or what you should look like. Did you know that women in particular spend $426 billion dollars per year just on beauty products? We could eradicate hunger and poverty if women would stop letting the media convince them to look younger, thinner, and more beautiful. Don’t buy the lie. You already possess everything you need to live an inspired, fun filled, loving, and happy life!

Today, invest in YOU! Invest your time in a good book or a long walk, or some quality time with the people you love. Stop being a slave to everyone else that wants to control you, your money, or your emotions, and Live Inspired and Free Now!


Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!

Other people don’t have to make you feel good……..

February 21, 2014 | Posted in General, Personal Development, Self-Esteem | By

It is not the responsibility of other people to make you feel important. Let other people off the hook and feel good about yourself!

The world is not out to get you, but it is also not out to raise you up. That is solely your responsibility. Too many people are lacking in self esteem and look for external validation to make them feel good, and this is simply not realistic or healthy. In life, we must be our own best advocates, and learn to empower ourselves. It is nice to have support and encouragement, but depending upon the praise of others to keep moving forward, or to feel good about ourselves will always leave us feeling inadequate.

Learn to really love yourself. You can do this be learning and growing through personal development or even by hiring a coach who can help you change your belief system about who you are. Take control of your thoughts too. So much of our own struggle is because of dis-empowering thoughts that are focused on past hurts, or failures. Stay focused on the present moment and don’t let the past interfere with your future.

Start to trust yourself because you are still here! We have all had challenges and up to now, you have gotten through them all. Allow that experience to prove to yourself that you can, and have, handled things! Maybe not the way you have wanted to, but that is OK too because it means you have learned.

You are equipt with all you need to create the life you love. Decide to be happy and find the positive in each situation. Disappointment is part of life, but it doesn’t mean that life isn’t good. Just as there are disappointments, there are also magic moments, excitement, and love to be shared. Focus on what you are grateful for and put disappointments behind you as fast as possible.

Take responsibility for your own self image, and self esteem, set a higher standard for your life, and Live Inspired Now!


Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!

Challenge, learn, grow….

February 18, 2014 | Posted in Challenges, General, Personal Development | By

Challenges create growth, and opportunity, they allow us to discover things about ourselves, and make us stronger. If you always accept the status quo, you never get the chance to learn more, take risks, try new things, and grow as an individual.

Push yourself a little, or even a lot, challenge yourself to go beyond what you know you can do, and Live Inspired Now!


Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!

Happy Valentine’s EVERYday!

February 14, 2014 | Posted in General, Love, Relationships | By

Roses are red, violets are blue, remember the love you gave today, and do it tomorrow too!

If you treat your partner like every day is Valentine’s Day, you won’t ever have to worry about drifting apart. That doesn’t mean you have to give flowers and candy each day; rather, give gifts of your heart. Share your thoughts, feelings, time, love, and show that you care each and every day!

Have a beautiful Valentines Day… today and every day, and Live Inspired Now!


Heather Paris inspires people all over the world to create happier lives through talks, workshops, blog posts, and her book, Live Inspired Now; A Field Guide For Happiness. For more information about transforming your relationship, family, or your life, contact Heather today!